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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable here?

129 replies

essieestherson · 04/02/2017 17:40

I'm really no longer sure if I'm being unreasonable or not, I'm just a little annoyed.

We were due to have SIL around this evening for dinner. Our dc were very excited for their cousins to come by and had spent the afternoon helping me tidy the house and their bedrooms etc...

A couple of hours ago my dh decided he couldn't be bothered to cook so said he wanted to get a take away instead, he messaged his dSis to tell her. She suggested bringing some gusto boxes round instead as she has double ordered this week and they can stick them in the oven or said we can go to hers and have them there.

My dh got very annoyed by this and said he did not want them coming around our house and cooking. He messaged her to say that he won't do that and he wants a take away and she then said that they didn't really want to spend money on a take away when they have so much extra food in their house...

So now they are not coming. Is he being unreasonable? The dc are now really upset and disappointed that their cousins are not coming round.

It sounds like such a minor thing but he was very rude last time we saw them and i think when we invite people round for a cooked dinner it's a little off to tell them we are now having a takeaway and them having to pay towards it?

Am I wrong to be annoyed with him by this? I'm more upset for my dc as my eldest is having a hard time at school at the moment and would have been lovely to have his cousins round and my dh is just being selfish and weird over the whole thing...

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 04/02/2017 17:55

Another vote for go to hers with kids!

Original poster
essieestherson · 04/02/2017 17:56

Bluntness, I've been a work most of the day, he was supposed to go to shop earlier to get the things but then decided on takeaway instead.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 04/02/2017 17:57

Yes, go round there, OP. It's not fair on you, SIL and DC.

Michellelovesizzy · 04/02/2017 17:58

Go round there with out him

user892 · 04/02/2017 17:59

Your H is being a passive aggressive shit. I would struggle to have any affection for him if he's frequently like this.

He is not acting like a adult family man.

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2017 18:01

Bluntness, I've been a work most of the day, he was supposed to go to shop earlier to get the things but then decided on takeaway instead.

rollonthesummer · 04/02/2017 18:02

He is beibg an idiot. Is it his sister?

Who invited her round in the first place?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/02/2017 18:02

He is incredibly rude.

Nothing wrong with switching a cooked meal for a takeaway but any reasonable none grabby person would want to contribute towards the cost unless expressly told that it was not expected or desired.

enfru · 04/02/2017 18:02

did he even go to the shop then? So do you now have food in that you no longer need all of because he's decided to get a takeaway!?
He should call his sister, apologise and tell her you're paying for a takeaway or she can bring her food round

harderandharder2breathe · 04/02/2017 18:02

Take the kids to SIL's

DH is unreasonable, so leave him to sulk with his takeaway for one

haveacupoftea · 04/02/2017 18:02

He's an arsehole. YABU for letting him get away with it too.

gamerchick · 04/02/2017 18:04

Give her a ring, ask her if you and the kids can come over and leave the prick in the house. Seriously, your bairns were looking forward to it.

Original poster
essieestherson · 04/02/2017 18:07

Bluntness I was working until 2 and then tidied with the kids when I got home.

He texted her a few hours ago, she only recently replied.

I'm quite an introverted person and didn't really want to take over the evening myself as I know that if they came over and I cooked he would have been moody, possibly not come down the stairs and it would have been very awkward.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 18:08

Essie can't you just text her and tell her you are coming over? Then take the kids and go to hers,and live the miserable sod with his take away .

TwitterQueen1 · 04/02/2017 18:10

op... you didn't really want to take over the evening myself as I know that if they came over and I cooked he would have been moody, possibly not come down the stairs and it would have been very awkward.

This is just weird. Dysfunctional relationships all around I think....

HandbagCrazy · 04/02/2017 18:11

I was going to suggest the same as rebel. Can you message her and just tel her you know he's being an arse. The kids want to see their cousins and does she mind if you come to hers?

And with the bigger picture, are you sure you can stay with such a selfish man-child? He sounds awful 💐

Serialweightwatcher · 04/02/2017 18:13

If someone had asked me round for dinner and then changed it to a takeaway, I would have assumed they were paying as they changed the plans - I would be annoyed with him too

Magzmarsh · 04/02/2017 18:14

He sounds awful, I couldn't cope with being married to someone like that. My Dad was a "spoiler", it's no fun to grow up with one.

Original poster
essieestherson · 04/02/2017 18:14

Twitter queen why dysfunctional? I'm
Just very shy and he is the kind of childish person who sulks and ignores people if he's in a mood. Of course it would be awkward for me if they all came round and he was sitting upstairs refusing to come down...

OP posts:
user892 · 04/02/2017 18:15

Is he abusive, Essie ?

user892 · 04/02/2017 18:16

he is the kind of childish person who sulks and ignores people if he's in a mood

Oh, I see he is abusive.

MarciaBlaine · 04/02/2017 18:16

God he sounds awful! I'd ring her myself, say he is being a twat, and please bring your gusto box/we will pay for the takeaway. And that we were all looking forward to seeing them. If it's her brother, presumably she knows what he's like.

Costacoffeeplease · 04/02/2017 18:17

Again, does he do that often, sulk upstairs? What happens when you tackle him about it?

JellyMouldJnr · 04/02/2017 18:18

He sounds like a total arse and very manipulative.

JunosRevenge · 04/02/2017 18:18

Your DH is being an arse, OP. But you know that.

I would take the kids round to your SIL's house to see their cousins, and tell your overgrown man-child to grow up.

Fwiw, if a guest comes round and your DH sits upstairs sulking, the only person who looks like a twat is himself.

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