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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave someone else to calm your crying baby?

38 replies

DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 07:57

Something happened yesterday and it got me thinking...

PILs were visiting and I handed my 4 week old baby to MIL for cuddles. Since I was now baby free I thought I'd hang out the washing to dry. So far, so normal.

While upstairs I heard baby fussing but carried on anyway. He's had tummy ache lately and sporadically is a little unsettled. I thought I'd leave her to it. After about thirty seconds it escalated to screaming. It was only when he then started screaming blue murder that I went down to check they were ok. DH had taken him and had started to soothe him he's better at soothing him than I am!

Would you have left baby with MIL to deal with and carried on with your job? At what point would you have intervened? WIBU?

Interested to know what others would have done, I'm asking about "other people" so that this isn't a MIL bashing thread as my MIL is fantastic. Also, please be gentle, we've not long been out of hospital as DS was poorly

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/02/2017 07:58

He was with people who love him, including his dad so I would have done the same as you

Sixisthemagicnumber · 04/02/2017 07:59

Your DH was there, so yes, I would have carried on with what I was doing and left DH and MIL to calm the baby down.

Middleoftheroad · 04/02/2017 07:59

Yes I would. shes your MIL and you were upstairs. sorry can't see the problem?

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 08:01

I have done.
C section. Twins. Me knackered. MIL and FIL experienced loving parents not stressed by a screaming baby.

MrsPringles · 04/02/2017 08:01

I think if it had got to the blue murder scream I might have gone to see if he was ok, especially as he's so little. But normal fussing and whinging? I would have left them to it!

Cherryskypie · 04/02/2017 08:02

You were absolutely reasonable. Relax Flowers

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 04/02/2017 08:03

my MIL is fantastic this sentence alone says YANBU. She's wonderful (and has obviously successfully bought up at least one child), your DH was there to help when he became more disturbed. I don't think you needed to go check when little one began screaming as he was with people who do care and would settle him, but saying that I would have gone myself so I understand why you did.
Flowers sorry he's been unwell, and congratulations on your arrival!

Original poster
DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 08:05

I find it hard to judge what's normal and what I should be doing since the hospital stay so was just curious what others would do. Those in my Nct group don't even really let others hold their babies much

OP posts:
Cherryskypie · 04/02/2017 08:08

What's 'normal' is what feels right to you. How are you doing in yourself?

Original poster
DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 08:08

FWIW, I wasn't even going to go down and check but felt bad that MIL had the screaming to deal with

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 08:10

I'm slowly breaking but doing a great job at pretending I'm ok and am functioning well. Health visitor is coming Tuesday (extra visits) so will have a long chat then. Dreading dh going to work monday. Thanks for asking Cherry Smile three hospital visits in four weeks has rocked my confidence and sanity

OP posts:
Cherryskypie · 04/02/2017 08:16

Be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 04/02/2017 08:16

You left his grandmother to comfort him, absolutely fune, that's what grandmas are for.

I used to visit mums just so I could have a bath in peace when my 2nd was that small, 'aw, there you go grandma, shout if she needs feeding" Grin

KarmaNoMore · 04/02/2017 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Againagain97 · 04/02/2017 08:19

What's 'normal' is what feels right to you. How are you doing in yourself?

^^ this!

You're doing fine I'm sure! Flowers

NoCleanClothes · 04/02/2017 08:19

It really depends on the person. A friend who doesn't have much interest in babies and wouldn't know what to do? I'd probably come straight away. A doting aunt/uncle or grandparent? I'd be fine leaving them to do their thing unless I thought baby wanted a boob.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 08:19

Dad was there too Karma

KarmaNoMore · 04/02/2017 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Againagain97 · 04/02/2017 08:23

I'm slowly breaking but doing a great job at pretending I'm ok and am functioning well. Health visitor is coming Tuesday (extra visits) so will have a long chat then. Dreading dh going to work monday. Thanks for asking Cherry  three hospital visits in four weeks has rocked my confidence and sanity

OP do not "slowly break" ask for help, shopping,cleaning, holding baby while you shower etc etc

Get MIL back over when DH goes back to work on Monday.

Don't be a "hero" ask for help.

More
FlowersFlowers

SaucyJack · 04/02/2017 08:29

YANBU. Babies cry. Nobody dies in the meantime Smile.

Rosa · 04/02/2017 08:37

I remember my mother taking 2 week old ( fed and changed) screaming dd2 off me at 2pm crying with the words ' give your mum some peace' I fell backwards on the bed with feet on the floor and slept for an hour and a half. I trusted her 100% . She did 40 rounds of the living room..... BAby was fine .

user1484226561 · 04/02/2017 08:37

well, I was a single parent with no visiting relatives, so I really can't see the issue. Babies cry. You carry on with your life. If I had picked up mine every time they cried, I would never have cooked, washed, gone to the toilet, dressed, done any housework, redecorated, etc.

Quartz2208 · 04/02/2017 08:37

I'm guessing this is about the fact that you feel bad that you did not feel the urge to rush in and take him, that you feel other people can soothe him better and you have not bonded properly.

The first few weeks are hard but there is no shame to feeling like this it sounds like you may hand pnd

LostSight · 04/02/2017 08:38

I have three children. Number one, I would rush to at the slightest whimper. By number three, I was much more laid back. When he started to fuss, I would wait to see if he would self-settle before going to him. Similarly, with number one, the household revolved around his routine. With two and three, they fitted in around our life. You know him so well already. You could tell he was just unsettled and went when you could tell he was properly upset. Sounds like you're a great mum.

And congratulations on having a lovely MIL! Grin

diddl · 04/02/2017 08:44

If they had recently been fed I would probably have left them.

I was no better at settling them than anyone else if the crying didn't seem to have a reason.

I once left my PFB screaming in his cot whilst I had a shower.

Tbf he wasn't even crying when I got in, although I think that I was a while that morning.

Did hear the health visitor at the door at the time either...