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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you leave someone else to calm your crying baby?

38 replies

DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 07:57

Something happened yesterday and it got me thinking...

PILs were visiting and I handed my 4 week old baby to MIL for cuddles. Since I was now baby free I thought I'd hang out the washing to dry. So far, so normal.

While upstairs I heard baby fussing but carried on anyway. He's had tummy ache lately and sporadically is a little unsettled. I thought I'd leave her to it. After about thirty seconds it escalated to screaming. It was only when he then started screaming blue murder that I went down to check they were ok. DH had taken him and had started to soothe him he's better at soothing him than I am!

Would you have left baby with MIL to deal with and carried on with your job? At what point would you have intervened? WIBU?

Interested to know what others would have done, I'm asking about "other people" so that this isn't a MIL bashing thread as my MIL is fantastic. Also, please be gentle, we've not long been out of hospital as DS was poorly

OP posts:

SparklyUnicornPoo · 04/02/2017 08:45

OP you said your MIL is fantastic, can she come look after you a bit? Or any other family?

Being a new mum is hard, 3 hospital visits in 4 weeks is even harder. You are allowed to ask for help and dare I say it, you're even allowed to cut back on the housework a bit, obviously you need to do the important bits but a lot of it will wait.

NotMyPenguin · 04/02/2017 08:50

Well, some people have maternity nurses or night nurses, and this is the job description! So it's definitely something that many people think is perfectly fine.

Miserylovescompany2 · 04/02/2017 08:55

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't put a brave front on. If you feel overwhelmed ask for support. Sometimes just having someone to talk with who inturn offers you a little reassurance works wonders. Your hormones will still be all over the place. They take time to settle. Be kind to yourself.

Nobody expects you to be Wonder Woman. So don't put unreal expectations on yourself.

Can I ask what his poo is like? No, I don't have a poo fetish btw. My daughter had a intolerance to formula milk. Her poo was quite snot like. She also had lots on pain? She would become very unsettled about an hour after her feed.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/02/2017 09:01

My family pretty much hand DD back to me the second she starts crying I never get the chance to leave them to it.

Yanbu-and you are lucky your PIL's will help.

SleepWhatSleep1 · 04/02/2017 09:05

Dd1 I rushed at the slightest whimper. Dc#3 has to be actually crying, and right now is with DH while I calm down gloriously on my own with no children in the room (dd2 is having a hard time with everything this morning and I'm close to shouting at her).

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 04/02/2017 10:06

quartz, you've hit the nail on the head. They took my baby from me on day three to go into special care while I was on the postnatal ward. I refused to go down to see him that whole day dh stayed with him so he wasn't alone, but that did mean I was alone

Luckily poos seem fine misery, although they are a little more solid since the hospital put him on Gaviscon and ranitidine for reflux.

sparkly I'm no domestic goddess but my house is currently sparkling. The second I can pass baby over to do housework, I do. It's my way of coping, I think.

Feeling very reassured that I'm not unreasonable to have left him crying with mil!

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 04/02/2017 10:15

Of course not - she's his gran and I'm sure is delighted that you trust her to settle the baby.

helterskelter99 · 04/02/2017 12:28

I think I would have done as you did they would come and find me if they didn't want to continue x

Lesley1980 · 04/02/2017 13:51

Yeah. As long as the person is capable & you trust them. If I knew I could quickly settle the baby then I might nip up but if not I'd let the other person get on with it. I know my mum loves my kids & would walk the floor all night with them if she had to & she has taken my screaming baby off me to settle lots of times.

BackforGood · 04/02/2017 13:59

Of course YANBU. In real life, I've only ever met mothers like you, and like I was - absolutely trusting of others close to you. It's only on MN I've read of people who won't let anyone else look out for their baby for a short while. Now, if that works for them, then that's fine - I'm not knocking anyone here, but just trying to put things in perspective for you - yours is a very, very, very normal and usual way of 'being' with your baby and her extended family

malika54 · 04/02/2017 14:30

Relax and look after yourself. Trust yourself too, other people talk a lot. Do what feels right, listen to your gut and ignore busybodies. You got this!

lalalalyra · 04/02/2017 14:36

I'm very firmly of the belief that it takes a village to raise a child. Your baby was with people who love him so I see no issue with that whatsoever. It's good that you have people that you can trust so don't have to dash back down.

Whydidwedoit4times · 04/02/2017 14:41

You did fine op but if you need help ask for it love. You are amongst friends here so keep posting.

It's a tough time xxxx

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