To think work are taking the piss now

[DelphineCormier]

Posted another thread a few weeks ago and don't really want to go into all that again, but brief summary, my boss tried to cancel my booked holiday two days in advance because colleague 1 had been forced to take early maternity leave unexpectedly. Couldn't persuade anyone else to cover the shift so told me I would have to cancel my holiday booked for that day as my cover was needed to cover colleague 1. I had worked xmas day on the basis I would get this day off, eventual outcome was colleague 2 was persuaded to cover my shift. Maternity cover for colleague 1 eventually started a week later, boss had struggled finding cover.

Colleague 3 is also pregnant, and has just put in a request to start early maternity leave. Boss is freaking out slightly over this as colleague 3 had said she would start maternity leave much later iyswim, colleague 1 was early but not this early. Cover has been found, but will not do weekend shifts. I have been 'asked' if I will take on colleague 3's Sunday shift until an alternative solution is found. I am allowed to say no, although colleague 3 and other colleagues are putting a lot of pressure on me to do this.

I already work Saturday mornings and am a single parent. Not left with a lot of time when I would actually see my child if I were also working Sundays! I would get another half day off during the week but no guarantee what hours this will be. Childcare on Sundays would be an absolute nightmare. No one else works both days at the weekend, and lots don't work weekends at all. AIBU to tell them to ask pressurise someone else?

How many weeks pregnant is she?

If she is 32+ then my recollection is that she is entitled to ask to start her maternity leave from that point. It's not up to you or indeed her to worry about her cover. Although clearly she should not be sending you ridiculous emails.

Ludicrous that management think they have cover, but that the replacement is unable to cover the core hours required.

'I'm afraid I do not have childcare on Sundays so will be unable to cover any Sunday shifts'

"HR agree that they can't make me work Sundays without me agreeing to a new contract"

Next time Colleague No.3 starts giving off, sit back and pour yourself a big mug of steaming not-my-fucking-problem and press "forward email" straight on to HR. Someone needs to have a bloody word in her ear- being pregnant doesn't give you cart blanche to bully people into accommodating your needs at the cost to their own.

She needs to back right off.

She's 30 weeks. I don't know why she wants to go early other than she's saying she's finding work too stressful, I don't understand why she hasn't had a GP sign her off if that's all there is to it. Honestly don't know. She had originally asked to go at 36 weeks. Part of email argument yesterday was that I had been allowed to go at short notice and I should understand. I found out I was pregnant at 33 weeks, had DD at 36 weeks. There was a lot of confusion over dates at the time because of the whole thing, now established that DD was a small 36 weeker but it was less clear when I first found out. I had to tell work without knowing exactly how long I was, ended up having DD before the date I'd decided to start my leave and they were brilliant about it. Same with colleague who had to leave early for medical reasons last month. Completely different situations. As I understand it they don't have to grant her earlier leave unless there's a medical reason, but I may be wrong about that.

She has also been trying to pressurise other colleagues into covering, so it isn't just me. Can't say I would have expected this of her a few months ago, which is sad really.

HR have made clear that the emails are unacceptable and will be speaking to her tomorrow. Didn't give me more information than that and I didn't like to ask.

I guess that's all you need to know - they are dealing with it.

Make sure you keep them informed of any bad behaviour.

You've dealt with it well - if have been tempted to send her a patronising email about how when she has her baby she may understand why spending as much of your child's free time with them is more important than working all weekend

Oh I completely agree. I don't need to know anything else and I don't want to, I like my moral highground like it is ;) Except I will find out more tomorrow indirectly once they speak to her, they've said they will keep me updated with the dealing with the emails. But whether or not she gets her early leave is none of my business. I hope she does get it if she feels she needs it, though I agree with you TheAntiBoop that I would prefer more time with my child in her situation. None of my business though until she tries to bully me into accommodating that. We are apparently going to have a general info thing about swapping shifts, so hopefully that will put a stop to this kind of thing. She is a total fool though, I usually avoid HR kind of confrontation at all costs and probably wouldn't have bothered reporting her if she hadn't gone for the personal angle. Not something I particularly want to be reminded of in that way and I would expect her to work that out, whoever told her. They are taking the emails pretty seriously, at least right now.

It sounds like the culture in your place has emboldened her to think she can behave this way. Wasn't it colleague two who was being an arse to you and has made comments about you being a single parent? They all need a word in their ear!

I hope they done have to deal with vulnerable people as they seem incredibly judgey!!

Colleague 2 is the one who has made comments in the past that she always 'forgets' my DD when going through those of us in the office with kids. She's quite cliquey. Possibly because mine is the youngest bar the two pregnant colleagues and I was in this office a long time before DD, but because of the pregnancy I had with DD it has been hard to not see it as a personal dig sometimes. I completely agree that the January shift thing probably didn't help. Didn't used to be like this so often.

blimey Delphine 3 weeks between finding out and giving birth! I would have been in a state of severe shock! I was literally just a week passed a missed period when I found out and the pregnancy dragged on FOREVER. So maybe 3 weeks would have been better after all .

I know how hard it is bringing up a child on your own, Xh left when DD was literally just 4yo. So here are some for you. Don't you let anyone make you give up Sundays with your DD.

I hope that they give her a rocket for those emails to you. Like you say, she might as well get signed off if that is what she wants, but it is most definitely not your problem.

Oh believe me, severe shock didn't cover it. I had a lot of 'you must have known' judgy comments at the time, I think there probably was an element of denial but I definitely didn't consciously know. No symptoms, didn't look pregnant, had hadn't even put on much weight but that was probably stress.They couldn't do an awful lot of narrowing down to work out how many weeks dates wise so it was all a bit uncertain even after that. I only found out because I was having a hospital check up for something else, otherwise I might not have realised until I actually went into labour. Not knocking the three week pregnancy thing though, that was quite enough for me! It's not completely unheard of. Lots of people in real life look at me like I'm insane when I tell them.

for you too pinkunicorns

Very unusual that you didn't know. I've heard of it happening but not met anyone in RL. I knew when I was pregnant. I did ivf so it was the complete opposite for me. And my body definitely told me in many ways I'm unable to leave behind that I was pregnant.

Glad you've got things sorted. This woman really does sound insane.

I didn't find out I was pregnant until around 26 weeks. People look at me like I'm insane too so I no longer tell them. Like you I had no symptoms and no weight gain. I was still in my size 8 jeans! I don't know where these people get off judging other people and tend to think they're either quite thick or are lucky enough to have had a life of smooth sailing.
So pleased you sent the emails to HR, I hope she's reprimand for her outrageous behaviour and nasty comments.

I didn't find out until 30 weeks. Fabulous young stomach muscles, no kicks because of positioning and 'periods' every month because I was on the pill. Hectic lifestyle working, studying and going out (was 21yo). Then worked in healthcare and you'd be surprised how often it happens.
OP sorry you're having this rubbish to deal with. I hope HR are able to adequately convey to your line manager and the harrassing colleague that they need to radically change their behaviours toward you immediately (surely they are putting the company at risk of a constructive dismissal claim?).

OP well done for standing firm and bringing your colleague to task with HR about her unacceptable e-mails.

I probably one of those who would look at you like you're insane, it's not that I don't believe you or think badly of you but I got horrendous symptoms from before I missed a period with all of my pregnancies so I can't quite wrap my head around it. It's not about you it's about me!

Glad your HR are taking it seriously hopefully they'll get your colleague to behave and give your manager some training, you shouldnt have been been involved in the situation at all.

I can't believe that colleague is putting so much pressure on you to work on your only free day with your child. It's a terrible thing to do. I'm glad you are standing firm with this. Those pushy people quite often get what they want in the workplace.

I found out at 24 weeks with my second, and only because we'd been trying for a second and I did a pregnancy test, thought I was about 3-4 weeks (had a 6 month old and doing dissertation, plus working full time so I was just too busy and exhausted to notice I think!). Went for '12' week scan. Yeah 24 weeks. I probably could have gone until past 30 weeks had I not tested - still swimming in a bikini etc

We are apparently going to have a general info thing about swapping shifts

Hmmm ... given the pathetic way your immediate manager's handled things, I do hope this will be done properly and not just make things worse

A lady a few miles from here didn't know until she went into labour! She was quite a big lady, in her 40's, and honestly did not know until baby was deciding it was time to come out. Big shock as she thought she was going through the change when it was quite the opposite.

There is no way I couldn't of known due to horrendous sickness for first half and horrendous SPD for second half, so thinking about it I think 3 weeks would definitely have much more preferable .

It must have been a shock to your colleagues as well, but in no way does it mean that anyone else gets to leave early too unless they have medical grounds . It's not a tit for tat kind of thing is it!

I remember your Christmas thread too OP. Sounds like you are holding your own and not giving in to any level of coercion from either management or your colleague. Well done. Colleague 3 may be exiting early anyway depending on the outcome of the investigation into the e mails she has sent you? Possibly never to return?

We've just had a visit from HR. No longer allowed to attempt to swap shifts amongst ourselves for any reason, anyone wanting a swap has to speak to manager and provide adequate reason, who will speak to staff and ask if they can work shift. If no, it needs to be taken as holiday/taken to relevant department. Idea I think is to remove the playground bullying element. Colleague 3 saw HR this morning, not sure what was said other than she has been told her early leave request has been denied. As I understand it she can ask again in a couple of weeks or provide a doctors note, but otherwise it's a no.

Whole thing was quite unsettling for a lot of reasons with my own pregnancy and I don't blame colleagues who were here at the time for still being a little shocked by the whole thing. I would like to know who gave colleague 3 all the details she clearly had on it to put in her emails though, because it was not me.

There seem to be more of us than you might expect unicorns! I was similar, thought the opposite was happening. If it hadn't been my first pregnancy perhaps I would have picked up on it, there probably were some symptoms I dismissed at the time. Yes it was short but I had a window of a few weeks because due date was so hard to calculate that late in, I didn't have the same concept of how long I had left!

No longer allowed to attempt to swap shifts amongst ourselves for any reason, anyone wanting a swap has to speak to manager and provide adequate reason, who will speak to staff and ask if they can work shift

To be fair HR have made a sensible suggestion, but I can't help wondering if it will work with the "weak link" of your manager involved

I don't imagine either that "3" will be pleased to be refused, and do hope she doesn't do anything foolish ...

It just means that whenever delph is asked to swap she just says 'you need to speak to X'. Over and over.