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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being silly?

29 replies

TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 15:16

I am currently on maternity leave.
DS is 5 months old.

I am entitled to take up to a year off but was planning to go back after 6 months as I won't be paid (except for smp) after that.

Here is the problem. DH and I both work ft. Both earn an ok salary - we are not rich but manage fine.
I want to take an extra 4 weeks off meaning I sacrifice a months salary. I think we can afford it.
DH is not happy as we are preparing our house to sell and wants us to save every penny. He also keeps on saying he doesn't see what difference an extra month will make.
I've really enjoyed my leave so far. We won't have any more children so I want to make the most of it. I feel like when I go back to work that'll be it, back on the treadmill with no end in sight. I'll be the one having to organise everything on top of a full-time job so 4 weeks more isn't much to ask. He's said if that's what I want he will support me but after a disagreement today I see that he is unhappy about it.
Am I selfish to take the extra time?

OP posts:
notfromstepford · 03/02/2017 15:28

No not selfish at all. You'll never get that time back.
I had to go back to work FT when DS was 6 months too, it's bloody hard. Difference is that DH took the other 6 months off (as I'm the main wage earner).
Just do it - house stuff can wait and that extra 4 weeks will make a big difference to you.

Magzmarsh · 03/02/2017 15:29

No. I went back too early after ds and lived to regret it. Ended up turning my back on my career and becoming a PSA (crap money but much happier). Do what feels right, in the grand scheme of things 4 weeks wages won't matter.

Chloe84 · 03/02/2017 15:33

YANBU. Why do you have to be the one to organise everything?

Make him do his share.

neweymcnewname · 03/02/2017 15:37

I agree with the other posters, 4 weeks doesn't sound a lot, but it's around 1/5th of your babies lifetime!
Maybe talk with DH too about how you're feeling about the return to work, make it clear that you accept it's necessary, but talk thru all the extra logistics needed to fit everything in, and see how he can share in that - it shouldn't be all your problem.
If it's practical, could you consider going to back 4 days initially, so that you get more time with the baby (and to catch up on house chores etc).

Appreciate that it probably wouldn't work if you're saving for a new house, but remember it's all about quality of life, and if a better house has you so busy and tired that neither of you really enjoy it, it may not be what you need right now...

Original poster
TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 15:43

I should have said we are moving as I also have a 9 yrs old and our house is too small.
We are not in a massive rush but hope to do it soon.
Apologise if posts aren't great the baby is fractious today!

OP posts:
eurochick · 03/02/2017 15:43

Presumably you would save the cost of childcare for that month, which might mean that the financial difference is not huge.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/02/2017 15:45

Has your H factored in the cost of childcare? As eurochick points out that 4 weeks might actually be negligible.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/02/2017 15:47

Do you have any annual leave saved up that could be used to extend your leave while being paid. Where I work it is the norm to extend the paid maternity leave with a month to 6 weeks of annual leave that was accrued while on mat leave so that the mothers are being paid their salary but not actually at work.

Agree that if you are both working full time, you should both take equal share of domestic responsibilities, childcare, thinking, planning, organising etc.

yellowfrog · 03/02/2017 15:50

I'll be the one having to organise everything on top of a full-time job

Er why? He's a parent too, he should take 50% of this work

SapphireStrange · 03/02/2017 15:58

I'll be the one having to organise everything on top of a full-time job

I agree with others – why?

littlewoollypervert · 03/02/2017 15:58

Also I don't know if this applies in the UK but here in Ireland any bank holidays that happened during your maternity leave are added to the end of your leave period. My company also makes you take the annual leave accrued during your maternity period at the end of it. So you might have a good three/four weeks of paid leave to add on to your maternity leave.

Original poster
TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 15:58

I'm already using some annual leave as it is. Sorry I left that out, brain is not 100%.
I guess we will lose about £1500. It is a lot of money but as pp said it isn't just about the money.
He does a fair bit at home but it's me who organises the schedule as it were.

OP posts:
EpoxyResin · 03/02/2017 16:05

So are you suggesting going back at 7 months instead of 6? That's what I did, having planned to go back when ds was 6 months. The main reason was I couldn't face the idea of someone else completely weaning him, seeing as we only really started in earnest around the 5.5/ 6 month mark! I think weaning can be quite a "motherly" time, if you know what I mean, and your dh might understand if you wanted to spend 4 weeks either getting your dc started or getting it more established before you go back to work.

Original poster
TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 16:06

Exactly @EpoxyResin.
I went back when DD was 5.5 months out of necessity and it was too soon.

OP posts:
Catherinebee85 · 03/02/2017 16:10

No no no, do it!

Money is just money. If you can pay the bills that's all that matters. You're not going to regret 4 more weeks off with baby, but you might regret not being able to have that time.

In the grand scheme of the world it's 1 month. Bloody enjoy it!

NotMyPenguin · 03/02/2017 16:14

Don't just think about your earnings in terms of income, but look at the whole picture, including the cost of full-time childcare, versus your salary for the month! Then add the amount you'd get in SMP. If childcare for under-ones is anything like it is here in London, you may find that the amount you are actually missing out on is made up for by SMP...

EpoxyResin · 03/02/2017 16:15

Yeah, definitely not worth missing out on, not for 4 weeks pay and getting a house ready to sell. That's what the rest of their lives are for!

Original poster
TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 16:17

Thank you all. Getting a bit tearful.
Will show this to DH later Smile

OP posts:
autumnmonths · 03/02/2017 16:20

I went back after 4 months and have lived to regret it ever since. If I could've had an extra month I would have jumped at it. Take it. Better to regret taking the extra month than regret not taking it.

pinkie1982 · 03/02/2017 16:26

I was planning 12m but went back after 9 as was struggling on SMP only and there was no way we could have managed on one wage for the final three (plans to save before to cover that just didn't happen - life, eh??).

I really do regret having the rest of the year off, I felt sad about it but hey, what else were we to do?

I resent my job now and think that's a contributing factor. I wasn't 'ready' to come back.

They aren't babies for long at all, in a blink of an eye that part has gone, take all the time you possibly can, you can't get it back again.

pinkie1982 · 03/02/2017 16:27

^ not having the rest of the year off, I was meant to say

SomethingBorrowed · 03/02/2017 16:28

YANBU as long as you would be happy for your DH to do the same (and take the financial hit). I personally agree with you, the first months/years are precious.
YABU to do all the organizing - except if your DH takes on other household responsibilities instead.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/02/2017 16:32

What would the childcare situation be?

Gazelda · 03/02/2017 16:42

My absolute favourite baby stage was weaning. I wouldn't have missed that for the world.

And yes, work out what that month's salary will be then take off the childcare cost and the SMP. How much difference does it actually make?
And what about childcare for your 9yo - will you have to pay for a holiday club over Easter hols if you go back to work FT?

Original poster
TheMasterNotMargarita · 03/02/2017 16:50

Absolutely @SomethingBorrowed.
He was Sahp for Dd. We managed.
I missed out lots of info as it was too long but DH does shifts and my work is flexible so we manage childcare between us usually.
Baby will go to nursery 3 days a week we will do the other 4 days between us.

OP posts:
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