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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect school to know kids will have bruises!

40 replies

Wonderingwoe · 02/02/2017 13:21

My daughter started school this year and she is very physical, quite rough really in comparison to other girls and often plays with boys as is drawn to their games.
I've noticed she has many bruises on her legs as usual but also quite a few down her forearms too, some quite large so indicate knocks but others small and about the size of a child's finger.
Currently she has 4 in a row on one arm and 3 on the other.
All different sizes and different colours but my mum suggested me letting the school know and asking them to keep a watch in case games are getting out of hand.
She said some teachers would worry about so many bruises on arms and questioned her about my brother breaking an arm at home when he was 7!
I'm worried it looks odd mentioning something that I'm actually not worried about!
She's always been the same and preschool never were concerned but she does have more at the minute I guess than usual, would you mention to the teacher or wait for them to mention to me, if they do at all?

OP posts:
Blissx · 02/02/2017 13:27

Bruises out of the ordinary or excessive bruising should be flagged up by a teacher based on current training brought about by the Victoria Climbe case. Judgement has to be used in these cases so it is hard to say without seeing the bruises your daughter has. It can't hurt to raise it but of course, I am sure you would understand if a teacher did raise it?

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 02/02/2017 13:36

Would completely understand her speaking to me about it, mainly as compared to the girls especially in her group of friends it will look excessive, next to a group of 4 and 5 year old boys probably not so much! I do understand some policies are to go straight to social services with any concerns which is a slight worry only as we are thinking of adopting in the future so would hate for an over zealous teacher ( this one doesn't seem that type at all may I add! ) to cause issues with that!

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FireInTheHead · 02/02/2017 14:20

I'd be raising concerns not so much because of what it looks like to safeguarder but because she is getting so many noticeable bruises in school. Yes, kids get bruised easily in rough play, falling down etc, I think mine had permanent bruises mostly on their legs until they were about 10 but I think though if these forearm bruises are becoming more frequent as a fairly recent development maybe she's being hit or grabbed roughly by some of her playmates at school and that does need addressing.

Yura · 02/02/2017 14:24

My 4 year old (son) is always covered in bruises, no comments have ever been made, including at the doctors. He is extremely active, very fair skinned and has inherited my tendency to bruise very easily. The teacher sees them play, and they know where the bruises come from (guess it would be different for a shy child spending most of her time reading in the corner - this amount of bruising would be alarming).
I was worried at the GP etc, but apparently bruises from playing look quite different to bruises from beating (at that point he was 2 years old with a black eye and bruised shoulder - had gone down the slide head first before I could catch him).

user1477282676 · 02/02/2017 14:27

If the marks look like finger marks, then I would mention it just in case someone's grabbing her too hard. That's a pretty hard grab to leave marks.

I also have bruisey kids....I bruise easily too OP...I've sometimes thought "God people will look at DD and worry!" because she's always got a few on the go...but in reality, the teachers know the kids who play roughly.

Treaclex · 02/02/2017 14:31

Any excessive bruising should be checked out, some people just bruise easily but others can be a sign that's there's something wrong medically. I'm a childminder and any bruising I find I ask parents about immediately to try and find the course and also to protect myself from any accusations most however will inform me first which is great.I would definitely speak to the teacher especially if the bruising suggests another child is handling your daughter in a rough manner.

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 02/02/2017 14:37

I don't know what a finger mark would look like really but these r in straight lines and I think a hand would wrap around wouldn't it thought maybe not with a child's little hand!
Parents evening next week so maybe I will just mention that I know she plays roughly but more bruises than usual for her
I'm more worried she will bruise another kid with her playing and the parent will complain to the school tbh!

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hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 02/02/2017 14:40

Grab mark bruises would normal appear as 3-4 small bruises in a row with another bruise on the underside where the thumb had been used.

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 02/02/2017 14:42

No nothing on the other side these are all in s line sorb from the elbow so not on the top or underneath if that makes sense!
A child couldn't grab hard enough to leave bruises I'm sure!

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averythinline · 02/02/2017 15:02

Wondering - yes children can grab hard enough to cause bruises.....my ds dd even as a little one as I bruise easily not him being v strong ..ifyswim....

bruises in rows sounds a bit odd and i'm not sure you always get bruising on the other side from a hand - i get much more on my upper arm surface than lower..

I think mentioning to the teacher that she seems to be getting a lot at parents eve is a good idea or just at pick up maybe they can ask the playground supervisors at lunchtime to keep an eye out in case they're all getting a bit carried away...I know my ds and his friends did mainly through exuberance and blowing off steam nothing more but they did need the odd bit of supervision...

You bringing up first will also work in her/your favour if it is her that's the whirlwind :)
(I was at school especially early primary always played with the boys and was taller/bigger than a lot of them too)

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 02/02/2017 15:52

She is and her energy levels amazing
She does multiple after school activities and is rarely tired, all of a physical nature from gymnastics to karate!
I initially wondered if it was a game of tag and they were pinching to stop the other child almost as that might look like a few.
I guess it's hard as an adults hand would go all the way around a child's forearm but a child's could end there I guess!
I will mention at parents evening as I don't know if her way of playing a in school environment is ok really and as I said worried other parents will not like it!

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Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 03/02/2017 07:07

Overlooked the part about ruling medical conditions out but I do think thus would be a waste of the doctors time as it would be a miracle not to have bruises with the Way she plays!

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Chattymummyhere · 03/02/2017 07:29

Both of my children in primary have gone though the stage of coming home with legs you could do a dot to dot on. I've never been questioned and if I was would wonder why since they always come home with them. If I ask the children how they happened I just get a don't know.

JackLottiesMum · 03/02/2017 09:55

I think you should also consider just double checking with the doctor. My children have hypermobility which also means they bruise more easily than others. Although you wouldn't know to look at them they are hyper mobile. Also there are some autoimmune issues and other problems that can lead to excess bruising and need to be monitored. HSP is an autoimmune condition where a persons body attacks it's own blood cells causing bruising and inflammation. So it's worth getting your daughter checked it.

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn · 03/02/2017 10:15

One of my sons had bruising (from playing out, doing karate and play fighting at home) that were reported to ss by a swimming teacher and they wouldn't let me pick up my children till ss had spoken to me, so it is possible as might become involved at some point.

If you are concerned about rough play and bruising at school I'd mention it to the teacher.

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 03/02/2017 12:04

Purple, I'm very sorry to hear that as must have been a stressful time. This is the worry as with adopting any involvement will come up I assume although I am mystified at why a swimming teacher wouldn't speak with you first rather than go straight to social services however maybe this is protocol or something. I am concerned she will hurt someone more so than them hurt her so I'll mention at parents eve.
Other parents might be really angry if she's causing marks on their kids by rough play too so that's a worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 03/02/2017 12:05

I will get her checked at the doctor just to be on the safe side as I was severely anemic as a kid

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PurpleOneWithTheNutIn · 03/02/2017 16:40

It wasn't nice! I understand why they check up on children obviously and it's a good thing but I think they were a bit over zealous. If there is a risk to the child from the parent/s people report straight to ss, so I knew they thought it was me causing the bruises.

It was a school swimming lesson so the teacher for it doesn't see parents at all, so it was dealt with at school.

Good idea to get checked out at the gp, odds are there won't be anything and your dd is just not bothered by bruises!

ShelaghTurner · 03/02/2017 17:01

My eldest had a big bruise on her arm and her teachers picked up on it immediately. I was brought in to see the head and my DH went in to see her separately. It was horrible and embarrassing and humiliating and I cried like a baby in the head's office but it was clearly explained that it was just something they had to do as the bruise was so large.

Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 03/02/2017 17:51

im realy sorry for what you've been through as I realy thought my mum was over reacting mentioning her ways to the teacher but it seems not now.
I guess they do just report and ask questions later which with my adoption dream it seems far better to mention at parents evening next week
Unfortunately I don't do the school run so I can't do it in passing but I will book GP to be on safe side and speak to the teacher next week
Thanks for sharing ur experiences with me!

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Original poster
Wonderingwoe · 04/02/2017 08:32

with me!

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StrongerThanIThought76 · 04/02/2017 08:43

My dd has always had rainbow coloured legs as she is a very rough and tumble kind of kid.
She broke her arm just before christmas and has been sporting a spectacular black eye this week (both injuries sustained whilst doing 'enriching family activities'), I'm worried that her school will be making some sort of referral - though all entirely innocent!

ACubed · 04/02/2017 08:46

In our borough with any bruise in a certain place (i.e. neck, thighs etc - somewhere you wouldn't usually bump) we have to call Children's Services and then they advise whether to ask the parents about it, or what to do. It is really horrible but you have to follow policy and it's always better for a parent to potentially feel a bit crap than for something really serious to be missed. I work in a Nursery and whenever a child comes in with any sort of visible injury the parents have to sign a form - it's a pain in the bum and often quite embarrassing but it's the borough of Baby P and they're so anxious that something else will be missed; I think overall it is for the best. Just remember if your child is fine then there's nothing to worry about - the council are on your side and no one's going to try and remove children from a happy home because of a few bruises.

bikingintherain · 04/02/2017 08:55

In all the child protection training I've had as a teacher (secondary) you are given training on bruises. It often includes a diagram of a child and highlights bruises which should always cause concern, and areas which is common to find bruises. Lower arms and legs being an area of low concern. However, within that you would still be expected to take issue with grab marks, cigarette burns etc.

Ultimately the teachers will also recognise your childs temperament, and whether bruising is likely to be caused by play or not.

I personally wouldn't worry or say anything.

ShelaghTurner · 04/02/2017 08:59

That's the funny thing. DD2 broke her leg at the end of the summer term and DD1, who had the bruise, has been on crutches twice in the last 2 years and school didn't bat an eyelid. I was terrified that it would cement our status as terrible abusive parents but nothing was ever said. They obviously know what looks suspicious and what doesn't which is some comfort.