MIL's hints that we really should start reproducing....

[BuggerMyBum]

NC for this.

MIL is very keen for us to begin reproducing and is continually dropping hints.

Me and DH are doing up our house. We have three bedrooms. We're contemplating what to do with the third (whether to extend the bathroom into it so we have a giant bathroom or use it as a study/bedroom). MIL has said about fifty thousand times "It'd make a nice nursery".

When we bought the house, we said we were overjoyed that we didn't have a garden, just a yard, so there's little maintenance to be done. MIL said "Well, you might want to think about a garden in a few years"

When I went for promotion at work, MIL didn't say anything but looked like she was actually going to start hyperventilating. After all, I should be thinking about putting my career on the back-burner not trying to progress.

It's completely doing my head in. She's staying for five days. She's only been here half a day and already I want to flush her head down the toilet. WIBU to do this? Or should I just lock myself in the shed for her visit?

user1484578224 No, not helping out. Judging massively though, she'd love to do that.

If you are sure you don't want children and you have told your mother in law that in no uncertain terms then I don't know why it bothers you that she keeps hinting.
It can't make any difference to you or what you have decided.
When she hints you should tell her that she knows full well that it is never going to happen and then ignore her any time she says anything that hints otherwise.

gnushoes, what is the point of your comment? Are you pulling a MIL and warning the OP that she 'might change her mind'? Because that gets rather wearing and absolutely no-one ever says it to pregnant women or parents.

If you aren't going to have children then sod being sensible. One of the huge perks of being childfree is that being sensible doesn't have to occupy such a high place on your priority list and can be replaced by other things, like having a fantastic bathroom with a massive roll-top bath.

So far as MIL goes, if she's just dropping deniable hints then you need a modified broken record technique: "Yes; obviously we're not going to have children but you're right, that would be a selling point when we eventually come to sell it." and so forth.

Utter sympathy, OP.

I have DC but my MIL is relentless with my SIL (her daughter.) She and her partner are early 30s, living in a big city and traveling the world together while maintaining great careers, but it means absolutely nothing to MIL because they're not getting married and having babies.

DH has pointed out that SIL has said she doesn't want children. MIL is adamant that SIL will have 3, all unmedicated births. The detail she's planned their life out is astonishing.

She asked us to pray for them I just replied that I wasn't praying for anyone who gets to go to the Carribean every winter while I am used as a human tissue by my DC.

Be sure to rearrange your fridge back the way you like it

I just replied that I wasn't praying for anyone who gets to go to the Carribean every winter while I am used as a human tissue by my DC.

Ha ha ha ha! That resonates!

'I just replied that I wasn't praying for anyone who gets to go to the Carribean every winter while I am used as a human tissue by my DC.'

Fair enough. Love hate the thought of being used as a human tissue!

My DS1 has said that he doesn't want children. My DiL, well, I'm not so sure about her. But I would NEVER dream of saying anything to either of them. I value my relationship with them too much to stick my nose into what is the most important decision a couple makes. The thought of never having grandchildren is very painful to me, but it is their decision not mine.

TBH, I know that if I stuck my oar in that my son would tell me to butt out and if I couldn't keep quiet I'd find myself not being welcome in their home.

I'd tell MiL that if she can't keep her thoughts to herself that you'll have to seriously reconsider her being able to stay with you.

My MIL rearranges the fridge and my kitchen cupboards every fricking time she comes to babysit. She has also, in the past, taken every item off my washing line and hung it the other way up and taken all DS's folded pyjamas out of his drawer and rolled them. She also gave me a Dishmatic washing up sponge for my birthday.

Last night she told us that she had put the cot mattress from her spare room in the loft as we'll need it again for the next baby. Told her we're not having any more and she did a patronising 'We'll see...' face. Nearly needed surgical removal of the Dishmatic from her arse.

Just a bit of nut job MIL solidarity for you.

Oh, and roll-top baths are amazing and also sell houses.

@Lottapianos and @SenseiWoo Right?? So gross.

Can I just say though in defence of these MILs that wanting a grandchild is very similar (I think) to wanting a baby - it's a sort of primeval urge, BUT they should not make these comments. But it's not just MILs is it - other relatives and friends make comments and it's especially hurtful if the couple are trying and nothing happening. BUT as usual on a MIL thread there are lots of spiteful comments from DILs. God don't you realise if you have sons most of you will be MILs one day -and it will be sooner than you think as the years go fast. Please be kind OP - just say calmly that you're not planning children yet or ever or whatever.

Personally I never ask anyone when they are going to have a baby and would never ask a dil/dd about her fertility plans. In my case it was my Mother in Law who went on and on about it, nobody else. It is the same for the OP. I can't get my head around people who do - you have NO IDEA what they are going through. The woman (DIL, SIL) you are sitting next to at lunch could have had a scan yesterday and been told her baby has died, for example.

Why should the OP 'be kind' to someone who is treating her like a walking womb? Who is implying that she isn't good enough for her son because she isn't desperate to pop a baby out (that's how I felt). Her MIL should keep her nose out of stuff that is absolutely none of her damn business.

Crazy idea but instead of knocking down the wall could you plumb a bath into the bedroom - make an actual 'bath room' with no toilet, but instead a big mirror, shelves etc. Like a spa feel. Then when you come to sell you could say oh it would be easy to knock out the bath and return this to a bedroom if you wanted a nursery.

Just a thought.

But it's not just MILs is it - other relatives and friends make comments and it's especially hurtful if the couple are trying and nothing happening. BUT as usual on a MIL thread there are lots of spiteful comments from DILs.

In this case it is the MIL though. I had similar trouble (actually much worse than the op) and was horrible. You can write it off as mil backing if you want but people are sharing their experiences.

I'd give her ears a good scrub with the bog brush in the hope that she will listen when you say "but we don't need a nursery" and the like.

My MIL was desperate for grandchildren. When we first stayed with them she and I had a very coded conversation. She started it by telling me she didn't think SIL would ever have children and we talked about that for a bit. She asked me about my career, etc. I got it -she was desperate for grandchildren but too polite to ask if DH and I were going to give her any. I respected what was obviously a massive effort to restrain herself!

The thing is, she was also telling me, in a coded way, that she had accepted she would not have grandchildren, so -no pressure. No more wasever said by her and FIL until we announced we were having a baby.

She was so keen on grandchildren in part because she recognised she had been a very poor mother to DH and DS was her second chance. I actually think she realisedthat DH letting her spend so much time with her grandson was probably more than she had any right to expect, and she appreciated it.

Just going on in an oblique way about babies when you've been told there won't be any is just a way of saying 'Oh, forget about your choices, put my wants and needs first' over and over. It is the kind of thing my mother does until someone cracks and finally tells her not to raise the topic ever.

My fil was desperate for grandchildren too. There was no sign for ages and he had nearly given up. Then he got 9 in 5 years. He used to say it had put him completely off praying!

If an otherwise interfering busybody like my late MIL could avoid dropping hints - and she wanted GCs, my word she did - so can your MIL. The key is this: She's always said we'd have the "intellectual ones" of the GCs which marks her out as One of Nature's Nasties.

I'm voting for taking a bit off the bedroom to make a larger bathroom and duct taping MIL's mouth

Just say "we're trying MIL, we really are, you can't imagine how often we try..."

Ohhh yes!

"How?"

Awesome guinea pig accommodation mr dilkington. And rather a gorgeous piggie too.

OP no advice but much sympathy. That would do my head in

Just look at her in the eye no do a menacing impression of Vinnie Jones saying 'That's a bit fucking personal'. I used to hate this question and the endless hints. No-one knows if there are fertility issues or other reasons.

'No plans to start a family for the foreseeable future'
OP and her husband are a family.
OP embrace the childfree lifestyle! Print out a breeder bingo sheet and give it to her. Comments like hers are relentless, from everyone, watch them spiral as you progress through your thirties, ffs.

Tel mil to wind her neck in!

thigh Yes, me and DH are a family. It fucks me off that our life isn't seen as a legitimate family because we don't have children.

Batteries Oh my God. What an amazing idea. I think you might be a genius.

Last night was okay. We had to hear about the illnesses, ailments, financial predicaments and reproductive decisions of several hundred people we don't know but no hints about GCs.

My fridge looks amazing after she tidied it.

Today I'm working from home while DH entertains her.