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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL's hints that we really should start reproducing....

127 replies

BuggerMyBum · 02/02/2017 12:45

NC for this.

MIL is very keen for us to begin reproducing and is continually dropping hints.

Me and DH are doing up our house. We have three bedrooms. We're contemplating what to do with the third (whether to extend the bathroom into it so we have a giant bathroom or use it as a study/bedroom). MIL has said about fifty thousand times "It'd make a nice nursery".

When we bought the house, we said we were overjoyed that we didn't have a garden, just a yard, so there's little maintenance to be done. MIL said "Well, you might want to think about a garden in a few years"

When I went for promotion at work, MIL didn't say anything but looked like she was actually going to start hyperventilating. After all, I should be thinking about putting my career on the back-burner not trying to progress.

It's completely doing my head in. She's staying for five days. She's only been here half a day and already I want to flush her head down the toilet. WIBU to do this? Or should I just lock myself in the shed for her visit?

OP posts:

sobeyondthehills · 02/02/2017 13:35

Can I suggest a massive bathroom

misses point of thread

user1484578224 · 02/02/2017 13:41

I feel sorry for the poor old girl. Tell her to get a dog.

nannybeach · 02/02/2017 13:49

Sell the 3 bedroom house (way too convenient for kids!) buy a loft apartment, something about MIL isnt there! Get steralised! Why is it, people think they can ask/hint about such things, Oh, say to her, Oh you have to have sex if you want to get pregnant, keep a staight face mind!!!

Cherryskypie · 02/02/2017 13:50

As you've tried the broken record thing and it's not working how about just not acknowledging the fact that she's spoken. Or you could discuss whether it would be worth extending the bathroom and your bedroom as you don't really need a guest room

hmcAsWas · 02/02/2017 13:54

Poor old MIL. I know its very wearing for you, and you are happy with your decision but her dreams of grandchildren have floated off into the ether. I will be a bit gutted if I don't have any grandchildren so I can see why she is trying to keep futile hope alive

I think the 3rd bedroom would be better as a study - if you want to sell in the future (not for a family house naturally!! - just 'because') your house will have better resale value with 3 bedrooms.

Enjoy the lunch and be patient with the MIL

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/02/2017 13:54

Does your DH have any siblings?

If she was always looking forward to being a grandparent and her only child has announced that he isnt having kids, I can see why she is hanging on to the hope that you will change your minds. She is sad for the future that she wont have.

Is it really that often that she does this? She is staying for 5 days which indicates you dont see her that often so how often does she actually mention it?. Maybe try to be understanding of her disappointment rather than see it as a criticism, she probably isnt even aware of how she is coming across.

seafoodeatit · 02/02/2017 13:55

I'd extend into the bedroom and bathroom if possible - is there enough room to make a walk in wardrobe? Just get your DH to tell her he's sterilized, telling her you are may bring out another level of crazy and he might start telling him to find a new wife!

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2017 13:55

That doesn't entitle her to put pressure on the op though.

dowhatnow · 02/02/2017 13:57

Can't you be firm but have some sympathy for her. It's obviously a cause for hurt for her.
I'd just have a serious conversation, acknowledging that you know she will find it painful not being a grandmother, but she must stop all theses comments as it is affecting your relationship with her and she wouldn't want that to be the outcome. That you are feeling more and more resentful every time she refuses to take on board that you really don't want children.
You have to be blunt but understanding.

Lottapianos · 02/02/2017 13:58

'Poor old MIL'

Balls to that. I know what its like to have feelings about other people's situations, but if you're a polite person, you keep them to yourself. The conversation has already been had - OP and her DH have told her that children are not part of their plans. No further discussion. She needs to discuss her feelings with a friend or someone else, not keep harping on and hassling OP about what she 'should' be doing

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/02/2017 13:59

Oh and i would keep the third bedroom. My uncle did the big bathroom thing with their smallest bedroom and now has a huge 2 bed house that he is struggling to sell. Not enough bedrooms for a family but the house is very big over all for a couple with a lounge, sitting room, dining room and study downstairs, so its more than you would expect to pay for a 2 bed so no good as a starter property.

DearMrDilkington · 02/02/2017 14:02

Just say, "actually we aren't keen on children but we really like guinea pigs and now you've mentioned it, what a wonderful room it would be for the piggies to run wild."

Then call your dh in to the room and discuss how many guinea pigs could share the room.

Everyone loves guinea pigs, tell her how she could come over and lay on the floor with all of them whenever she wants.

Topseyt · 02/02/2017 14:04

She does sound very hard work.

An earlier poster suggested telling her you would turn it into a nursery for garden plants. I rather like that one.

Be direct with her. Tell her you know what she is hinting at and to please stop commenting because you are getting fed up of giving her the same answer.

I am not sure my MIL ever fully accepted that my SIL (her daughter) didn't want to have children. SIL is over 50 now and has remained true to her word, never having them. DH and I had three children, so MIL did have grandchildren. I suspect that, plus the fact that SIL lives overseas, took much of the heat off SIL.

PoppyFleur · 02/02/2017 14:05

Maybe now is a good time to tell your MIL that you and DH have an open marriage and the third bedroom will most likely be a spare bedroom for the weekends when you are both "entertaining".

DearMrDilkington · 02/02/2017 14:06

MIL's hints that we really should start reproducing....

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 02/02/2017 14:07

"She's rearranging the fridge" OMG, you poor thing.

Original poster

BuggerMyBum · 02/02/2017 14:08

No time to properly update

Me and DH are both 30

She has GCs from DH's brother and sister- three GCs in total. She's always said we'd have the "intellectual ones" of the GCs.

My mum has no other children so won't ever have GCs. She manages to keep a lid on it. In fact, I think she's relieved though she's never said.

MIL comes to stay two or three times a year for a few days. And then will pop over for a weekend visit a couple of times as well .

OP posts:

tobedo · 02/02/2017 14:10

DearMrDilkington I have studied that picture, but still can't work out how the "pigs" access the first floor.

Topseyt · 02/02/2017 14:11

Oh, and I would keep the bedroom too. Not make a large bathroom.

I knew a couple who had a two bedroom house with a large bathroom. When their second child was born the only place they could put a cot and his stuff was in their cavernous bathroom, which wasn't ideal and meant that the house took a long time to sell. A third bedroom would have made it much easier.

I would say no to a large bathroom if it was at the expense of an additional bedroom, personally.

Anyway, sorry. I will stop derailing the thread.

Famalam13 · 02/02/2017 14:13

If OP's DH is her only son then yes this means that she won't have GC and she probably feels sad about that.

That is something she needs to accept though and not bother OP and her DH about. If you have an only child then the risk of no GC is very high. As a parent of one DC I am very aware of this myself.

I would go along the vasectomy/sterilisation route. DH's vasectomy stopped the 'you will change your mind' comments from MIL :)

unfortunateevents · 02/02/2017 14:13

She's always said we'd have the "intellectual ones" of the GCs - I had some sympathy with her until you mentioned this. How incredibly hurtful and dismissive of the GC she already has! Horrible, she really shouldn't have any more GC, should she?!

Deranger01 · 02/02/2017 14:14

well, i'd have a huuuuge bathroom if I already had a spare room and was dead set that there would be no happy accidents (I had a happy accidental baby nbr 2 and had to move :). I would start a campaign op 'have you thought about volunteering with children, MIL?' I did this with mine every time she got mentionitis. The only kind thing I can think is that she just adores children - that's nice, volunteer with them. There are plenty of kids that want extra attention. It's horrid of her to sneer at the intellect of her existing GC...

Famalam13 · 02/02/2017 14:14

Sorry X post! She has GC so I can't understand her obsession at all.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/02/2017 14:20

I hope you don't keep any contraceptive in a communal bathroom, OP.

Doesn't bear thinking what MIL could get up to if she happened across a packet of condoms or the pill.

😵

Original poster

BuggerMyBum · 02/02/2017 14:20

We're leaning towards keeping the third bedroom for the sake of future selling. I know it's the right thing but I don't want to be sensible. I want a massive roll top bath

Yes, horrible thing to say about her GC. She said it even before her other GC were borneded

OP posts:

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