To think DH goes to the gym too much?

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 02/02/2017 10:08

Of course you're not unreasonable. Have you talked about it?

OliviaStabler · 02/02/2017 10:09

Have you asked him to cut back on his visits?

BingoBingoBingoBango · 02/02/2017 10:10

No you aren't being unreasonable. Nothing wrong with going to the gym but not when it means opting out on family life. Does he have any involvement at all? He has 3 children he needs to parent regardless of his work.

downwardfacingdog · 02/02/2017 10:10

Why does he work such long hours?! I would say doing any hobby 4x per week is unrealistic when you have young DC and are then to tired to help when you're home. He doesn't sound very involved in family life.

kiwidreamer · 02/02/2017 10:12

I would be frustrated with this aswell, DH would get up at 5.30am to go to the gym and at work for 9am and be home by 6.30pm, it was much better than him not getting home past 8pm (cos he had to leave at 7.30am for work anyhow so wasn't any help then anyway). That was four week day mornings, didn't go on the weekends.

You guys definitely need to discuss this before the resentment deepens.

19lottie82 · 02/02/2017 10:18

How long do your evening church groups last? Do you take the kids? Do you go every night?

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 10:19

No. Chance. Not. One.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 02/02/2017 10:19

It's one evening a week lottie.

7SunshineSeven7 · 02/02/2017 10:29

I think I wouldn't be bothered on the 11 hour day but the shorter day and the days he's off I would say that's too much.

In the morning before work would be doing anything with the kids anyway? I can't imagine having to go for an 11 hour day and be expected to get the kids ready before work if you were off anyway.

Maybe he can do mornings on the 9-6 day and one of the 9-11 days and you do mornings on the other 9-11 days when he goes to the gym? Then you share the days off.

Can you afford to get a treadmill etc at home for him to use instead of going out?

Hellochicken · 02/02/2017 10:46

I think it's too much. I think twice a week is plenty. If he wants more exercise he can do hoovering or play football in the park with your DCs.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/02/2017 10:50

I'm just surprised that he has the energy to go to the gym before an 11 hour shift . To me, it would make more sense if he was wanting to go on his shorter day & days off.

In any case, YANBU. No-one is saying he can't go to the gym at all - but it really isn't fair for him to be going so much when he is at home so little as it is.

Ginkypig · 02/02/2017 10:57

It's one evening a week starting at 7pm and by the sounds of it it's the only time she is out of the house.

No ones saying he can't go to the gym but he needs to be fair and fit into the life you have together, he can't just check out and always leave it to you.

unlucky83 · 02/02/2017 11:13

YANBU - DP is gym obsessed -tries to go every day - now DCs are older and at school it isn't really a problem...when they were younger a different story...it did become an issue and he did eventually reduce the amount of time he spent there (and learned never to complain about being tired to me...) but it did take me flipping and putting my foot down.
It isn't just the time away that is a problem.

What made me finally flip was when I asked him to do something simple (like drop older DC at a birthday party) and he said 'I'm too tired - I just want to chill this afternoon'. When I said so am I - DD2 (baby) had a bad night and today I have to do XYZ with her etc, he went into how he'd been up before 7 and worked out till 8 - did I realise how tiring a 45 min work out was? ...I'd had a lie in - was still asleep when he got back... what I had done that day? It was a bit of an own goal...
When you approach him bear this in mind though - he might have the same mentality as DP

I said something about him having been off having fun - and he told me going to the gym wasn't fun...he'd not wanted to go that morning but made himself as he knew he should keep healthy so he'd be around for the DCs and not be a burden on them etc. Can be argued against - but forewarned is forearmed and all that!!!

SansComic · 02/02/2017 11:39

His ' his week time day off" is the one I'd have a problem with.

The others, including him getting up early to go to the gym, seem fair enough. 11 hour shifts and he gets up to work out before them? What time are the children awake? Surely the 7 and 8 year old are reasonably self-sufficient?

He works 61 hours a week. 19month olds aren't easy but it seems he's doing his share of the household work!

There was a thread here today with a woman complaining her husband worked 2-3 days a week and wasn't pulling his weight. You're probably does more in 2 days.

Original poster

PigInMuck86 · 02/02/2017 17:47

SansComic the only housework he does is cooking his own food and thats only because he weighs it all and i point blank refuse to. He takes care of his children by himself one evening a week - hardly "pulling his weight".

Yes i don't expect him to pitch in on his long days. All three dds wake at 6.30 and pre gym he left at 8.30 a.m. so we all sat down together at 7 for breakfast. Now the dds basically don't see him for 4 days.

And yes to the being tired all the time and me not possibly knowing what tired feels like. It was a bloody GP who kick started this telling DH he neeed to be more active based on his BMI. DH cycles to and from work (4 miles each way) and has an active job where he is on his feet and lifting. Cos of this he has a lot of muscle which affected his BMI.

OP posts:

7SunshineSeven7 · 02/02/2017 18:28

It was a bloody GP who kick started this telling DH he neeed to be more active based on his BMI

So your OH is working is arse off in the gym before an 11 hour day on a GPs orders because of a high BMI and you're complaining at him?

Tell him to go only on the days he's doing 11 hours shifts, he can see the kids the other 4 days. Its vital to prolonging his life and improving his health.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/02/2017 18:53

BMI is not a useful measure for heavily-muscled people. Fit-as-a-fiddle rugby players routinely fall into obese levels of BMI when they're nothing of the sort.

Did you witness the GP tell your husband this? Does your husband genuinely think he's fat? Or is he just sacking off family life as much as he can?

joystir59 · 02/02/2017 19:05

BMI is not a useful measure for heavily-muscled people.

Giving me hope that perhaps I'm just on of these.

Purplepicnic · 02/02/2017 19:23

He weighs his food? What do you mean?

7SunshineSeven7 · 02/02/2017 19:27

I think if a doctor saw someones BMI and saw that they were muscled they would put 2 and 2 together and not tell them to be more active. They would realise they are active.

I can only imagine a doctor telling someone who looked inactive with a high BMI to get active. You can be muscled but also need to lose weight, I know people who have high active jobs moving things around, their chest and arms are muscled but they have a pudgy stomach from not eating right. They need to lose that weight.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2017 19:42

9-10 is a 13 hour day isn't it? Not 11. That is a bloody long time at work. You also must be exhausted, it's hard work to basically have to do it all on your own.

7SunshineSeven7 · 02/02/2017 19:43

You're right, I just can't bloody tell the time!

EastMidsMummy · 02/02/2017 19:47

3 dds aged 19 months, 7 and 8. DH works long hours 9 - 10 4 days a week, 9-6 one day and two days off. He has started going to the gym 4 mornings a week on his way to work all on his long days. So is out the house 6 a.m. till 10.30 p.m. His 9 - 6 day i go out to a Church group at 7. But i never bloody get a lie in as his three non gym mornings hes too tired. And now he started going to the gym on his week time day off. Other day off is a Sunday and he lies in bed while i take the girls to Church. Just starting to wonder whats the fecking point in marriage if i never see him?.And utterly fed up of getting 3 kids up and ready and out on my own and then having to slog through bedtime. AIBU?

Yes, as there is no God.

oldlaundbooth · 02/02/2017 19:49

@ East

chasingrainbows27 · 02/02/2017 19:50

I actually think YABU,

If he works all of those hours maybe he sees his gym time as his only time to himself? He's probably making a huge effort to get up that extra bit early to go. If I worked such long hours I think I would want to feel like I'd done something in my day other than work, sleep and eat.

Do you work? Does he really lay in bed all day on his day off?