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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So so mad

37 replies

WoopWoop200 · 02/02/2017 09:11

I have been mad for days....but DH has been having trouble with his business so I didn't think it would be the right time to rip him a new one!!!!!!

He runs his own business. 1st time he fucked up, his grandad bailed him out. 2nd time he fucked up, our personal savings bailed him out. Now the 3rd time hes fucking up....has affected us.

I am pregnant with our 2nd child. Applying for mortgages. Working and studying. We said we'd tighten our belts to give me the chance to advance my career seeing as we had spent yrs setting his up. Then this fucking happens. We're already minus £7000 towards a new house because of his last fuck up. He said it would be paid back in within 3 months....1 yr later and still nothing. But he buys a brand spanking new vehicle behind my back!! But "Don't worry, the company pays for it" then why the fuck doesnt the company pay back the fucking loan it took off us so we can get a fucking house!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, this is more of a rant

But would I be unreasonable to demand the money owed back?? He's looking at loans to help put things back in track so could it come from there

OP posts:

luckylucky24 · 02/02/2017 09:15

I would be demanding the car goes back to pay for the loan.

bookwormnerd · 02/02/2017 09:18

He needs to think of your family. Having your own buisness is hard. My parents struggled for my dads buisness and my mum was left saving pennies at a time to afford food and we had fear of baliefs and losing home. If the buisness is not working he needs to evaluate if it is viable or if he needs to work for someone else. He also needs to be sure if you do buy you can afford morgage if something else goes wrong. I think if it was me I would be sitting down with him and say family money is needed back and he needs to look at if his buisness can afford new car and also have a chat about family finances especially with second child on way.

NavyandWhite · 02/02/2017 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cushioncovers · 02/02/2017 09:21

Oh dear he has form for this and imo he won't change. 3 Fuck ups and buying a vehicle behind your back doesn't sound like a recipe for a successful business sorry to state the obvious he sounds like he's not cut out to be his own boss, I think either you need to be an equal hands on partner in the business to help him keep on track or he needs to get a regular job working for someone else.

Enidblyton1 · 02/02/2017 09:25

Sadly your DH doesn't sound like the sort of person who should be running his own business. You could ask for your money back, but there presumably is no money to give back? More loans would not be a good idea. Buying a new car was completely irresponsible of him (unless it's a requirement of the business) Does your DH recognise that there is a problem or is he an eternal optimist? He needs to get some decent business/financial advice from a professional. Is it an option for him to wind up this third business quickly and to get a job? Not always easy if he's worked for himself for years, but sadly the most sensible option if it's available.

cushioncovers · 02/02/2017 09:26

What does he fuck up with? Is it quoting too little or not putting anything aside for tax? or not getting enough work to make the business viable?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/02/2017 09:28

How is he fucking up, is it the same each time?

Tbh after the second time I'd have been out of there

LizzieMacQueen · 02/02/2017 09:45

Having a dream of running your own business is an admirable thing BUT ONLY if you have a viable back up plan. What is his?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/02/2017 09:51

How can you get a mortgage if DH's business is making a loss? I assume it's making a loss if he has had to bail it out twice already?

Unless there's a reason why you have to move now, I would suggest waiting a couple of years until you've finished your studying/training and by which time, hopefully, DH will either have made the business more profitable or cut his losses and gone into employment.

There does need to be a cut off point I think. While some people, lots of people, are doing very well running their own businesses it definitely doesn't work for everyone. Knowing when enough is enough and looking for a paid job may be the way forward for your DH.

expatinscotland · 02/02/2017 09:51

Vehicle goes back or we're through. He needs to get a real job. He's a dosser.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/02/2017 09:52

If a business needs bailing out three times then the business doesn't appear to be working

BarbaraofSeville · 02/02/2017 10:00

Does he understand that 'the company pays for it' doesn't make the vehicle free as it increases the cost to the business, thus reducing profit and hence his income?

user892 · 02/02/2017 10:12

The business will have to show stable and growing profits for the past two or three years in order to obtain a mortgage of even £25K...

peggyundercrackers · 02/02/2017 10:21

have you said anything to him? if not why not?

StickyMouse · 02/02/2017 10:24

You will lose money trying to get rid of a brand new vehicle, either it will be tied into a lease plan or it will lose a lot and be sold as a Used vehicle. You can't just send it back for a refund. You will lose 20% in Vat alone.

I would ask him to sit down and tell you how the £7k is going to be repaid, set up a payment plan, a loan will cost more due to interest, if he can pay loan payments then he can pay instalments to the family finances?

I would also be looking for assurance of how he is going to prevent another disaster. You need financial stability

helpimitchy · 02/02/2017 10:25

Is he a 'serial entrepreneur' by any chance.

Tell him it's time to act responsibly and get a proper job. Only certain types of people are suited to running their own business and your dh doesn't sound as though he's one of them.

HateSummer · 02/02/2017 10:26

He's obviously not very good at his job is he?

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 02/02/2017 10:27

If you're running a business that's making a loss year after year, then you don't have a business - you have a cash sucking hobby.

If he's taking on extra costs/expenses/debt behind your back then it's time for an ultimatum. Get the business on track, or get a salaried job, or fuck off.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 02/02/2017 10:46

Your posts writes as if it's some irresponsible younger brother you have bailed out, not the father of your children and someone who is meant to be your partner.

The guy has pissed away your joint finances and purchased a car behind your back - do you seriously want to be purchasing a property with someone who couldn't be trusted with Sunday night's takeaway fund?

He sounds like a complete man child - take control of your finances and get out.

littlemissneela · 02/02/2017 10:51

Just because he has messed up with his business 3 times, doesn't mean he is bad at business. We have had several close calls over the past 20 odd years with our business, but this was due to other people owing us money and going out of business. My parents helped us out a huge amount, even buying our food a few times.
You need to talk to him about how he is messing up and causing your family financial problems. Plus, he needs to explain why he is taking money out of your house buying pot to buy a car!

hmcAsWas · 02/02/2017 10:55

I feel for you.

I think it is time your dh gave up on his dream and got salaried employment.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/02/2017 10:55

I couldn't live like this at all.

Kr1stina · 02/02/2017 10:56

If you're running a business that's making a loss year after year, then you don't have a business - you have a cash sucking hobby. If he's taking on extra costs/expenses/debt behind your back then it's time for an ultimatum. Get the business on track, or get a salaried job, or fuck off

This. I say this as someone who run a successful business and employs 15 people. And has no mortgage.

But neither of us run a brand new car. Because , you know, the spare cash goes into the business.

GallivantingWildebeest · 02/02/2017 10:58

He fucked up his business three times and bought a new car behind your back when you're meant to be saving for a house?

You're pregannt?

He needs to wind up his business and get a proper job. The car needs to go back, he needs to work out a plan to pay you back.

He needs to start being a responsible partner and father and not expect everyone else to bail him out. Making huuge financial decisions by himself is a big no-no too.

Paleninteresting · 02/02/2017 11:11

My father did something similar and as a child it was very stressful to live with, hearing the rows over money and then having to support my mothers rants about the situation.

He did the same with a car, I remember it and at times despise him for it. When it was good it was excellent, the bad times were not worth it though.

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