To live most of my life in my own head

[LionRichie]

Today, in between playing with the toddler and doing all the boring house shit that comes with being a SAHP, I've spent maybe 80% of my time fantasising about a life in which I'm kidnapped by a hot 19th century highwayman. Turns out I'm an amazing sword fighter even in a corset and flowing dress.

Does anyone else make up these complex imaginary scenarios or am I going insane?! AIBU to spend most of my time in my own daydreams and not care?

Today I listened to Dersert Island Discs, then spent most of my day in N imaginary interview. Choosing the music was hard, but everyone was lovely. I got to plug my latest book and describe how I came up with the character and storylines. IT was SO exciting.

I recommend everyone give it a go.

Almost completely housebound with my dad as full time carer due to illness, i typically fantasise about just having a normal life, living independently of my dad with a partner who works 9-5 then spends evenings cuddling on the sofa with a film.
And the lottery win and amazing life that i'd have (without ilness present)
Or revenge on my emotionally and sexually abusive LDR ex, but thats rather violent (and something im absolutely not capable of irl, even to him)
I sometimes worry it's unhealthy, but when every day of my lfe is spent on the same sofa looking at the same 4 or 5 websites with the occasional video game or netflix, it can be an escape from a painful, boring and frustrating reality, and it's not hurting anyone.

Oooh, yes! Love this thread! And Google Maps and Street View help make the settings even more vivid! As one poster said, I love choreographing every detail.

I don't do this now as my life has been so full of drama for more than 20 years.

Oh yes! I have always done this.
I am an undercover introvert (people dont believe I am because I can be quite chatty -when I have to be around people- and because of my job)

I thought I was the only one and only ever spoke to someone about it at uni. It turned out she did it too!!! We both called it "the movie" and will go to bed early to be in the movie. Nobody else knows.

They used to be more complex but depression ruined them a bit for me

Another favourite place is the car as a passenger. Great place for stories

Adding to what Western said, I think daydreaming can also be a bit of a refuge for people who have a very busy and socially/emotionally overloaded life.

I grew up in a very tight-knit and loving family with several siblings, there was always some kind of social interaction going on and my expected rol was that of the family peacemaker. Plenty of chances to practise social interaction, but sometimes a little tiring.

Now I have an interesting job which requires a lot of people-interaction and a lot of creativity (writing); also a family - very loving but with some health issues- which looks on me as their rock, the person who is there to make them laugh and feel brave. And I have a niggling but non-serious pain thing going on most of the time, so am usually in some physical discomfort.

Being able to set off for 15th century France or early 20th century London or (occasionally) a chat with my 18yo self is rather restful. I can play out the most dramatic scenarios, I can let people who are me and yet not me stomp their feet and say the most horrible things, or suffer horrendous injuries, or have completely reckless adventures (there is a very good horse racing scene in France, which I keep revisiting), or be misunderstood and then appreciated, or just say funny and clever things which I never seem to think of in real life.

Customary, what you say about rehearsing conversations for every day ordinary interactions makes me more willing to tackle difficult conversations because I have good practice and a natural at role-playing situations in my head.

I work in compliance in a new role in which I have to make people open up to me about possible gaps in their day-to-day practice and then work with them to change and implement it. I get resistance and tricky characters and issues (possible incompetence, disinterest, belligerence) Hey, rather than shy away, I go off and sort it out with them, their manager, my manager etc Many difficult conversations and sometimes even confrontations, frustration and wheel-spinning but also progress. My everyday worklife is the exact opposite of introversion. Quiet observation of human behaviour, planning strategies and war-gaming in my head help me to find creative and nuanced ways to break through impasses which is an introvert's strength, I think.

Hence the daydreaming in my down time where everything is perfect and I am the star that everyone admires and wants to please ...

And of course "in times of stress you regress", so if your childhood didn't provide you with a solid enough foundation in socialising, it can help to go back over everything mentally from time to time, or even regularly. And the longer you go on having ok social skills, the better your chances of hanging onto them in times of stress, so the less need you might have to brush up on them, which could be one explanation for some people needing to daydream less as they get older.
Very true this I think. I do find myself turning more to particular daydreams when I'm stressed because they provide comfort and a help to sorting my head out. Though in some ways I'm daydreaming more as I get older but that's because I'm struggling more socially (I think I've struggled for so many years to fit in (autism) that now I've run out of steam and therefore notice more what I'm getting wrong, which is stressful in itself).

This is known as maladaptive daydreaming disorder broadly.vice.com/en_us/topic/maladaptive-daydreaming-disorder

So what do the people who don't do this think about all day long?

Why is it called a disorder? I haven't clicked on the link because I don't want to be told there's anything wrong with an imagination.
Nobody in this thread has begged for help to overcome it. It's normal, it's harmless, it enriches our humdrum lives.

Yes! There was a good thread a few months ago all about this sort of thing.

I love these threads because they make me feel slightly normal.

I go through the stones back to the 18th century and meet Jamie Fraser.
We fall madly in love and he calls me his sassenach
Drooooool

I think western hit the nail on the head.

I was very lonely as a child and socially awkward, daydreams were company and useful for learning to deal with situations I had difficulty with in real life. My fantasy life diminished sometimes for months or even years but I usually regress to it during times of stress or illness. It is still a lot of fun, and means I never get bored

This thread has made me feel much less special, which is a bummer.

It's not maladaptive daydreaming unless it is obsessive, replaces acutal human interation and interferes with the person's ability to get on with everyday life in a normal way - e.g. it produces an INABILITY to complete tasks because of the pull of the fantasy which can lead to not being able to hold down a job. It is so serious it is frequently misdiagnosed as schizophrenia.

That's not what is being described here at all.

I used to do this all the time. It's really useful to combat stress and anxiety.

I honestly don't think there's a problem with it.

I think this sort of mental escapism is more likely to become damaging if other people are involved in the fantasies - I'm thinking of the Parker-Hulme murders, and Antonia Forest's take on the Brontes (if anyone has read the novel 'Peter's Room' in which this theme is explored). If it's a sole pastime, it's generally self-limiting - you do remain fully aware of the real world and your place in it throughout.

user1471537898

maybe you should have read the posts on thee thread before puttinig that link up.

We dont spend hours daydreaming to the detriment of our own lives, we do it in our spare time, before bed. Its not stopping us doing our jobs or living our lives with our families.

Dont be an armchair psychiatrist, its dangerous.

Nothing wrong with an active imagination. In fact I feel sorry for people who have no imagination, how can they enjoy a film, book, play without getting absorbed into it?

Willow2016 well said.

I'm sure many of us would prefer to spend time in our imaginary worlds than to go to work or do household tasks - but that's no different from anyone who'd prefer to be lounging on a beach or building a model railway or playing Pokémon or whatever other hobby they have - fantasies don't give you licence to abandon the mechanics of daily existence any more than other pastimes do. Unfortunately

This is me! I've done it for as long as I can remember and I'm a voracious reader too. I'm never, ever bored, because the goings on in my head provide endless entertainment.

I'm Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes' younger sister (nothing like Eurus in the programme), who everyone thinks is less intellectual, so don't expect much from me, but really I'm just as clever. More creative too. I live in the same house in Baker Street, but have my own little rooms. John Watson is of course in love with me, but Sherlock is fiercely protective of his incredibly beautiful sister.

Sigh.

Sleep

Just come back to this thread too busy daydreaming and that maladaptive daydreaming link is really interesting (haven't read further yet in thread yet, sorry).

I have daydreamed and pretended I have various different life scenarios since I was a pre-teen. With hindsight, I now know that I used this escapism as a way of dealing with a particularly stressful point in my life that culminated in a suicide attempt at 11. When I was a young teenager I started "seeing" a boy and became so uncomfortable with how that situation conflicted with my made-up life that I ended that relationship before it had even really begun. I thought I was a bit mad and never told anyone the real reason for stopping it so quickly. Your link explains a lot!

I think I was fortunate in that I realised pretty sharpish that if I wanted to have proper relationships with people then I would have to either sideline the daydreaming or adapt it so that it didn't override real life and I was also fortunate in that I was able to just do it.

I still have my alternative realities, but they're little pods of escapism now rather than the overriding coping mechanism they used to be

Sorry for the slight downer but Sleep's link was a massive revelation!

Ah, I see user referred to it too.

Bit of a leap to diagnose everyone on this thread with a serious disorder there, user. What's being described here is fun rather than dysfunctional.