TLDR: I am friends with my brother, and he has no idea we're even related. Our shared father has stopped me from telling him for 16 years.
Hello mums (and others).
So this is a pretty crazy story, which I hope I can paint clearly for you in this post. I guess I'll have to start at the beginning, so I apologise in advance.
I didn't have a present father when I was growing up. I only really ever had my mum. She was awesome, but I always wanted to know where the other part of my DNA came from. Milkman, Secret Agent, Sperm Bank, whatever. I had assumptions, like every kid in that situation would - but they only ever came to light when I was around 12 years old. She had this friend (who we'll call K) who was periodically around the house. Sometimes he'd visit for coffee, she'd pick him up from the pub, or they'd get drunk and he'd spend the night. Never anything more than that.
One evening, I asked her if he was my dad. She said he was. At the time, I was excited. Adolescentently, I thought that once I'd uncovered his identity he'd suddenly become the dad I wanted. I was wrong.
Turns out he already had a family who lived one street away from my mum and I. He had a wife... a daughter who was 2 years older than me... and a son who was 2 years younger than me.
That's right. I was the love child of a married man who decided to stay with his wife and keep me a secret.
Fast forward.
In my early 20's I was in a rock band which was gaining some national hype. Before leaving for a short UK stint, we were invited for an interview with a local music magazine in our home town. We sat down on one side of the desk, and on the other side sat my brother. Needless to say, I could barely get a sentence together.
In any case, the interview went well, and it turned out that he and I got on really well. So much so that HE decided to keep in touch. We aren't best friends or anything, but he'd happily drop me a line to talk about music.
I've asked my biological father on countless occasions to allow me the opportunity to approach my brother and form a true relationship. He denies it at every turn, claiming that it wouldn't a good time due to university exams, or other such nonsense.
Fast forward.
I've since had 2 daughters, the latter of whom will be turning 1 in a fortnight. K has nothing to do with these children and has met neither. Since having kids, I've approached my father again - in the hopes that he could understand why I want my brother (and to a similar extent, sister) to be involved in my family.
I feel like I've reached the end of my tether, and I need to bring this to a close. It's been 16 years of waiting. And I think about my brother every day.
Am I being unreasonable to disregard my "father" and his wishes.... by just approaching my brother anyway and trying to get what I've always wanted?