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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 23:25

I actually have a friend who slapped her boyfriend after he insulted her and he then threw her to the ground and broke her arm in two places.

It's a classic abuser tactic. Abuser goads victim into hitting him so he can hit her much, much harder and then blame her.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 23:25

Just because men are more often violent that doesn't mean we know what happened in this case.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/01/2017 23:25

Ah okay Cherry - so it's fine to hit someone (yet again, not in self defence) and not risk them hitting you back.

Try going into the street tomorrow and slapping a stranger round the face and see how reasonable they are

Salmotrutta · 31/01/2017 23:25

Two things:-

  1. He shouldn't have hit you back and certainly not hard enough to bring tears to your eyes.

  2. Anyone who pulled me up by saying "Who do you think you're talking to?" then hit me with a newspaper would be regarded by me as an ignorant arse who didn't know how to conduct themselves in the workplace.

The guy was very wrong to hit but I'm betting you and you're colleagues are not too nice with your "we don't like him" attitude.

Original poster
QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 23:25

Ok, I'll add in and clarify again!
I am no liar and I am not minimising what happened. If I had punched or whacked this guy hard then I'd have no complaint. But I didn't. I was holding a newspaper in an open reading position and closed it together with both my hands and flapped it in his direction tapping him in the process. The best way to describe it was more of a shooing away motion which unfortunately made contact. He then came towards and walloped me on the arm with his open hand really, really hard.
I was standing in the doorway of a room he was on the outside, the colleague in the room with me was not in sight of the guy in question as I was holding the door half open whilst standing in the doorway.
And yes I am willing to get back what I give out - I just did not give out a full on wallop on the arm.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 31/01/2017 23:25

I've never hit anyone either. Just incase that wasn't clear enough.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/01/2017 23:26

So it was a slap on the arm? Is there bruising?

Bettersleepoutdoors · 31/01/2017 23:28

wallop does not mean punch
if he punched you, or intentionally hurt you or made you afraid he would hurt you or injured you then that is assault and needs reporting.
as I said way back, only you know.
The account of events has a life of its own here.

ArriettyClock1 · 31/01/2017 23:28

I would think if you take it further, he's going to say you hit him first.

You were both wrong.

You may have only tapped or flapped at him or whatever and he may have hit you hard, but you were both wrong imo.

steff13 · 31/01/2017 23:28

What was the other thing that he said before he "walloped" you?

Tweedledee3Tweedledum · 31/01/2017 23:28

Op, go with your gut instinct. Yes, you 'play' hit with the newspaper, that does not give him the right to retaliate in a way that was hurtful.

His behaviour cannot be justified by what you did.

Don't worry about what people respond on here. If this has made you feel that uncomfortable, speak to your boss.

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 23:29

QueenyLaverne Your post was clear.
Talk to ACAS and HR, it wasnt acceptable. Even if you shouldnt have swatted him.

Posters that are excusing DV should be ashamed of themselves.

Bettersleepoutdoors · 31/01/2017 23:29

x post.
you have your answer then

roseshippy · 31/01/2017 23:29

"The OP said she felt violated do you honestly think the larger man felt violated or intimidated as the OP did?"

Really?

The man's possible side of the story 'OP constantly belittles and humiliates me in front of colleagues. I came to bring her some supplies, she said "who do you think your talking to!" as if she feels superior to me. This has been going on for months and the atmosphere is unbearable and I dread going to work. After humiliating me by saying that, she then hit me with a newspaper, as if to taunt me for talking to her, so I slapper her arm.'

She literally says in the OP that the entire office dislikes him. It's quite likely he does feel humiliated and did feel humiliated by her behaviour.

bumsexatthebingo · 31/01/2017 23:30

Ok so if it was really, really hard there will be injury - a bruise, swelling or some kind of mark. Photograph it and contact the police. Don't fanny about with HR!

Seeingadistance · 31/01/2017 23:30

You should report this. It was clearly a disproportionate and violent response to your actions. A pp made a good comparison when they likened it to someone being hit by a paper plane turning round and throwing a brick in response.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 23:30

Unlike some people on this thread who just seem to want to make up any old crap, to back up the points they're trying to make.

Yes, like people who said OP hit him with a rolled up newspaper Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/01/2017 23:30

Yeah don't listen to all the mean people OP...

roseshippy · 31/01/2017 23:30

"Posters that are excusing DV should be ashamed of themselves."

This is not domestic violence.

roseshippy · 31/01/2017 23:32

"Yes, like people who said OP hit him with a rolled up newspaper hmm"

or the ones that insist OP was punched when she was actually slapped?

steff13 · 31/01/2017 23:32

IMO, assuming the absence of a visible injury, it's an issue of "he said," "she said." I would anticipate that if you report it, you'll both wind up being disciplined for your part in the exchange.

StarryIllusion · 31/01/2017 23:33

So you hit him and it's banter, he hits you and it's a violation? Yeah I think you're being a bit precious. You made it physical. If he is bigger than you then a swat is going to be more forceful, I doubt he meant to hurt you.

Perhaps take it as a lesson not to go around hitting people if you can't deal with being hit back.

DJBaggySmalls · 31/01/2017 23:34

roseshippy the thread has moved on past the comment excusing DV.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 23:34

or the ones that insist OP was punched when she was actually slapped?

I didn't say punched, but as many posters pointed out, walloped and punched mean the same thing in some parts.

KoalaDownUnder · 31/01/2017 23:35

God this thread is depressing. It's like everyone is so desperate to not be seen as unfair to men that they cannot see what is just common sense.

I agree completely. This thread is unbelievable.

Report the aggressive bastard, OP, and hope that your workplace HR show more common sense than the posters here.