To report my colleague for hitting me

[QueenyLaverne]

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

So livia, when i smacked the back of my exbf hand to make him let got of something he was trying to force me to let go of, was he then justified in punching me in the face?

Glad the police didn't think so.

"Apparently the degree of force is not relevant, so if you chuck a paper plane, please expect a brick to the back of the skull, because you provoked it? This is some very dangerous thinking, and it actually angers me greatly to read these comments."

The degree of force is not clear though. OP said she felt tearful not because of the pain, but because she felt violated.

However the man felt violated too, when she felt fit to respond to his perceived snarkiness by hitting him with a newspaper, which is why he hit her back.

So both parties feel violated. OP felt pain but doesn't mention bruising, wounding, etc.

It's not clear to me that you can make this a gendered argument. If a slightly built man flicked a big burly bloke, and he responded by giving him a good thump on the arm, people would say 'what the fuck did you expect?'

The actual degree of force is completely relevant. If you went to the police and you flicked someone and they responded by shoving you and you aren't injured they would not pursue the case. The police do not investigate pushing and shoving.

If he HAD knocked her out with a brick that's a different story.

But in the real world, rather than some Mumsnet fantasy land, someone slapping you because you flicked them is not going to provoke a 'he's obviously an abuser, lock him up' sort of response.

userformally Exactly!

A hard punch is not a normal reaction to a situation like that, and if you think it is, you are probably going to have problems in future social interactions, you absolute shitting maniacs.

Oh fantastic. So the hard of reading have now changed the 'wallop' (again - the OP's actual words) to 'hard punch'.

Any advances on hard punch?

Do I hear a "good kicking?"

How about an "assault with a deadly weapon", while we're making our own stories up?

Well thank God I married a man who wouldn't dream of punching me in the face if I slapped him.

Not that I would btw.

You could hit someone fairly hard with a paper rolled up btw.

Except OP said the paper was open, as she was reading it at the time. You literally couldn't hurt a fly by tapping an open paper. The pages lack impact due to lack of force.

Bumsex op already said the paper was not rolled up.
If she behaved in the same way to me, I would've made a complaint while she was completely in the wrong.

She said flicked a flat paper towards him. NOT rolled.
It lightly touched him with the edges.
If he had sleeves he probably wouldn't have felt a thing.

To make it in anyway equivalent to a assault that left op in pain is fucking ridiculous and frankly thick.

I actually have a friend who slapped her boyfriend after he insulted her and he then threw her to the ground and broke her arm in two places.
She wieghs about 8 stone and he is roid head body builder type.
She genuinely didnt report it to the police because apparently it was her own fault for slapping him. Apparently a large number of her 'friends' thought she was in the wrong as well and it was just a fight.
Its disgusting.
There may be some cases where men and women are completely physically matched and are genuinely fighting with each other but those cases are rare. There may also be cases where women are larger and more aggressive than men and genuinely frightening them but again those cases are rare.
In the most part male on female violence has far more serious consequences even if both genders have been violent just because men tend to be stronger physically than women, they also tend to be brought up to be more physical and learn how to punch etc they are also less intimidated generally by physical violence. Its also about fear and dynamic of power. There are exceptions of course but this from the OP does not sound like one of them.

He sounds like an absolute fuckwit. Obviously stay away from him in future.

Not sure there is much you can do. This thread has shown there are some seriously thick people about, and they may work in your HR.

Yeah, he'll get away with it.

P00pchute - you posted directly after me. I sincerely hope you weren't referring to my post!

"Well thank God I married a man who wouldn't dream of punching me in the face if I slapped him."

Is the OP married to this man now?

Cherry Self defence is a totally different issue. FFS I'm not advocating that men should punch women - just that you don't get to hit someone (regardless of how hard) and then whine when they hit back.

Ftr I have never hit anyone in anger in my life.

How is your arm now, OP?

Oh fantastic. So the hard of reading have now changed the 'wallop' (again - the OP's actual words) to 'hard punch'.

Are you serious? What do you think a 'wallop' is?

rosehippy is completely right. If the op isn't bruised both parties committed a minor assault. Instigated by the op.

Oh of course Bumsex the op must have really hit him and he only tapped her back. Because of course men are never violent.

Fucks sake.

just that you don't get to hit someone (regardless of how hard) and then whine when they hit back.

Yes, yes you do, it isn't an excuse to retaliate.

the fear thing shouldnt be ignored. The OP said she felt violated do you honestly think the larger man felt violated or intimidated as the OP did?
OP should not have hit him with the paper of course but that in no way negates what he did to her and the actions are not equivalent.

If you slap someone in anger (rather than self defence) then you don't get to take the moral high ground. It's assault, regardless of how little it hurts. Why is it okay for a woman to slap a man? What if the woman is bigger and stronger than the man? Presumably that's still okay!

I'd avoid him but at the end of the day you did hit him first so it will cause a bad atmosphere but he will get away with it because you did hit him first. Just keep out of his way - totally professional and no more banter.
And best keep your hands off of others as you don't know how it might be interpreted.

No she isn't married to him

I asked if it was OK for a man to punch a woman in the face if she slaps him. Apparently it is.

Clearly the thread has progressed a little and we aren't just talking about the OP now.

Punch/wallop mean the same where i am.
You can kill a person with a punch. You cannot kill a person with a newspaper(rolled up,hit with max force).

TheStoic I have already explained that a wallop can be a hard open handed slap, or you can even wallop someone with a rolled up magazine for example.

It doesn't have to be a punch.

The OP didn't say punch, so I have no reason to believe she meant punch.

Unlike some people on this thread who just seem to want to make up any old crap, to back up the points they're trying to make.

Hmcaswas, I type far too slowly for that kind of rapid response.