To report my colleague for hitting me

[QueenyLaverne]

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

Yes this thread IS depressing - the number of people who think that being a woman is a free pass to do what you like without someone retaliating...

I don't think the comparisons to the power imbalance in DV are entirely relevant here.
If he hit you "really really hard" and it still hut at the end of your shift then you might want to take a picture of the mark and report him. That is assault.

Livia

This thread IS depressing - the number of people who think that being a woman is a free pass to do what you like without someone retaliating...

This is disingenuous and wilful misunderstanding. People have consistently objected to the disproportionately of response, not given OP a free pass.

Exactly what Chloe84 just said.

I didn't mean the OP - the thread has moved on from that. There are people arguing that if they slap a partner then he can't hit back.

And it isn't 'disingenuous' or 'wilful misunderstanding'

I would report to a manger/Hr What he did was a step to far as pp have said it was way out of proportion! It may be that the I ncident gets taken as a case of work place fooling around gone to far (not saying that's right.) However I think it's important the management/hr are made aware as it will help to build a picture if this happens again or a pattern of him overstepping appears they can then they can take action. When no one reports people are allowed to get away with too much. In the same vein IF as some posters are suggesting he feels victimised (of which we have no evidence) he should report. These things should be handled through the correct channels its not ok to take things into your own hands.

He is clearly in the wrong, however if you do take this further the fact remains, you hit him first. He could argue it was not in a lighthearted way, he could say he felt threatened and was defending himself. If he is a knob, as you say, then he most certainly will use this to stir up a whole lot of trouble and quite honestly, do you need all that drama?

I would tell him tomorrow that he really hurt you and your arm is sore, make sure he understands that hitting you that hard was unacceptable. I'd say to him that you considered taking the matter further but have decided not to, however, in the future there will be no more playful banter and he is never to touch you again.

And then I'd stay well away from him and only speak to him for work related matters in a professional way.

I think you've learned a lesson here and exactly how much of a prick he is, I'd just chalk it up to a bad experience and keep an eye on him in the future.

" I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated."

Please report this.

You tapped him with a newspaper and he walloped you on the arm. It's a total over reaction. It's not fair behaviour on his part. If he wasn't comfortable with the banter he should have ignored you or told you not to talk to him like that.

You may end up getting told off for your part in the banter but it will be on record that he is someone you can't joke around with because he over reacts.

TheStoic I have already explained that a wallop can be a hard open handed slap, or you can even wallop someone with a rolled up magazine for example.

No, a 'wallop' is not a 'slap'. Only someone desperately grasping at straws would think it was. And he didn't have a magazine.

Is there a reason you think it was unlikely to be a punch?

It was an open handed slap - the OP clarified

He may have an injury on his arm and it hurt so did the same to you. Don't hut people. At the very least you don't know how they'll react.

I'm pretty shocked to be honest.

Yes unwise to banter with someone you don't know well as you won't know how they will react. But really as bad as each other?

Unless the paper gave him a paper cut he would barely feel it. A proper whack on the arm however, very painful.

I'm also surprised as many women here agree that a man should never hit a woman / be intimidating with his size yet this is different?

If someone I didn't like did this I wouldn't flip straight to rage and violence. I'd likely grab at the paper as an automatic thing and then be miserable and say that wasn't funny.

Lots of double standards here.

I didn't mean the OP - the thread has moved on from that. There are people arguing that if they slap a partner then he can't hit back.

I find your view extraordinary, given the awful examples other posters have given.

The poster who talked about her family member being slapped in the face with a placemat after waving it in her partner's face?

The man who insulted his wife and then shoved her and broke her arm in two places when she slapped him?

The man who attacked his wife for daring to slap his hand to get him to let go of something?

You really think these women deserved what they got?

"Is there a reason you think it was unlikely to be a punch?"

You don't punch with an open hand, which is how the OP said he "walloped" her.

*JustSpeakSense& "... if you do take this further the fact remains, you hit him first."

hit
hɪt/Submit
verb
1.
bring one's hand or a tool or weapon into contact with (someone or something) quickly and forcefully.
"Marius hit him in the mouth"
synonyms: strike, slap, smack, cuff, punch, beat, thrash, thump, batter, belabour, drub, hook, pound, smash, slam, welt, pummel, hammer, bang, knock, swat, whip, flog, cane, sucker-punch, rain blows on, give someone a (good) beating/drubbing, box someone's ears; More

She didn't hit him, she tapped him.

tap - definition and synonyms

1 [INTRANSITIVE/TRANSITIVE]Sound effect to touch someone or something gently and to move them slightly, or to make a soft knocking sound
Michael tapped his nose with his forefinger.
He tapped another code into the computer.
Several young men sat tapping away at keyboards (=using computers).
tap at/on/against: We could hear someone tapping at the door.
tap someone on something: I tapped him on the shoulder and he jumped.

I think bantering with someone that you don't know or don't like is a twattish thing anyway. And i include both of them in that.

THE OP SINCE CLARIFIED THAT HE SLAPPED HER WITH AN OPEN HAND

HTH

He then came towards and walloped me on the arm with his open hand really, really hard.

OK so can we please find out if there is bruising or other injury?

What we have at the moment is

(a) OP commits minor assault with newspaper
(b) Man responds by slapping her.

Presumably there is some degree of slap whereby people would agree that what he did is no worse than what she did, let's say he responded with a 'playful tap' rather than a 'wallop'.

(I don't agree at all that her assault was 'banter' - she plainly dislikes him. If I banterously tapped my best friend with a newspaper then that's very different from doing it to someone I hate - this was an assault.

Here's a big strong man being assaulted in a similar context.

You can't just say 'it was only a bit of paper'. It's an unwanted assault.
)

The other man would just say that he intended to respond in kind and didn't intend any excessive force, maybe he slapped her harder than he intended, but his intent was also 'banterous', and without bruising there's really no case to answer.

The legal definition of an assault is to cause someone to apprehend immediate unlawful violence, this means that there does not have to be physical touching to constitute an assault, saying to someone "I'm going to punch you" is and assault

The level of force is also not relevant in a case of Common Assault, which is basically a battery (physiacal assault), where an injury has not been caused or the injury is very minor ie redness, slight swelling bruising etc, where injury is caused this could be an assault occasioning actual bodily harm (AOABH) or in the case of serious injury Grievous Bodily Harm

From what the OP has stated, I do not believe there is any injury to either person so we are then down to Common Assault on both sides - regardless of the level of force used. Both parties going on the facts given have committed a Common Assault.

So we now get down to the defences - the OP is not defending herself from unlawful violence, there is no indication in her post that she felt threatened or took any course of action to mitigate any threat that she felt, and she "shooed" this guy away. Can she say it was everyday inadvertent contact? Im not too sure, that would be for getting someones attention, or accidently brushing past someone.

Re big bloke, he is possibly the victim of an assault, can he say he took reasonable steps to defend himself - I would say this sounds more plausible - possibly not true, but he has more of a defence to Common Assault than the OP - has he used excessive force? again I don't know, but in the absence of any injury would it be reasonable to hit someones arm away to defend against an attack or a further attack, if you thought it was coming your way? I would suggest it would be

Is he a prick? In the circumstances described, yes he is, if it was me I would learn a lesson from this though

OP obviously only posted because she thought she would get unanimous condemnation of the big mean man...

An injury on his arm, that was hurt by an errant leaf of paper?

So far we've had a mumsnet fabricated back story of poor office guy being bullied by OP's cliche, we've had him somehow triggered by a joking gesture with a newspaper (because obviously this poor man must be suffering from some kind of ptsd) and now we have the possibility that his arm was injured and the breeze from the newspaper caused him so much pain, he felt he had to lash out with force.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking of crowdfunding a holiday for this poor guy, after everything he's been through.

Livia; saying that a male partner should not hit a woman back if they attack him unless he is genuinely frightened for his safety is not the same as giving women a free pass to hit men.
Of course no one should be hitting anyone but being hit does not give someone the right to retaliate especially if they are larger and more likely to be intimidating or cause injury.
If someone smaller than you slaps you there is no way you should hit them back even in an equivalent manner!!! Add gender to the mix in that a man who is larger than you may also be very intimidating because of traditional power dynamics and statistics about domestic violence. If you are taking the statistic of 1 in 3 women being assaulted at some point in their lives as fact surely you can see why women may be more frightened of men than men are of women and so any type of violence towards women from men may have more psychological impact even if it was not intended to.
For example i was discussing this with my husband and he recalled a time an ex had slapped him. He said it made him sad and angry but that it didnt hurt him or make him afraid. I asked him why he did not slap her back and he said that that would have been very different because it would have frightened her a lot and probably hurt her alot more because she was half his size.
Even if its exactly the same response it doesnt make it proportionate.

So how does it work with a small man and a stronger woman then?