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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
AskBasil · 02/02/2017 22:02

Where has anyone argued that she shouldn't know her actions could be seen in a bad light?

Also, why do you imagine she's not already aware of that?

She's a woman, she's been hit by a man. Of course she knows her actions will be picked apart to see if there's any way he can be let off the hook, that's how it is. She posted on here because she is doubting whether there's any point at all in reporting it. TBH I don't know if there is, it all depends on how intelligent the people in her HR dept are. But they may be intelligent and so it's important that people here bolster her confidence and arguments so that if she does decide to report, she feels on firm ground.

I would never tell any victim of male violence, that they have to report it in any context. I'm only too well aware of how damaging it can be to female victims of male violence when they do. They need to be given the arguments and the confidence to decide what's right for them. Sometimes, it's not even the go ahead to report, it's just the knowledge that other people believe them and understand why they feel the way they do, that women need to read on a forum like this.

Which is why it is so grim to read women making things up about the OP, that are based on pure misogyny. Sad

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/02/2017 22:17

AskBasil
Where has anyone argued that she shouldn't know her actions could be seen in a bad light?

Lots have posters have argued that she has done no wrong, minimised her part, changed the narrative to suit their view., and inferred that what she has done would be ignored due to the actions of the man.

Also, why do you imagine she's not already aware of that?

I have no idea whether the OP was originally aware of that at all, but it shouldn't be ignored.

HelenDenver · 02/02/2017 22:23

"I have spent years of my fucking life, bantering with men (and women) I don't particularly like. Light banter is absolutely normal office currency and you use it with everyone, whether you like them or not. If you don't, it's actually construed as rude, hostile or stand-offish. Particularly from women. "

Amen to that, sister.

HelenDenver · 02/02/2017 22:24

"I have no idea whether the OP was originally aware of that at all, but it shouldn't be ignored."

It
Hasn't
Been
Ignored

Particularly by Basil, who you are currently addressing, who has consistently said OP's initial action wasn't a good one.

BoneyBackJefferson · 02/02/2017 22:28

I
Know
Who
I
am
addressing
thanks :)

HelenDenver · 02/02/2017 22:31

That's excellent. Well done! Maybe next you'll read the actual posts.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 02/02/2017 23:19

Funny to see someone post a complete Misandrist post like this

She's a woman, she's been hit by a man. Of course she knows her actions will be picked apart to see if there's any way he can be let off the hook, that's how it is.

With no evidential basis whatsoever, and then to complain about things being made up as well as making claims of mysogyny.

AllTheGlitters · 02/02/2017 23:47

No evidential basis apart from the fact that OP's (a woman's) post is about her being hit by a man? Confused

Singasongofsadness · 03/02/2017 00:52

Yanbu

Klaphat · 03/02/2017 01:11

Funny to see someone post a complete Misandrist post like this

Please specify where the misandry was in that post. I NEED to know.

SansComic · 03/02/2017 06:18

ASkBasil

What difference do the sex of the OP and the man make? You keep talking about male violence and women victims.

Would your opinion be exactly the same if both were men or both were women?

SansComic · 03/02/2017 06:18

ASkBasil

What difference do the sex of the OP and the man make? You keep talking about male violence and women victims.

Would your opinion be exactly the same if both were men or both were women?

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/02/2017 06:51

HelenDenver

Why so condescending?

MissMrsMsXX · 03/02/2017 07:20

The sex of the person is relevant because it usually describes a size difference. Men are more violent.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 03/02/2017 08:50

What difference do the sex of the OP and the man make? You keep talking about male violence and women victims

Because men are usually far stronger physically and have the potential to do far more damage than one woman striking another.

AllTheGlitters · 03/02/2017 08:52

SansComic do you really not think it makes a difference?

You don't need to be a bra-weilding "Feminazi" (Hmm) to acknowledge that there is a difference between a man hitting someone and a woman hitting someone.

In any case, the OP did not strike this man, it's very clear from her OP on that.

And I think AskBasil is talking about male violence against women because that is what the post is about. Why do we have to invent a plethora of hypothetical situations to trivialise what has happened to the OP. She was hit to such an extent that she wanted to cry.

Why are people telling her she deserved that? No her behaviour wasn't acceptable either, but that does not amount to her "deserving" to be hit. If you had a blazing row with your DH and were yelling at him senselessly for an hour and then he hit you because of it, does that mean you deserved to be hit? So why is it different for the OP? Because she works with him? And therefore the usual social norms don't apply because they're in a professional environment where everyone must be treated exactly the same no matter what?

How very silly it is to think like that.

Patienceisvirtuous · 03/02/2017 08:57

Not rtft but wanted to add that years ago a colleague 'tapped' whacked me over the head with rolled up papers and funnily enough, despite her claiming it was 'banter' it left me feeling exactly as you describe - violated, teary.

She'd have fully deserved it if I walloped her one back. So yabu.

AllTheGlitters · 03/02/2017 09:20

Patience Ofc she is BU because it must be exactly the same as your situation in every way..... Hmm

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 03/02/2017 09:22

klaphat

The Misandry is evident from the discussion of this being ignored or picked apart simply because it is alleged male on female violence. The fact that the op is boiling this down to being the fault of the male and that males will boil it down and carry out actions in favour of the male party is misandrist.

BorrowedHeart · 03/02/2017 09:49

men are more violent 😂😂 I can't believe people are commenting this crap, aye right men are more violent, men also are the most likely to commit suicde, no one wants to see the softer side of a man do they.

BorrowedHeart · 03/02/2017 09:52

alltheglitters no that wouldn't be right because hitting is nowhere near shouting on the violence scale, now if a woman hit her male partner or vice versa, then he/she has every right to hit back.

wettundinee · 03/02/2017 10:03

@AllTheGlitters

And I think AskBasil is talking about male violence against women because that is what the post is about.

No, I think it's about an incident in the workplace. I don' think the sex is relevant here as this wasn't a close-firsted thump with the weight of a grown man behind it. A woman could have done the same.

I think it's become against men and women and misogyny and some discussing how violent men are and women should be rallying around any woman in any situation.

What it should be about is behaviour in the workplace. The OP's which was bad and the man's which was worse.

So, would your opinion as to what the OP should do be the same if both the OP and the man were both of the same (either) sex?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 03/02/2017 10:15

Men are more likely to commit suicide no one wants to see the softer side of men

Men and women can suffer from mental health issues more men die from their suicide attempts but what has that to do with the overwhelming stats that show men are the more violent of the sexes

Utterly bizarre and stupid comment to make

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 03/02/2017 10:24

As bizarre and stupid as making a comment like?

She's a woman, she's been hit by a man. Of course she knows her actions will be picked apart to see if there's any way he can be let off the hook, that's how it is.

gandalf456 · 03/02/2017 10:29

Surely an hr dept would be neutral? I can't see why they'd pick anyone apart. They would just want all the facts before the formed their own judgement. The only time she would be picked apart is if she went to court and it would be by someone working for him

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