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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Athome77 · 01/02/2017 19:53

Ok stories, making up what he may of been thinking etc aside. There are plenty of made up seceneios of him on here and ones calling him an abuser.

Bottom line is:

No one, male or female, should have to work in an environment where someone feels it's ok to 'pretend to hit' anyone else. If you think it's ok to do this then you deserve whatever comes back. You do not know what this persons past experiences are or how they will react.

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:01

"So basil do all women have to support eachother even if they are in the wrong?"

No of course not. But being hit by a bloke, is not being in the wrong, irrespective of what you did beforehand.

I don't support what she did, I think it was unprofessional. But what he did, went way beyond unprofessional, it was really seriously nasty and I don't understand why anyone would try and pretend it wasn't. It is verging on the criminal and while you can make a technical case for her behaviour being assault, I do not believe for one moment that any police force would be interested in investigating it and if by some remote chance they were, I don't believe the CPS would be interested in prosecuting it.

He committed a minor assault. Very minor. Probably slap on wrist territory as far as the police are concerned. But totally unacceptable in the workplace and a much worse infringement than the OP. The OP was wondering whether she was BU to think of reporting it; women are surrounded by men and women, telling us that we overreact when men are abusive, either verbally or physically, towards us.

It really saddens me that Mumsnet has become just another place where women can be told that they've got no right to object to men behaving abusively towards them, because their own behaviour is not perfect. Her behaviour was unprofessional and a bit passive aggressive IMO; but it wasn't nasty, it wasn't abusive and it wasn't deliberately designed to inflict physical pain. I think on balance, his probably was.

HelenDenver · 01/02/2017 20:02

"don't support what she did, I think it was unprofessional. But what he did, went way beyond unprofessional, it was really seriously nasty and I don't understand why anyone would try and pretend it wasn't. It is verging on the criminal and while you can make a technical case for her behaviour being assault, I do not believe for one moment that any police force would be interested in investigating it and if by some remote chance they were, I don't believe the CPS would be interested in prosecuting it."

Yup

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:02

"No one, male or female, should have to work in an environment where someone feels it's ok to 'pretend to hit' anyone else. If you think it's ok to do this then you deserve whatever comes back. "

Please, those of you who are saying that no-one is saying his behaviour was OK and/ or that no one is saying she deserved it, please stop ignoring posts like this. This is quite clearly saying that the OP deserved to be hit, because she behaved unprofessionally.

This is aplogism for male violence.

scallopsrgreat · 01/02/2017 20:03

Nobody should have to work in an environment where someone is sarcastic as their first form of communication on a regular basis. So much so that people have to 'tolerate' it or try and use humour to diffuse the situation (albeit badly in this case).

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:03

For clarification because it seems some have inferred some additional meaning from "fellow women" Hmm I mean it in its literal, most basic sense - "other women". Chucking insults at other women, other people... what a proud moment. It's got nothing to do with "sticking together" bollocks if that's the road you're going down.

I think most of the posters have been quite moderate - recognising the wrong on both sides.

I completely disagree with anyone who says she deserved it or that the two things are as bad as each other (regardless of both things being the same "offence" in law, which in itself is daft).

I also disagree with anyone who's choosing to ignore the OP's actions just because she ended up getting hurt.

If you want to debate with and educate the people saying she deserved it then crack on - but lay off calling people male violence apologists just because they acknowledge that a woman did something wrong too!

scallopsrgreat · 01/02/2017 20:05

Agreed Basil.

HelenDenver · 01/02/2017 20:06

"Chucking insults at other women, other people... what a proud moment."

If a woman says something racist, some other women will call her a racist.

Assume you'd be ok with that?

If a woman says something that serves the patriarchy, some other women will call her a hand maid (the term to which you objected)

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:07

Basil I do find myself agreeing with your recent posts. The infuriating thing is when some (other) posters call various women on the thread male violence apologists just because they acknowledge that the OP did something wrong too.

Athome77 · 01/02/2017 20:10

AskBasil no it's not, if any one pretended to hit me, there is no way I would put up with it from anyone. I'm not making excuses for him. Why does the OP think it's ok to pretend to hit someone? Think your too busy trying to make out all males are wife beaters.

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:10

Wondermoomin, I am not calling women male violence apologists just because they are acknowledging that she did something wrong too.

I myself have acknowledged that IMO she did something wrong too. I'd be calling myself a male violence apologist, wouldn't I? Think about it.

I am calling the women who are giving out the message loud and clear that she deserved to be physically hurt by a man because she did something wrong too, male violence apologists.

I do wish you would read my posts properly, then you could argue with what I'm saying rather than what you want me to be saying.

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:12

Again, Athome, read my posts properly

I am not saying what you are saying that I am saying.

Grin
AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:13

Wondermoomin, sorry, x posted.

But I don't think people are saying that posters here are male violence apologists just for pointing out that she did something wrong.

They are saying it for the same reason I am, I think (don't want to speak for anyone else)

HelenDenver · 01/02/2017 20:13

he chose to hit her back hard.

Not to use words, or move away, or report her himself.

But to hit her hard.

Yes, they may well both been in trouble, rightly, if op reports, but that is not an excuse for his decision to hit her hard.

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:14

Athome, could you go through my posts and tell me where I said or implied that all males are wife-beaters?

You've just made that up, haven't you?

Why? What's to be gained from it? Apart from adding to the general gaity of the thread?

user1478860582 · 01/02/2017 20:15

Wow. Some of you are overinvested in a thread where you've had half a story with more holes in it than old man Steptoes underpants!

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:16

Helen without wanting to derail too much - yes people should call out racism (and other discrimination). Flinging around "handmaiden" etc is not really achieving the aim of opening people's eyes to supporting the patriarchy, it's a little-used archaic word that might feel like a handy derogatory term to throw out there but it doesn't fit most of the people on this thread and doesn't really help with any FWR education. Might even alienate some people who might have listened and thought through what was being said. Could be a bit of a "chucking the baby out with the bath water" thing where people choose to disregard everything someone says just because they feel outraged or insulted by one thing they've said. A handmaiden I ain't.

BorrowedHeart · 01/02/2017 20:17

But basil I would say exactly the same if it was a woman who reacted with a harder slap, how can that term apply then?

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:19

Then you'd be an apologist for all violent reactions and that would be a very sorry state indeed Sad

AskBasil · 01/02/2017 20:22

BH I think you'd be quite unusual to say the same if it were two women.

I think a lot of this crap here, is women bending over backwards to pretend to believe in "equality". Equality being men and women being exactly the same and pretending we aren't different.

I think a lot of women would instantly see what fucking terrible behaviour taht woudl be by a woman and would think she was berserk.

EvieSparkles0x · 01/02/2017 20:27

AskBasil

I completely agree with your posts, I don't understand why people cannot read in anything but black and white.

You're obviously not calling everyone who said the OP was in the wrong apologists, but it is shocking to see anyone say that someone deserved a full on punch from a man (which, sorry, is different from a woman) because of what she did. Even if what she did was wrong. I don't understand why the grey area cannot be seen.

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:31

Evie if we're going to get picky about who said what... the OP never said it was a punch. That was an embellishment by others. It was an open handed hit. She still didn't deserve that.

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 20:33

Has the OP been back to say how it was today? I don't think I've seen anything. Would be interested to know how she proceeded.

GimmeeMoore · 01/02/2017 20:56

If op wants to progress with claiming an injury as result of this,she needs to see a doctor
The arm can be examined and any potential injuries documented
Soft tissue injury bruise,sprain, muscle contusions,ligament damage
Hard tissue injury eg fracture. arm will need to be assessed

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/02/2017 20:59

EvieSparkles0x

the grey area is difficult to see because people make stuff up and stories change.

This thread is full of changes that have been made by posters, the OP's part becoming less than she described and for the man more than she described.

The truth is (sad or not) that given what we have been told any HR department that sanctioned one party and not the other would be ripped to shreds by any half decent union.