Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 32 33

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:

Trollspoopglitter · 01/02/2017 15:36

I don't expect to be struck at work. The shock of someone swinging an object at me would be the same whether it was a light tap or something that left a mark. I would feel the same initial shock of a potential assault.

It's unfortunate he didn't walk away from you and report you directly to management, OP.

I also agree with those who question how "light banter" with someone you claim you don't like might feel to the receiving party over an extended period of time.

Twunk · 01/02/2017 15:36

Trying to somehow say it's ok for a MAN to hit a WOMAN because she had the temerity to flap a newspaper at him because she entered into some ill-advised banter. No it's not OK.

What if he's just a bit of a psychopath who enjoys hitting women? After all we've called the OP unprofessional, provocative, a bully - why can't we just make shit up without any evidence about the man who hit her? Many men hate women. He's probably a woman-hater who has been planning this for months!

misshelena · 01/02/2017 15:37

You expect OP in her complaint to call herself a bully??? Ridiculous.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/02/2017 15:37

Problem with that Twunk is that it kinda belittles the victims who really haven't done anything. Getting hit back harder than you expected in this scenario doesn't really make you a victim.

Twunk · 01/02/2017 15:38

Yes Chaz and we don't know anything about him either. He could be anything!

misshelena · 01/02/2017 15:39

This is not domestic case. If it were, he would and should be arrested.

This is about a lower level employee reacting (or overreacting?) to "banter" (or "taunting"?) by a group of higher level employees.

Twunk · 01/02/2017 15:42

I'm out. This has been quite an eye-opener, that's for sure.

Snotgobbler99 · 01/02/2017 15:45

My point is she doesn't say they bully him! She says they're nice to him.

She may or may not be telling the truth. Without further information you have no evidence either way.

Again, imagine the girl with the newspaper is one of a group of teenage girls. Would they say that the banter/newspaper was bullying?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/02/2017 15:45

Twunk
Exactly, and that was a point made by a PP about why men don't enter into this sort of banter with blokes they don't know.

Katy07 · 01/02/2017 15:46

I didn't say ouch at the time
You didn't say ouch at the time so your colleague doesn't know he hurt you and therefore had no opportunity to apologise or go 'oh shit, I didn't realise I'd hit you (with an open hand rather than a closed fist) so hard' yet you want to report him? Did the colleague you were talking to straight after notice your tears and ask what the problem was? They'd be called as a witness even if they didn't see the actual strike. But you haven't mentioned that. And if you didn't like him why engage with him over and above him telling you about the supplies, and why hit him with the paper?

HumphreyCobblers · 01/02/2017 15:48

To all those desperate to prove the OP in the wrong, why are you doing it?

Nowhere in the real world is flapping a newspaper at someone an excuse to hit them.

It just reads as 'women must be NICE ALL THE TIME'. Or men will be justified in hitting you.

I mean, heaven forbid a woman should enter into workplace banter. You deserve to be hit if you do.

Hopefullyoneday1 · 01/02/2017 15:50

If your HR department is a good one, once you've reported it you will both be suspended while they investigate your allegation. I'm with others in that you started it, a tap or whack, you still made physical contact with him first. As for the bullying, yes your comments could be construed as bullying. It only takes for an outsider to over hear, take offence and they could also report you for bullying.

Twunk · 01/02/2017 15:51

I don't have a daughter. If my son hit a someone for brushing them with a newspaper? I'd give him hell. If it was a girl he would be in very serious trouble. Ffs. And we are not talking about school, we are talking about an office.

Definitely out now. This thread is getting too depressing for me.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/02/2017 15:53

It just reads as 'women must be NICE ALL THE TIME'. Or men will be justified in hitting you.

It reads to me like "Women do what the fuck you like, whenever you like! If anyone reacts to that they're an abusive misogynist and anyone who doesn't back you up 100% is a victim blaming misogynist!!!"

Katy07 · 01/02/2017 15:55

Nowhere in the real world is flapping a newspaper at someone an excuse to hit them.
Agreed, but as far as we know she swatted him with her paper and he swatted her back with his hand as he didn't have a newspaper. He doesn't know he overdid it (and it does happen with both sexes) because she didn't say anything. If she hadn't carried on 'the banter' with the newspaper he wouldn't have carried it on either. And he probably thinks it was just banter because he's not a mind reader.

Quartz2208 · 01/02/2017 15:57

I dont think its the case that he was justified in hitting her. Just that the fact that he is a man and she is a woman in this is irrelevant.

Everybody has the right to not be hit, bullied, belittled or be force to endure banter that they find uncomfortable - gender should not come into it.

If she were to report it people are as far as I can see giving her advice as to how she may come across and what points he would make

Katy07 · 01/02/2017 15:58

To all those on here insisting that he hit her, have you never mock-punched a friend or colleague? Or given them a friendly slap? Because that's what it sounds to me that he was trying to do, only he was a bit heavy-handed about it. It sounds like she doesn't like the guy anyway and is happy to stir it for him.

Snotgobbler99 · 01/02/2017 15:59

It's not ok for anyone to hit anyone else. It's inadvisable to banter with anyone you don't know/don't like. Remove the gender from the situation and you have two idiots escalating the confrontation and neither withdrawing until it's too late.

In any physical confrontation there's always two losers. Two idiots, both culpable.

Bambambini · 01/02/2017 16:05

I got picked up by two big guys at work who tried to put me in a large waste bin. Twas all banter of course till i panicked and kicked one of them hard in the face.

Wonder what HR would have made of it.

Snotgobbler99 · 01/02/2017 16:19

*I got picked up by two big guys at work who tried to put me in a large waste bin. Twas all banter of course till i panicked and kicked one of them hard in the face.

Wonder what HR would have made of it.*

If it was me, a video!

Rightontheschnozz · 01/02/2017 16:22

Well, I think you were both I'm the front

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 01/02/2017 16:26

Well, I think you were both I'm the front

"I'm the front" = inappropriate?

Rightontheschnozz · 01/02/2017 16:28

Ignore that post. What I was trying to say is that I both think you were in the wrong to initiate physical contact initially however he shouldn't of over reacted to it and hit you either. What are you hoping to achieve from reporting it? If it's made you feel that bad then you should probably report it. Did anyone see it happen?

Snotgobbler99 · 01/02/2017 16:32

I got picked up by two big guys at work who tried to put me in a large waste bin. Twas all banter of course till i panicked and kicked one of them hard in the face.

Joking aside Bambambini, what did happen? It's not unlike what happened to OP (the two big blokes being in the role of the OP). Did they apologise and accept that you didn't intend to hurt them? Did you apologise for lashing out when you didn't mean them? It doesn't sound like you reported it...

HelenDenver · 01/02/2017 16:32

Please report.

Flip

1 2 ··· 22 23 24 ··· 32 33

Swipe left for the next trending thread