Page 19 | To report my colleague for hitting me

QueenyLaverne · 2017-01-31T21:43:37+00:00

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter. He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated. Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported? AIBU?

BarbarianMum · 01/02/2017 10:37

Italian she "tapped" him with it. A "tap" can be anything from a gentle rap to a hard smack, depending on where you are in the UK. Where I live it is used in place of smack (I gave him a tap for running into the road = I smacked him).

Bettersleepoutdoors · 01/02/2017 10:43

But its not playful banter if you dont like someone.
And of course there is no requirement to like someone, but we know that nobody likes him (which can be very isolating and uncomfortable even for an adult)
Before anyone accuses me of justifying violence against women I have already stated that hitting someone hard enough to hurt in response to a playful tap is totally unacceptable.
But here, as others have pointed out, the language used by the OP in describing the incident is emotionally loaded from the perspective of someone who considers themselves a victim and actively dislikes their "assailant"
It is one thing to (rightly) subscribe to believing women who disclose abuse or assault. It is quite another to pass judgement on a situation without any question of actual events.
And yes, if someone hits you with an open hand hard enough to hurt for any significant length of time there would have very likely been a mark.

Meridien · 01/02/2017 10:43

@RJnomore1

You may think tapping someone with a newspaper is not hitting but the law disagrees with you. Just hope you don't do it to someone who knows it.

Bettersleepoutdoors · 01/02/2017 10:45

Context is everything really.
Anyway. Off to do some work.

scallopsrgreat · 01/02/2017 10:49

She was a victim Better. Interesting you think she shouldn't have that perspective.

And you are right context is everything.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:50

Tapping someone is not HITTING someone. Tapping has connotations of light and playful whereas hitting suggests a degree of force.

The end.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:51

Some of you need to expand your vocabulary, frankly. Check the definitions of words while you're at it.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 01/02/2017 10:54

CaraAspen, I think you need to check the meaning of words, I have made an explanation of an assault earlier in the thread, there does not have to be ANY touching for the legal definition of an assault.

Even silent phonecalls can constitute an assault - take a look at the legal case of R v Ireland

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 01/02/2017 10:54

The end

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:55

Assault has connotations of malice. Tapping does not.
Dear me...

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:56

We are discussing the difference between tapping and hitting. Jeez

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:57

What do you think this is? A court of law?
Lol

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 10:59

I could go on but don't want to get dragged into the parallel universe of your imagination.
Bye...

2rebecca · 01/02/2017 10:59

I think most people are saying he shouldn't have hit her back and particularly hit her hard.
However if the OP reports him for assault everything will be examined and unless the people with her thought she was hit hard or she has a mark it will be his word against hers. he will say he only hit her playfully back "in banter" and that she hit him first with a newspaper and that hurt him ( he will exaggerate if he thinks his job is at risk) and she patronised him after he'd done her a favour notifying her about the delivery.
I think "banter" along with "winding him/her up" are often euphemisms for PA bullying at work and best saved for your mates down the pub, not that I'm a fan of either behaviour even then.

RJnomore1 · 01/02/2017 11:00

@Meridien I say it is hitting!

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 01/02/2017 11:02

Okay, lets break it down - again

if the guy mentioned apprehended unlawful violence (ie the tap with the newspaper) it does not matter what the intention of the OP is/was, it was assault.

Was the tap everyday inadvertent touching - No, it was a shooing away, is there a defence to it in law, not that I can see, although I welcome any correction.

Had the OP said to the big guy, I'm going to hit you with the paper, would that have been an assault, under Common Law, Yes it would .

In law, no matter which way you look at it the OP has assaulted this guy.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 11:02

"2rebecca

I think most people are saying he shouldn't have hit her back and particularly hit her hard.
However if the OP reports him for assault everything will be examined and unless the people with her thought she was hit hard or she has a mark it will be his word against hers. he will say he only hit her playfully back "in banter" and that she hit him first with a newspaper and that hurt him ( he will exaggerate if he thinks his job is at risk) and she patronised him after he'd done her a favour notifying her about the delivery.
I think "banter" along with "winding him/her up" are often euphemisms for PA bullying at work and best saved for your mates down the pub, not that I'm a fan of either behaviour even then."

Yes, I get that. However, the ordinary connotations of the words being bandied about are very different.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 11:04

Judge Judy time...!!

RJnomore1 · 01/02/2017 11:07

@ItalianGreyhound

I beg to differ. Dictionary definition of tap is to hit albeit gently but to hit.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 11:11

The dictionary definition of a word is its
denotation. Connotations are the possible associations of a word. I think some of you should look up the denotation of connotation...

Olympiathequeen · 01/02/2017 11:13

I would discuss this with your boss, but you did instigate physical contact however mild which was a mistake. In future accept the goods with no 'banter'. For some people this is just an open invitation.

2rebecca · 01/02/2017 11:14

"Tap" or "hit" are subjective terms that can be manipulated by the speaker unless there are objective witnesses. He may say she hit him with the paper and he tapped her on the arm. He may say her hitting him triggered previous physical abuse he'd had from his father and he maybe tapped her harder than he realised because he's a big bloke (which she mentions) but he didn't mean to hurt her and she didn't say it hurt at the time.

CaraAspen · 01/02/2017 11:16

"2rebecca

"Tap" or "hit" are subjective terms that can be manipulated by the speaker unless there are objective witnesses. He may say she hit him with the paper and he tapped her on the arm. He may say her hitting him triggered previous physical abuse he'd had from his father and he maybe tapped her harder than he realised because he's a big bloke (which she mentions) but he didn't mean to hurt her and she didn't say it hurt at the time."

Well, yes. Obviously.
Who is arguing with that?

2rebecca · 01/02/2017 11:30

CaraAspen

P00pchute · 01/02/2017 11:33

Moony, the op did not 'hit' she made a joking gesture with her opened newspaper during a pretend argument , which touched the mans arm. He responded with a forceful slap, which the OP still felt at the end of her shift!

How is it that no one can tell the difference with these two things, because there is a very marked difference. It's not even subtle.