To report my colleague for hitting me

[QueenyLaverne]

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

Well indeed P00p.

I do think that this is gendered Italian. I suspect if it had been a woman who had slapped her enough to hurt her the responses would have been much different.

Part of the problem I think is that we can all imagine a man reacting like this. That expectation is already there.

P00pchute bloody well said.

OP please report!

2rebecca "Having a break is meaningless if stuff can't be delivered to someone else in your absence. He shouldn't have had to come looking for you"

WHAT???? You hae no idea what the break policy is where the OP works, it may be different to the break policy where you work!

schnauzermama "I wouldn't look favourably on you for bringing it to my attention and having to waste resource of sorting this out when you instigated it."

He instigated it. So he is wasting resources by causing a fellow staff member to bring this to HRs attention.

scallopsrgreat "Part of the problem I think is that we can all imagine a man reacting like this. That expectation is already there."

Indeed and also we can all make excuses for it, minimise it and assume he is an equal victim! 18 pages of making excuses for a violent man! What a shame.

I think what both of you did would constitute gross misconduct.You would be an idiot to report.Do you think it would be easy to get another job with being sacked for violence on your reference?

@Italiangreyhound

I don't work in HR. I'm the boss of our organisation. We have a largish personnel dept. but very small HR. We have legal teams on retainers should we be unsure about a process but on the whole, I sack and discipline. 80% of my staff have post-grads so there's rarely any discipline necessary. Staff are on rolling 3 year contracts so underperformance usually means non-renewal although if we think it worth it, we would of course help them improve as part of on-going PD.

Regarding othe rpoints:

interrupted her on a break

He told her he'd brought her something up. In my work place we get breaks but often use the opportunity to pass on info. Breaks are frequently or sometimes dropped or shortened if necessary. I don't think this interruption is a problem.

was sarcastic in his tone

I've just said "I've brought you your supplies" out loud a few times and can't do it sarcastically. Maybe he's responding to the fact the OP and her cronies 'tolerate' him. He came to find her and let her know. This is a small way of making extra effort that I would encourage or expect from my staff.

swatted him with a newspaper

This is unacceptable. The point is not whether it hurt or not. Considering the strained relationship with them, she was an idiot for doing so. If I saw a member of staff doing this and knew there was some kind of flirting, I'd still give them a slightly raised eyebrow look.

There is no evidence she is a manager or a manager of him

Did I make that up? Maybe! Perhaps it was the way she said "who do you think you're talking to" or has it been mentioned up-thread? Saying "who do you think you're talking to?" suggests she is superior to him in the organisation or at least thinks she is. It certainly isn't a pleasant way to conduct yourself. If she isn't the manager then I'd be questioning her professionalism.

Ignoring the retaliation, which you would do when deciding if the OP had been professional, it's clear to me that no, she hadn't. She sounds fairly immature and needs to be reminded to grow up. If she is a manager then it would be more serious as it's such a lack of judgement I would be investigating to see if it was a one off or pointed to other aspects of her work and behaviour.

Of course he shouldn't have hit back and from the sound of it, hit her harder. He should be dealt with. How depends on how hard he hit her ie. leaving a mark and what type of mark. He should have walked away with legitimate grounds for a complaint. Not one of assault but unprofessionalism.

I agree with pp who have said that your "tap" was totally unacceptable in the workplace. Nothing justifies his hit back, but your "tap" would also be taken very seriously by the firms I have worked for. In relation to banter and "tapping" you need to choose your audience, and to have banter or "tapping" with someone who you do not get on with is not remotely wise. You can speak to your manager or HR department about what happened and how you feel, and they may agree with you, they may suggestion a mediation with the colleague, they may discipline you. Whatever happens, in future with this man you need to keep it straightforward and professional, polite and courteous, however much he annoys you and even if you think his behaviour to you does not match yours to him.

If that had happened to me, with someone I found difficult and rude, I would not have "tapped" him or joked - i would have said thanks and ignored the rude comment, and then either forgotten about it and moved on, or, if it really was an ongoing problem, would have thought about it or talked to a trusted colleague or a manager about how to handle it. If it had been someone I got on with, who I knew well, I might have said "bugger off and do some work yourself" because it would be a true banter situation and i would trust them not to report me...!!! World of difference.

I don't know about you, but I'm thinking of crowdfunding a holiday for this poor guy, after everything he's been through.

Quote of the month!

I feel that you are more right than him. The excess force wasn't justified, however whether you report it or not, depends on whether the potential disciplining for your part in it, is worth it to you.

Another one totally appalled by the victim blaming and male violence apologists on this thread, it's utterly depressing and no wonder we live in the culture that we do when women themselves blame other women for male violence. Disgusting. OP, report him, you did not 'assault' him as some of the more ludicrous posters have suggested, you touched him with your newspaper.

Angel, gross misconduct for touching someone with your newspaper? Are you on drugs??

VIOLENCE? Tapping someone with a newspaper is now violence? I feel as if I've fallen down the rabbit hole on this thread, it is truly insane!

Misogyny? Male violence? Gross misconduct? Female violence?

Or just two fucking immature idiots that need to grow up?

Can I say this again? Unwanted touching is an assault under the law applying in England and Wales. Better that anyone who doubts it should research it themselves so they understand it fully.

So lightly slapping your colleagues with newspaper is allowed in your workplace? How would you feel if your boss tried it as a form of reprimand? Or a male colleague you don't get on with?

whether you report it is probably more about your managers than what actually happened.

i've worked for managers that would not tolerate anyone lifting a hand to a woman no matter the circumstances. managers who would discipline you both and be might pissed off at the inconvenience of it all. managers who would shrug it off and say 'stay away from them in future' and managers who are just as liking to whack you one n all.

ultimately imo if u hit him with a paper and he didn't like it he should have said so and u should have apologised. he should not have hit u back.

other posters nailed it when they said he didn't like the woman pulling him up on his tone imo. whether he meant to hurt u, only he knows that.

My advice would be to talk to him and say. "Did you mean to hit me so hard yesterday? as it really hurt.."

My guess is you swotted him with the paper in a banter way so he kinda tried to rerun it with the knock to your arm but did it harder then he maybe meant to.

It's difficult to Judge as we weren't there and didn't see how hard you hit him with the newspaper.

I wouldn't report him for asuslt thoguh as I doubt he really intended to hurt you.

OP clearly disliked the guy even before the incident so being sarcastic towards him certainly wasn't clever or necessary, let alone 'tapping' him with a newspaper.
Grow up op, you started it.

indeed Meridian common assualt does not even have to hasve any unwanted touching if someone feels threatened by someone else raising there voice that that can be construed as common assault, my dh threw a drunken person out of our home who had ripped both mine and his shirts and was refusing to leave but because he grabbed hold of this person to remove them from his home he was charged with common assault and beating the beating being physically removing the person from his home.

He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him.

Frankly, you sound rather smug and bitchy. You are clearly NOT nice and tolerant and looking to use this as an opportunity to get rid of him.
I hope it backfires on you.

Some of these posts are ridiculous.

It is NOT victim blaming to say that unwanted "banter", unprofessional behaviour and hitting yes hitting! Dress it up as tapping wafting whatever but it is hitting - someone with a folded up newspaper would be misconduct and depending on the view taken gross misconduct if the newspaper incident was regarded as an assault.

Which is NOT minimising the fact the op was also then assaulted.

Its merely not ignoring the ops own misconduct. Which legally and morally is the correct way to approach it. Op asked if she should report it to HR, it's up to her if she wants to open the can of worms, I asked if anyone else witnessed it which I can't see a response to otherwise it's going to be two people alleging they were both spoken to badly by the other and hit by the other.

Wet "There is no evidence she is a manager or a manager of him

Did I make that up? Maybe!"

maybe I did make it up that she is not. Who knows!

BarbarianMum "So lightly slapping your colleagues with newspaper" NO ONE has said she lightly slapped him with a newspaper, please do not start adding words.

P1nkP0ppy "OP clearly disliked the guy even before the incident" what has that to do with anything, we are not required to like people. And women often use humour to deflect around men they feel uncomfortable around. Maybe it is not wise but it is very common.

So if he's a violent man...

Is OP not a violent woman?

Why would you hit someone?

Just to put perspective here, somewhere there is an article about how women use banter and jokes and mininusse things in convesation. I am not saying this is what the OP did. I am saying that when you come on and say about males and females and treating everyone the same, you do realise we live in a world where males and females do not generally treat each other the same. Men treat women a whole lot worse than women treat men or women treat other women.

If in doubt, please read this www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/news-and-views/opinion/women-are-expected-to-humor-harassment-this-is-why-we-cant-20161014-gs28pi.html

So although this is not relevant to the OP's specific situation it is relevant to the way males and females sometimes interact.

RJnomore1 if you are not going to use the accepted definitions of words what is the point. Tapping someone with a newspaper is not hitting.

moon "Why would you hit someone?" He hit her, she tapped him. If you don't know the difference how would you feel if a colleague tapped you (in banter* or hit you causing pain. Just think about it.

I think I am done now. OP please do tell us what happens with this.

I really hope all those who are explaining this man's unaccountable behavior don't get hit at work.