@italiangreyhound
"BellaMoon what you suggest is very sensible but I find your conclusions drawn on this and the other things you state most worrying. You can bascially excuse anything if you talk about it the right way. A man slapping a woman's arm, your female colleague slapping you."
in the interests of conversation and by no means an retort, id like to confirm that i didn't conclude anything in my initial comment just asked that the aggrieved OP look at the situation as objectively as possible as, she admits, there was a two way interaction.
I also do not disbelieve the OP, as you point out that you do believe her i wanted to make sure you knew i didn't oppose that.
what i make reference to, and i hope i was clear, but incase not, we are reading this incident as detailed by someone who is upset, emotional, who sees themself as the victim - all taken from the account of the incident in her own words. I also say to OP that these are her feelings and for that matter taken as read, not in question at all.
someone recounting a story with these factors will use language that adds perspective to facts hence why i attempted to recount the incident removing these emotive words/terms/aspects.
to look at the incident from a completely impartial view, i think you are then able to form a opinion (for what they are worth)!
i appreciate your bike recollection. and if i may, point out that you reflected on that incident, in particular your own actions and how they caused a reaction, and you amended your behaviour to avoid ever putting yourself in that situation ever again?! the same can be applied here, without actually bringing blame into it. just consider how you felt as the outcome of that incident, that was enough to make you want to avoid it. this is exactly the self reflection i would encourage in any situation where two parties may have caused distressed to one another.
yes apportioning blame is inevitable as we should all, as grown adults, be accountable. that, in this case, should be presented to an HR department to decide.
As you point out, OPs colleague said something sarcastic which, in some way, started the whole thing. my example regarding someone not reading social ques
due to having a diagnosis of being on the autistic spectrum was for both his own comments and how he perceived others. it is possible that he is saying something rather matter of fact in his opinion that someone else would perceive to be sarcastic. two way street here! his abrupt "time to get back to work" (or words to that effect) could be entirely his views rather than her perception of sarcasm/banter. i hope that makes sense. an example here is that i called work to inform i had a blow out on the motorway, the day after taking time off for an MOT, my colleague stated "ok so two car issues in two days, would you say that's a coincidence". to me it sounded sarcastic, but to him, he was merely stating fact.
What if my colleague had scalded me with hot coffee when she was instantly reacting to being frightened/her personal space perceived to be at risk... good point but i don't see how the level of blame increases due to severity of injury i'm afraid. her reaction was instant, animal like if you will, almost automatic and without a second thought. what is worth pointing out here is we were both sorry and apologetic. i did not mean to frighten her (no malice) and she did not mean to lash out (no malice). i'm sure she would have been more apologetic should my injuries have been more
severe. perhaps this is something OP should explore... are both colleagues willing
to discuss and make apologies. it very well could be be the case that her colleagues feels terrible for causing her upset to the degree clearly detailed but also feels that he would appreciate an acknowledgement if she upset him in some way?? of course, the contrary could be the case and he's a big, rude, bullying, cease the opportunity to strike a colleague, bastard!! i will
never know.
I am intrigued to hear of how this matter is resolved, which i truly hope it is