Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 32 33

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/02/2017 00:11

Italian
There are plenty of threads on her about how bad some HR departments are, I could quite believe he could spin them enough of a sob story to make himself look more reasonable than he actually was. Some HR departments would happily grab an excuse not to deal with a case where they have to exercise judgment.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2017 00:12

Badknee "We have "wafting" and "tapping" and "punching" and "walloping" - but actually we don't know." If you don't believe the OP's words what is the point of posting.

Maybe the OP is lying out right, maybe the OP is exaggerating, but mumsnet guidelines are not to troll hunt so taking the OP at their word the initial contact was a 'tap' the second was a wallop or slap, which is significantly harder and more violent than a tap.

Just because a hand or newspaper makes contact with a person doesn't make it a 'hit'. Might be very possible to hit with a newspaper but the OP did not say that.

roseshippy · 01/02/2017 00:12

"I think saying you don't give a shit about OP because she acted like a twat is quite nasty, considering she has come to this site for advice after an assault."

After first assaulting someone else, to be clear.

QueenyLaverne · 01/02/2017 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LiquoriceWheel · 01/02/2017 00:14

Trust your instincts. I don't mean to alarm you but a decent man aka a normal man would never have hurt you back. You say he's a 'sneaky bastard' and I'm sure he was looking for an excuse to hurt you without getting into trouble. It doesn't matter if you 'play tapped' him with a newspaper, he hurt you. If you feel unsafe around him you must stand up for yourself. You will have to mention the newspaper thing and he might get a warning. If your bosses make you feel like it's 'your fault and you were asking for it' that is so messed up. Besides, he's already manipulating you by messing with your head. If you report it at least it might help some poor soul in the future who he may try to bully. Take a deep breath. You'll be ok

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:14

Why are you determined to misread my words Chloe

I was called disingenuous and wilfully misunderstanding up thread by someone - oh yes it was you - but I didn't report - that was a personal attack too

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:15

I meant it was six of one and half a dozen of the other - you both did something stupid

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 01/02/2017 00:15

Provocation

Ffs who lashes out after being playfully tapped with a newspaper

Of course you should report him

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:15

Oh and telling someone to fuck off is quite close to a personal attack too - just saying...

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:15

Why are you twisting what I said?

I paraphrased. The OP is here to see what you say about her, the man who assaulted her is not.

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2017 00:17

ChazsBrilliantAttitude "There are plenty of threads on her about how bad some HR departments are, I could quite believe he could spin them enough of a sob story to make himself look more reasonable than he actually was. Some HR departments would happily grab an excuse not to deal with a case where they have to exercise judgment."

I would hope that if the OP is much smaller than the quite substantial guy mentioned in the op it would be very obvious who was at fault in the situation.

At the very least if I were the OP I would not want to interact further with this man. And I expect I would feel exactly the same were I man or a woman. The colleague is described as being sarky and so one would expect he would expect some degree of banter back. In future, if I were the OP I would only interact with him on a buisness like basis, no banter. But it is totally wrong he was violent to the OP. And I think that should go on record.

Maybe one day the HP will look and see how many tappins with newspapers the OP has done verses how many slaps the colleague has given. Give the HR department a chance to act fairly first.

In all lilkhood they will do nothing but at least the OP will feel they have reported it.

Just for the record my advice would be the same regardless of whether the OP was male or female.

Must go to bed now, good luck, QueenyLaverne.

chillx · 01/02/2017 00:17

Sounds likely you will have a bruise. Take pics. Maybe show him what he did to you. I'd report it. He crossed a line.

sycamore54321 · 01/02/2017 00:19

I don't think anyone is saying hiim hitting her is ok. This side of the argument is that they were BOTH wrong and that both should be treated as such by management /HR. They may be differing degrees of wrong, which is where the level of force etc comes into it, but the fact remains they are both behaving badly.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:19

Okay well now you are being disingenuous and wilfully misunderstanding - I assume you don't consider that a personal attack as you yourself said it to me? I have had you and the OP personally attack me when I haven't done the same so, ya know, whining about reporting me doesn't make you look terribly sensible

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:20

Livia

I'm really not. I thought you clarified the post that I referred to as disingenuous? I didn't revisit it as you said you meant other people's posts, not what OP had said.

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2017 00:20

HR ad not HP.

By the size thing I mean a larger substantial person may appear more threatening BUT ultimately it is in relation to what was reported, not just in relaxation to size in general.

I don't assume all bigger people are violent. I am not tiny myself! But the report of violence should be sufficient.

P00pchute · 01/02/2017 00:21

Badknee, posters are giving advice and opinions based on the description that the OP has given. We are taking the language used at face value. Tapped implies light touch .....later we learn that it was a gesture with an open paper that made light contact. The OP says that the man responded with a wallop to the arm, implying hard forceful contact. We are being asked to form an opinion on these facts alone, but somehow there have been backstories invented yet again about the man being possibly verbally humiliated. Because no one can quite believe that a person could have a huge over reaction and lash out with disproportionate force.

LiquoriceWheel · 01/02/2017 00:22

Whoops just saw that you wrote 'snarky' not 'sneaky'. It's still rubbish though.

DancingDragon · 01/02/2017 00:22

I'd go and talk it through with a manager op. Personally it seems like an over reaction on his part. Hope you are ok.

roseshippy · 01/02/2017 00:23

She literally said in the OP that she humiliated him

'I said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' '

BadKnee · 01/02/2017 00:23

It's not that I don't believe OP , it is the projecting of everyone else . That's the point I was making. (Not troll hunting. I am sure this happened but question the OP's perception that what she did was fine and just banter.)

The best responses so far have been the legal ones which have looked at the facts userformallyknownasuser1475360 is very good.

I can say I am glad I don't work in such a nasty environment.

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:23

MrsBlennerHassett

it sounds like you are free of that excuse for a man, I'm glad for you.

FeralBeryl · 01/02/2017 00:24

Oh OP that sounds like it really affected you
All I can liken it to was getting smacked in the face with a leather Casey ball in juniors semi on purpose by a mean boy and having to pretend it didn't hurt although I was dying to cry!
If he hit you with an open hand - did it not make a hell of a crack? Did anyone else hear it even if they didn't see it?
Yes, you were wrong to attempt any kind of 'banter' with someone you know to be a complete tit, but that does not, and never will excuse him hurting you.
If you don't want to formally complain (which you should) then you need to ask for a mediation session with him and your line manager present. He needs to know what he's done.
If he genuinely doesn't know his own strength bollocks they can send him on an awareness course if nothing else.
Do not fall in to the trap of suddenly becoming cool with him and risk being the one accused of bully behaviour.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 32 33