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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my colleague for hitting me

821 replies

QueenyLaverne · 31/01/2017 21:43

Colleague (quite substantial guy) who's job is to bring supplies up to our floor, brought some stuff up. He came to find me, I was on break, to tell me and did so in a very sarcastic way. Not unusual, he is a sarky bastard and we don't like him much, but hey ho we tolerate him and are nice to him. I jokingly pulled him up on it and said something like, 'oh, who do you think your talking to!' 'Laugh laugh' he said something else and I was holding a newspaper which I pretended to hit him with, it tapped him with as we were having banter.
He then comes at me and walloped me on my arm, it really hurt, my arm was still hurting at the end of my shift and I felt really quite tearful, not from the pain, (although it did really hurt) but more because I felt really violated.
Can you tell me if I'm being overly sensitive or if this is unacceptable behaviour and should be reported?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 23:59

This thread explains why female dominated juries are less likely to convict in sex assault cases.

P00pchute · 31/01/2017 23:59

Incidentally, I have been knocked off my feet and had my eardrum burst by an open handed slap from my Dad (for accidentally waking him up btw, before anyone starts speculating about what terrible thing I did) so let's not minimise the impact of an open handed slap from a large man, thanks.

Wondermoomin · 01/02/2017 00:00

Well to be fair it's both "sides" who have created a further back story. One of the PPs has said that the man was harbouring a wish to hit the OP Hmm

2017 is indeed the year of alternative facts.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:00

And if the woman is not acting in self defence, why is she hitting a 'big scary man' in the first place?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:01

I have experienced and witnessed violence

I have also been raped

So I also know a little bit about it - lest people think I'm coming from a protective little bubble

roseshippy · 01/02/2017 00:02

"If someone smaller than you slaps you there is no way you should hit them back even in an equivalent manner!!! "

What? Why not? So you just have to let them slap you as much as they want?

How about the smaller person DOESN'T slap you.

I don't think it's necessarily constructive to compare this to domestic violence as the dynamics are not the same at all. Just in the abstract, if a small man slaps a big man, then he can anticipate being hit back. I don't see that as problematic in itself absent complicating dynamics such as a domestic relationship.

MrsBlennerhassett · 01/02/2017 00:03

rosehippy of course the smaller person shouldnt be slapping you in the first place thats not the point i was making!!!!

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:04

I've reported your last post Livia.

I think you've come to this thread with your own baggage. It's not fair to the OP, who asked in her very first post if she was being oversensitive.

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2017 00:04

I can't understand how anyone could feel this large man would be scared of the OP tapping him with her newspaper!

OP please report it.

I cannot believe anyone can excuse this man's over reaction.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/02/2017 00:04

My thoughts are like a PP if he is a sarky bastard / difficult person as the OP says I suspect he will tell a tale of woe to HR which will paint himself as a victim who misjudged his response through humiliation or similar. Maybe the OP's HR is really good but I would expect some would grab the opportunity to say 6 of one, half a dozen of the other rather than looking into the proportionality of his response.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:05

Anyone who slaps/hits anyone in anger is a cunt and loses any moral high ground.

There now - doesn't that simplify things...

DJBaggySmalls · 01/02/2017 00:05

Chloe84 I get your point but in all fairness we have no proof anyone else who posts is actually female...

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2017 00:06

Well I hope the OP takes a photo of any bruise she is left with and he can take a photo of the little smudge of newspaper ink and HR can decide who they believe was at fault in this incident.

Can't believe HR would think 6 to one and half a dozen to the other!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:06

Plenty of baggage on here influencing people's responses - On what grounds have you reported my post?

BadKnee · 01/02/2017 00:06

Impossible to answer this. We know that an unpleasant exchange took place. We don't know how hard either blow was. We have "wafting" and "tapping" and "punching" and "walloping" - but actually we don't know.

All those talking about domestic violence and assuming the woman is a victim and the man a serial assaulter are projecting.

The facts are not really known but from what we have we know that no-one likes this guy, he was "sarky" , OP was rude to him, OP hit him with a newspaper, he hit back.

She says she tapped and he hit harder. Possibly. He might say she constantly verbally humiliated him then hit him with a newspaper and he "snapped" and tapped her back. We don't know.

She admits she hit first. It was pretty humiliating. I'd go mad if someone did that to me in a work situation. If she reports she would have to tell the truth about the way she treated him.

In future act totally professionally - and "banter" is only banter if both peopel are enjoying it. It sounds much more like bullying - nasty.

bumsexatthebingo · 01/02/2017 00:06

In what way did livias post break any talk guidelines?

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:07

Xpost, Livia, I meant your post of 23.58.

I'm sorry to hear that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:07

I was wondering... plenty of posters have experience of all kinds of stuff as evidenced by other posts. I didn't attack anyone

MrsBlennerhassett · 01/02/2017 00:08

Livia yes so have i and im finding this thread so upsetting because it reminds me of the mad things i thought and were said to me at the time. I even slapped him once and felt so incredibly guilty and this is a man who tried to kill me.
Now of course the OPs situation is not in that ballpark but the feelings are the same. The fear when a man hits you because you know that even without intending to they are strong enough to seriously injure you. The power and control someon exerts over you when they demonstrate that they are stronger than you.
The OPs post read to me like a man aggressively asserting his dominance after she reacted badly to what he was saying. I dont think it was a proportionate response and i understand why it would have shaken the OP.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:08

Why did you report that post? Someone pointed out the exaggeration and I pointed out that
Both sides were guilty of exaggerating.

Which guideline did I break?

bumsexatthebingo · 01/02/2017 00:09

I think if there was any bruising the op may have mentioned it by 11 pages in. The question has been asked many times.

Original poster
QueenyLaverne · 01/02/2017 00:09

OP obviously only posted because she thought she would get unanimous condemnation of the big mean man...

No I didn't....I'm not an arsehole. I posted for people's views.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 00:09

I think saying you don't give a shit about OP because she acted like a twat is quite nasty, considering she has come to this site for advice after an assault.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 · 01/02/2017 00:09

Italiangreyhound

I think that what I posted may not be clear, it is the fear of unlawful violence, ie making someone believe that they are going to be assaulted, the fact that he isn't scred is irrelevant, it is that he feels like he is going to be assaulted

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/02/2017 00:10

Nobody knows because they weren't there. We are all projecting our own feelings and experiences (inevitable when you don't know the people concerned).

Genuinely wondering how I broke talk guidelines by saying both sides were exaggerating and that the two people are as bad as each other Confused