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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a weird wedding?

126 replies

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 20:27

My partner proposed about 3 years ago, but despite some initial research / plans instead of getting married we ended up having our second ds and buying our first property. Anyway on a spur of a moment we booked a local registry office (without viewing it) and the plan is to get married, go to lunch with family and a few close friends and then invite around 80 friends out to a pub with a nice garden and put a thousand pounds behind the bar. I get the sense that a few people are a bit disappointed about the lack of day event and think we will regret not doing something bigger. My MIL really wants wider family at the ceremony / lunch but that then tips it over into being much more of a thing than we want. Frankly it's what we can afford and I want to approach it in the same way we might a big Birthday or something. Has anyone been to a wedding like this and does it sound weird? I guess the point is it's not really a wedding!

OP posts:
Choccywoccyhooha · 01/02/2017 02:24

We did almost exactly this.Although we got married on the Wednesday, with 9 immediate family members, followed by a meal and then hired the function room of a pub on the Sunday for our friends.

Previously1 · 01/02/2017 02:57

We did similar, invited about 14 guests, didn't tell anyone else. Registry Office followed by lunch at a restaurant, photos in the park. However there was no cake and no party, we went off for a sleep and then a weekend away.

cuntspud · 01/02/2017 06:33

It sounds lovely.
No one else gets to choose what you do, it's your weddingWineFlowers

SparkyBlue · 01/02/2017 06:46

That sounds lovely OP. I hope you have a wonderful day.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 01/02/2017 06:52

That sounds lovely! If DP and I do ever decide to get married that's how we'd do it. We've both done the "big white wedding" thing and clearly it didn't work out, so a nice, laid back wedding is right up my street. Also with £1000 behind the bar, you can get your MIL so pissed she'll forget what she's complaining about!

MaverickSnoopy · 01/02/2017 07:00

We did this, although with just 12 for lunch. We also didn't tell the restaurant what it was for, so no inflated costs. It was fantastic and everyone commented on what a great time they had.

user1485931854 · 01/02/2017 07:01

Up to you what you do

LellyMcKelly · 01/02/2017 07:05

I wish I'd had a wedding like that instead of the full castle and meringue dress job. I spent the day feeling stressed and running round making sure everyone was alright. Yours sounds perfect.

frenchfancy · 01/02/2017 07:16

Sounds great.

I would keep your plan of the pub on the Friday, like you say makes it more casual and keeps the weekend free for everyone.

Have fun.

altiara · 01/02/2017 08:23

I have been to a wedding a bit like this but I think most people came to the registry office and then it was a buffet at a pub.
This was actually the wedding I wanted to copy until I went mental with the guest list thinking my DF would want me to invite his family to my wedding (he'd passed away).

Of course it's a wedding and not weird. You will find people who expect you to have a big do because they did or people disappointed they're not at the registry office. But this is your day. Congratulations! Flowers

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 01/02/2017 08:49

YANBU, it's your wedding, you can do whatever you like! MIL should butt out.

My MIL wants us to have a massive christening in her home country (despite her being resolutely atheist!) and invite the whole extended family. We politely declined, and will hold a small family-only do because it's us paying and we don't want a big fuss.

KinkyAfro · 01/02/2017 08:51

Sounds perfect and is exactly what we intend to do

vengabus · 01/02/2017 09:15

Sounds bloody perfect.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 01/02/2017 09:25

Sounds like fun. Well done, you! .... You could suggest to guests that if they really want to buy a hat anyway, go for it! Grin

CatAmongPigeons · 01/02/2017 10:31

Sounds lovely! If it's what you want, then why not? Far better than saving and spending tens of thousands of pounds on a fantasy which has little to do with the way people live their ordinary lives. Much better to go with integrity and authenticity than the vulgarity of expensive display that you can't afford.

It sounds lovely, and fun, and warm and just right.

EastDulwichWife · 01/02/2017 11:21

It sounds lovely! I'd be delighted to be invited and not have all the faff associated with some...! Ignore MIL, she's got her own interests at heart. Enjoy your wedding.

Original poster
Maisy84 · 01/02/2017 21:50

You guys are such a lovely bunch and have totally cured me of my wobble! We will not be swayed, I can see how quickly things can escalate if you start trying to please everyone and cater to expectations. Thank you!

OP posts:
JojoLapin · 01/02/2017 22:39

You are absolutely describing my wedding 20 yrs ago. Registry office, late lunch, pub overlooking the river with 70 people that we liked and mattered to us. We loved it -and so did our friends (my mother perhaps less so!). Have the wedding you want. I'm glad I did not get pressured into a more formal event I did not want.

Wickedstepmum67 · 01/02/2017 23:24

We did something very similar and had a lovely relaxed day: registey office followed by pub lunch, followed by a big garden party on the weekend for friends and family. OP, one bit of advice from experience - however you choose to get married, you are absolutely guaranteed to pee off a relative/friend because everyone will have their own concept of what the day ought to be. Your wedding, your rules - if you start trying to please everyone it will a) fail and b) drive you crackers. Good luck and have a wonderful day.

Araminta99 · 02/02/2017 01:41

Sounds great! Love it!

Chelazla · 02/02/2017 01:45

Exactly my wedding we got married and went to the pub. We did put a buffet on though. It was fab! X X X

EmeraldScorn · 02/02/2017 01:49

It sounds ideal, it would definitely be my sort of wedding. Congratulations and ignore your mother in law, it's your wedding, do it your way!

harleysmammy · 02/02/2017 02:01

My best friends mum married her husband on april fools day when we were kids, just them two and the witnesses. No one else in the world knew. They had a meal with literally me, my best friend, their parents, my dad and the witnesses. Instead of spending hundreds on a massive party, they paid for the meal and drinks. If you get married, then its a wedding. Also lots of people go abroad to get married either on their own or with just instant family, and then come home and have a little do. Everyone does it different, but a weddings a wedding x

StarkintheSouth · 02/02/2017 10:27

Sounds lovely to me and I know people who have done this for their wedding so do what pleases you!! Congratulations btw x

Hannahbanana1725 · 02/02/2017 10:33

Honesty it sounds perfect! I can imagine it being so stress free, not worrying about all the little things like seating and weather and blah blah blah.
It makes it just about you two, you're the ones getting married, you do whatever you want to cherish your day! Tell MIL to have her own wedding if she wants it her way.

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