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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a weird wedding?

126 replies

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 20:27

My partner proposed about 3 years ago, but despite some initial research / plans instead of getting married we ended up having our second ds and buying our first property. Anyway on a spur of a moment we booked a local registry office (without viewing it) and the plan is to get married, go to lunch with family and a few close friends and then invite around 80 friends out to a pub with a nice garden and put a thousand pounds behind the bar. I get the sense that a few people are a bit disappointed about the lack of day event and think we will regret not doing something bigger. My MIL really wants wider family at the ceremony / lunch but that then tips it over into being much more of a thing than we want. Frankly it's what we can afford and I want to approach it in the same way we might a big Birthday or something. Has anyone been to a wedding like this and does it sound weird? I guess the point is it's not really a wedding!

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 31/01/2017 20:35

Sounds brilliant OP. Your MIL has already had her chance, she needs to wind it in.

We did registry office with 10 friends, lunch for everyone at a local restaurant, then back to ours for tea and wedding cake. It suited us perfectly.

OutComeTheWolves · 31/01/2017 20:37

I'd bloody love to go to that wedding!

Servicesupportforall · 31/01/2017 20:37

Your wedding your day.

My ds and lovely soon to be dil are having a tiny wedding just parents and siblings. We are all going on honeymoon with them and then they having a party the week after for the rest of the family and friends.

Perfect. :) enjoy op

MortalEnemy · 31/01/2017 20:37

I think many people are bored to death of the lengthy church/ reg office /photos/hotel drinks/hanging about/dinner/speeches/cake-cutting/first dance/disco/late buffet thing (or much the same transferred to a tepee/stone circle/barn with a hog roast/fish and chips/cocktails in jam jars etc etc) and would be absolutely delighted to be cutting to the good stuff.

We just got married in jeans with two witnesses, and some people appeared to feel we'd 'cheated', and that as they'd spent £20k on Vera Wang, favours that matched the bridesmaids' corsages, and a Nice Hotel With All the Trimmings, we should too, because it wasnt fair. Grin

Bambambini · 31/01/2017 20:39

It sounds lovely - as long as you are happy with it. One of the best weddings i went to was a tiny do - registry and then hotel for pizza and champagne, jacuzzi and meal out. Just 5 of us including B & G. Was ace.

20minuten · 31/01/2017 20:40

Not weird at all! After many years together we had a lovely registry office wedding (for many reasons, bereavement, redundancy etc)with 17 close family. Afterwards went to our favourite restaurant then a huge party for about 60 people in our home. It was awesome. Next day went on honeymoon. Nobody thought it was weird, was super fun, relaxed and a great day/night.

Iamastonished · 31/01/2017 20:41

I think it sounds like you both want to get married rather than have a wedding, which IMO is the best attitude.

Have a lovely day.

GerdaLovesLili · 31/01/2017 20:41

Absolutely perfect.

fallenempires · 31/01/2017 20:41

MIL has already had her wedding day!Your plans sound lovely,there is too much emphasis on the day & spending silly money on a wedding which is largely done to appease others.Stick to your guns and do what suits you,DF & your family.

SugarLoveHeart · 31/01/2017 20:42

Agree, Mortal. All weddings are the same! We had absolutely no wedding stuff at ours, just lush food & a wicked band. Friends & family loved the novelty!

rollonthesummer · 31/01/2017 20:43

It's not up to mil to spend your money on a big do!

thecolonelbumminganugget · 31/01/2017 20:47

That sounds lovely. As long as you are both happy with it. Just as you shouldn't feel pressured to have a big wedding, don't feel pressured to have a small one either. Celebrate in a way that feels the most natural for you both. Congratulations!

2ducks2ducklings · 31/01/2017 20:48

Sounds bloody amazing to me!
We went to Gretna Green (with our 18 month old daughter, much to the annoyance of my mom Smile). It was just the three of us and two witnesses. My parents and siblings joined us the day after to spend a few days at a lovely hotel in Scotland. We ate the first tier of our wedding cake on the top of a mountain.
The week later, we had a pub party with about 80 friends/family. It was everything we wanted. The thought of the big wedding and being centre of attention stressed the life out of me. My mom made s couple of little dogs at the time, but since my brother had the big, white wedding a couple of years ago, she now tells me we definitely had the best idea!

2ducks2ducklings · 31/01/2017 20:49

Oops, my mom made a couple of digs, not dogs!!

TheProblemOfSusan · 31/01/2017 20:56

I think it sounds ace. The only thing I would tweak is adding some rules about what people can have from behind the bar, so ten people don't order a bottle of fizz each and nuke your budget and it's shared out more. We waited soft drinks, pints, wine and singles with mixers all fine but nothing from the premium shelf and no champagne. Though we did buy a whole load of prosecco for everyone for when they came in anyway.

Notagainmun · 31/01/2017 20:56

Tell your MIL to back off.I would love my DS and his GF to have a big traditional wedding with lots of family and friends, but it is not my wedding. I had all that when I married his Dad. What I really want is for them to be happy and have the wedding would like and I keep my opinions to myself.

RandomMess · 31/01/2017 20:56

Your day, your money have the wedding you want not the wedding MIL wants!

Congratulations!

LadyIrisBarclay · 31/01/2017 20:59

I agree with Iamastonished - it's the marriage that's important, not the wedding and yours sounds perfect OP x

Mouthfulofquiz · 31/01/2017 21:01

I think it sounds like a great wedding. It'll be great!

Italiangreyhound · 31/01/2017 21:01

Congratulations on your impending nuptials and enjoy YOUR day.

It is your day, have it how you want.

How much of the planning is down to you and how much is down to your dh-to-be.

What is important to you? I wanted a nice dress (I got one half price in a wedding shop that was closing down, my sister got hers from a shop just selling evening cocktail dresses etc, because when you put the word 'wedding' in front of anything it goes skyrocket it price!)

I never knew I needed special shoes until I saw them, or a tiara!

If your MIL wants to invite people, is she contributing? My parents and in laws basically paid for our wedding. But then it was quite traditional, which is what we wanted.

Please just focus on you and your dh-to-be and what you want.

The only thing we spent ages on that really was a bit of a waste was a photographer who produced a lovely album we rarely look at. The wedding video we did with the help of friends means more to me!

If you have £1,000 to spend to put behind the bar for people to drink, is that what you both want to do?

I really am not that much into drinking but I love my food so I'd rather provide food, like buffet, not expensive but nice, and cake!

Maybe like a private room at a pub and have it how I wanted and provide some drinks but basically the evening would be a paid for bar.

But that is not what you want so you choose your day. You want to be able to look back and say "I did it my way" or rather "We did it our way!"

BackforGood · 31/01/2017 21:01

For me, I like to be able to be at the ceremony, because, for me that is the most important thing of the day.
I totally understand your not wanting anything more formal and not wanting to spend a lot, but I just feel it's a bit weird to not get to see the actually wedding.

I realise I'm in a minority on MN, and that lots of people find the most important part of the occasion ceremony boring, but, Grin you did ask.

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/01/2017 21:02

When we marry it'll be a dozen guests at a registry, then pub for food and booze!

NataliaOsipova · 31/01/2017 21:04

I hate weddings.....but yours sounds bloody brilliant. Buy a few disposable cameras to hand around and you'll have some wedding photos as well! Have a lovely, lovely day - congratulations!

Ellieboolou27 · 31/01/2017 21:05

I find it more weird that people spend months, years even planning a wedding! My friend had something similar to what you plan and it was great, I had the big white wedding and it's so stressful, if I could do it again it'd be simple and not far from what you've mentioned.

kel1234 · 31/01/2017 21:06

It's up to you. You should do what you want to do, never mind anyone else.
We had a small wedding, close family and a few friends in the registry office (about 25), and even the reception wasn't many more people tbh (maybe 35) (the reception was where my dh worked, so the staff we knew well came and joined the reception after their shift, which was nice and made up a few more numbers).
It was perfect