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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this a weird wedding?

126 replies

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 20:27

My partner proposed about 3 years ago, but despite some initial research / plans instead of getting married we ended up having our second ds and buying our first property. Anyway on a spur of a moment we booked a local registry office (without viewing it) and the plan is to get married, go to lunch with family and a few close friends and then invite around 80 friends out to a pub with a nice garden and put a thousand pounds behind the bar. I get the sense that a few people are a bit disappointed about the lack of day event and think we will regret not doing something bigger. My MIL really wants wider family at the ceremony / lunch but that then tips it over into being much more of a thing than we want. Frankly it's what we can afford and I want to approach it in the same way we might a big Birthday or something. Has anyone been to a wedding like this and does it sound weird? I guess the point is it's not really a wedding!

OP posts:

mycatwantstokillme1 · 31/01/2017 21:07

This is just what my sister did 17 years ago. Local registry offive, not many of us, local pub with food & bar. It was great, one of the best weddings I've been to. Sod what everyone else thinks, enjoy it!

OllyBJolly · 31/01/2017 21:09

My sister did exactly that. One of the best weddings I've been to and I've been to LOTS!

Have a lovely day!

ladyratterley · 31/01/2017 21:11

This sounds perfect OP! I'd really like to do something similar myself.

MomOfTwins2 · 31/01/2017 21:12

I had a wedding kind of like that. In South Africa you have an ID book, where all your licences & stuff go in.

We had been engaged for over a year and couldn't afford a wedding. I got my driver's licence the morning, then we went into town to have my ID book changed to add my licence. We then figured that, instead of having to take it in again in a few months'/years' time when we get married (into my married name), just to do it all at once and get married that morning. So we went to Home Affairs dressed in jeans and t-shirts, asked if the Justice of the Peace would marry us, they called a clerk as a witness, and 10 minutes later we were married!

We bought two bubbles of bubbly and stopped off at both sets of parents' houses that evening to inform them of the news. They were shocked and surprised, but quite impressed that we hadn't wasted spent a fortune on a wedding.

In all, the wedding cost us the price of two wedding bands, two bubbles of bubbly and a night in the honeymoon suite of a local hotel. It was easy and totally stress free. I saw how stressed my sister was at her 'big white wedding', and I am sooooo glad I did it the way I did. We were together and didn't have to worry about anyone else.

I would recommend it to anyone lol - you have the right idea IMHO.

Ewock · 31/01/2017 21:13

We had quite a traditional wedding as that was what we wanted. You want a smaller wedding and you should as it is what you want. Both are weddings and you need to do it your way. If you change things to suit other people it has the danger of becoming their wedding and not yours and could leave you feeling very much like it isnt a wedding. Your ideas sound lovely and great fun stick to your guns. Your mil had her wedding now its your turn. My dm and I had a heated discussio over what food I wanted for the evening I stuck to my guns and was glad I did (now I can't believe we actually had an arguement over chips, but it does make us laugh) we don't regret our wedding because it was what we wanted and you will bot regret your wedding because it is what you want. The important part is the getting married. Congratulations x

Ohyesiam · 31/01/2017 21:15

Sounds great. MIL has had her wedding ( I imagine).

MomOfTwins2 · 31/01/2017 21:15

I have to add that we did have a small ceremony with just family in a little church years later before we moved to the UK, but it was still small and stress free. I even made my own dress.

ALemonyPea · 31/01/2017 21:18

Sounds like my kind of wedding. I do prefer the more relaxed ones rather than the pomp of a stately home one.

ninjapants · 31/01/2017 21:20

It sounds perfect! Nice, relaxed and exactly how you want it.
This is essentially what my parents did, they're still happily married 40 years on
I hope you have a lovely day!

seafoodeatit · 31/01/2017 21:24

It''s not weird it's perfect - then again I'm biased as it's what we did minus the after bit you mentioned and we were renting at the time - no kids but I was heavily pregnant. We had the ceremony at a pretty registry office and then had a meal at a nice pub with family and friends - it was pretty to me, they put red carpet for us and we had a large part of it to ourselves. A photographer friend did the photos (sadly I lost many of the photos as the macbook they were stored went completely kaput) as our wedding present and I didn't go crazy on flowers/dress.

My parents wanted a big do to invite our large family and said they would pay for it all but it's not what we wanted, it's my idea of a nightmare! I find it hard work being a guest at big weddings let alone having one myself, I know it's supposed to be all about you but I hate the attention and I don't like that it can come across like a big brag-a-thon.

MeadowHay · 31/01/2017 21:24

My auntie's wedding was about 20-30 close relatives in a small registry office room then we all went to a nice restaurant that she and her kids liked. It was lovely and chill and still beautiful and loads of people still welled up at the ceremony. If that's what you want then go for it, it will be lovely and they absolutely don't regret a bigger wedding or anything; they had been together ages and had two children the eldest of which was about 12ish at the time I think. I guess spending vast sums of money on their wedding wasn't a priority and it didn't need to be, we all had a lovely time.

sobeyondthehills · 31/01/2017 21:25

DP and I have both been married before. If we do get married, its just for the legal stuff. Local registry office smallest room can fit 12 people, and to be honest that is 10 people too many for what we want.

Then we were just going to have a hall, maybe I haven't got that far in the planning.

Personally, both of us can't be bothered, but I know my mum would be upset. Although, I am half thinking of not telling anyone, as it makes little difference, as I am keeping my last name.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 31/01/2017 21:25

Sounds perfect to me!

jinglestheelf · 31/01/2017 21:26

It sounds lovely, I had a registry office wedding followed by a BBQ in a marquee in my back garden! Yours sounds a lot more 'normal'

bevelino · 31/01/2017 21:28

Maisy I have been to similar weddings and they were all lovely and very special.

LiefieLiefie · 31/01/2017 21:30

Sounds lovely. Far more straightforward than our wedding where our legal ceremony and party bit are a year apart

Original poster

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 21:31

Thanks everyone! Feel much better, think I was just having a weird blip. I felt really happy with the plan before we started telling people, although all our friends just seem excited! We will order some platters / sharing plates to go around for food and great tip about making a list for the bar staff of drinks that includes in the tab! We do want to get married to be married but also invite everyone to celebrate in hat evening - it's also going to be a Friday evening so people will be coming after work! I wonder if that was wise? At the time I thought it would help keep it casual but now thinking we should do the evening bit the day after the ceremony on the Saturday... this all seemed so simple when we booked!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 21:33

Sorry far too many exclamation marks in my last post - getting over excited

OP posts:

Original poster

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 21:36

Oh and no PIL won't be contributing which is a relief as keeps it more clean cut. She's lovely so I'm pretty sure she'll get over it soon enough!

OP posts:

sugarplumfairy28 · 31/01/2017 21:38

After all is said and done it is your day, and if you don't do what you want, you will regret it. DH and I were in much the same position, we didn't want to pay out for a massive wedding and deliberately wanted something that was different. DH's step Mum wadded in offered to pay for a hall for us as a 'gift' but it had to be that and not something towards what we actually wanted. DH is a push over and we ended up in the hall. I had to cater for it, I had to decorate it and honestly it was awful! We have since had a funeral there, a birthday party, a kids party, nothing about it was remotely special.

On the flip side I can understand your MILs feelings. My DB got married and we went to lunch at a pub, none of my SILs family were there, and the pub was a dive. I felt like I didn't get to show off as the grooms sister, be proud, tell stories about my brother etc. I think I was extra emotional though as my attendance was not optional being one of 8 guests, and being guilt tripped into it and told I was trying to steal their thunder by making a statement in not attending as I had only given birth 4 weeks prior and was still recovering, also the wedding was planned 6 weeks in advance.

Ghfst · 31/01/2017 21:38

Sounds great to me.

We didn't have a big ceremony or reception, frankly I don't see the point. Whole thing cost less than a grand. Done and dusted, no worries.

MrsBlennerhassett · 31/01/2017 21:40

Its your wedding so do what you feel happy with because those memories are essentially for you!!
To me it sounds really fun id love to be invited to a wedding like that!
My own wedding was at a beautiful place for the ceremony however it was at 4pm so we just went straight to the pub after for drinks and a buffet. No sit down meal or formal dance or anything. Everyone seemed to love it!
I just spent the money on things i liked like flowers and champagne hahaha!! So we had big flowers arrangements and free booze!
about 11pm whoever was left out and my husband and i all headed for a local club that had a dj on.
I wore a full ballgown style wedding dress as well. Just do what you want!!

Kathmandu12 · 31/01/2017 21:44

We got married in a civil ceremony and just had lunch with family afterwards in a restaurant. It was what both of us wanted. :)

ragdoll700 · 31/01/2017 21:47

Sounds perfect I plan to elope with our two daughters and get married come back and have a big party in a pub prob know lots of the in laws in particular will be put out but you do what you can afford no point getting into debt for a BIG DAY ( oh imagine no I cant last thing I want so NO NO NO introvert much :) ) my mum wont care and thats all thats important to me if she did I might try to have some sort of small wedding but as it is we are together 10 years have two children and dont own our own home yet and thats much more important than a wedding.

hiimmumma · 31/01/2017 21:51

Exactly what we did.
Except with 15 friends and no family.
And I was 7 months pregnant so instead of the pub bit we hopped in the Eurostar to Paris straight after lunch.
(Everyone else stayed on to have a rather boozy evening I understand)

Your day sounds perfect to me. Can I come?

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