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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a weird wedding?

126 replies

Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 20:27

My partner proposed about 3 years ago, but despite some initial research / plans instead of getting married we ended up having our second ds and buying our first property. Anyway on a spur of a moment we booked a local registry office (without viewing it) and the plan is to get married, go to lunch with family and a few close friends and then invite around 80 friends out to a pub with a nice garden and put a thousand pounds behind the bar. I get the sense that a few people are a bit disappointed about the lack of day event and think we will regret not doing something bigger. My MIL really wants wider family at the ceremony / lunch but that then tips it over into being much more of a thing than we want. Frankly it's what we can afford and I want to approach it in the same way we might a big Birthday or something. Has anyone been to a wedding like this and does it sound weird? I guess the point is it's not really a wedding!

OP posts:
Original poster
Maisy84 · 31/01/2017 21:53

@hiimmumma I did try and persuade dp to jump on the Eurostar afterwards but he's firm about wanting the pub thing, I think we must have the same ideas about wedding!

OP posts:
georgethecat · 31/01/2017 21:54

It sounds lovely - go for it

choli · 31/01/2017 21:54

I've known many people who regret having a big white wedding, and in particular the money spent on it. I know no one who regrets a small low key wedding.

HelenaGWells · 31/01/2017 21:55

Haven't been to one like this but it sounds really good to me!

Same.

pimmsy · 31/01/2017 21:56

In my opinion, sounds like a fantastic wedding !

I second the idea to get a polaroid camera.

One of the best weddings I went to was registry office followed by a potluck picnic in a big park, the only things the bride and groom provided were copious amounts of champagne, soap bubbles, picnic blankets and a sort of fake "photobooth" made of cardboard boxes with random props (hat, wierd glasses etc) for us to take photos. Great memories of a boozy summer afternoon with friends!

Upanddownroundandround · 31/01/2017 22:01

Definitely not weird. It sounds brilliant. Enjoy your wedding day (and ignore your MIL).

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 31/01/2017 22:04

That's what I wanted to do - DH and I had been together for ten years and had four kids between us. I told my mum and she insisted on giving me money so we could do it 'properly'. It was a nice day but I wish I'd done it my way - basically tells our nearest and dearest to come up for the day, getting married and then having a nice meal!

Do your day.

MidniteScribbler · 31/01/2017 23:08

Sounds like an ideal wedding to me.

Orlandointhewilderness · 31/01/2017 23:14

sounds lovely! When we marry, we plan on a small church service with VERY close friends and immediate family (about 30 people max) then a cup of tea and a bit of cake at ours in the garden. I've had a big wedding and I never want that pressure again.

Servicesupportforall · 31/01/2017 23:18

So so pleased to hear all the positive sensible lovely weddings that don't cost a fortune, arnt all about the look of things and all about the love and commitment.

Enidblyton1 · 31/01/2017 23:25

It sounds great. Weddings used to be like this a few decades ago Smile

Sparrowlegs248 · 31/01/2017 23:32

We had a similar wedding. We had a ceremony in the town hall, which also houses the registry office. We did splash out and use part of the historic building rather than the RO. We had about 40 people, and went on to a local hotel and had a two course meal (had given a choice of mains, one of which was sausage and mash) We hired a room, the conservatory which was part of the pubs dining area.

We then invited others to join us for a drink after. It was great, very informal, everyone enjoyed it, many people commented how relaxed it had been. Also, married at 4 pm so not a long day!

Yambabe · 31/01/2017 23:43

We did similar. Registry office was just us, DH's dad (my parents are sadly deceased) and my DS and DH's 2DSs with their partners.

We did the deed then went for a Chinese afterwards - this was on a Monday afternoon.

The following Saturday we had a party (with DJ and buffet) for around 150 at a local social club. We loved it and our guests loved it too.

If it's what you want then go for it!

Orlandointhewilderness · 31/01/2017 23:44

exactly it services. It should be about the love and commitment and the actually marriage. Each to their own but I think a big wedding takes the emphasis off the marriage itself.

viques · 31/01/2017 23:59

If only all brides thought the same as you OP.......

OverTheGardenGate · 01/02/2017 00:09

We did exactly what you did describe. It was brilliant|
I didn't want anything bigger and so have never regretted it.

hotdrinkandaliedown · 01/02/2017 00:13

My wedding was pretty much exactly like yours. Quite a few people told me I'd regret not doing the whole white dress/stately home thing. I really, really haven't. Had a great day and wouldn't have changed a thing.

morningconstitutional2017 · 01/02/2017 00:28

It sounds perfectly good to me without going over the top. Whether you spend £1,000 or £50,000 you will at the end of the day be the same thing - married. Good luck and best wishes.

SignOnTheWindow · 01/02/2017 00:35

Our wedding was almost exactly the same as the one you are planning. It was a wonderful, wonderful day and was completely stress free to plan. Even better, we paid for it from our current account and didn't end up in loads of debt.

Go for it - it's not weird at all. You have all the ceremony you need in your commitment to each other and the company of your friends.

FennecFoxMummy · 01/02/2017 00:44

My mum owns a pub. We got married in a church but then it was just everyone back to the pub for a knees up and a buffet. It was so relaxed and informal. Far less expense too so we could afford fireworks on the roof. It was such a simple day but everyone said how fantastic it was I wouldn't have changed a thing! Your day do it your way!

dovesong · 01/02/2017 00:45

Oh god, this sounds like so much more fun than a more 'normal' wedding!

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 01/02/2017 00:50

We did something similar and, looking back, there's not a lot I'd change. It takes a lot of the stress out of the day, guests can relax and have fun because it has a party/celebration vibe. Most of all it'll be the wedding you both want - not someone else's idea of what it should be.

elliejjtiny · 01/02/2017 01:02

Sounds lovely and not weird at all. Your MIL needs to keep her mouth shut.

Frazzled74 · 01/02/2017 01:35

We had a big hen/stag party 1 week before wedding which was held in a pub, buffet but buy your own drinks. On the day a few close family to registry office and a meal at local Italian (12 people) then dh and I went on honeymoon for a week! Perfect! And everybody thought it was great! Very stress free. Do whatever makes you happy! It's your day.

glitterazi · 01/02/2017 01:42

Going to put aside the having kids before married bit as that's me and not what you asked - sounds like a great wedding to me! Definitely one that sounds good.Registry office, lunch with family and then a low key pub thing for the evening sounds great.
Ignore MIL or your parents or whoever - it's yours and dh's day, not theirs.