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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to miss DS's birthday...

44 replies

smyle · 31/01/2017 19:37

NC for this in case I'm recognised!
My sister is getting married. Hen weekend planned sounds fabulous and really fun, problem is it is a friday - sunday and DS's 4th birthday falls on the Saturday... I really, really don't want to miss my sons birthday, but I also don't want to miss sisters hen do. I am then away with work monday - thursday as well (relatively rare for me). We were actually just looking to book a week away that week with the final day falling on DS's birthday. I hate being away from DH and DC's as it is and if I go, this basically means cancelling our holiday plans and then equates to almost a week away in total, as well as missing DS's birthday. Would I BU to not go (gut instinct is to not go if I'm honest and celebrate with my boy) - but I would really upset my sisters which I don't want to do, I sort of feel like I would be BU but feel very torn over it! WWYD?

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 31/01/2017 19:39

I would go to my sister's hen do (hopefully will only happen once!) and move DS's birthday celebrations to another day

LastYearsUsername · 31/01/2017 19:39

How old is your son?

Ilovecaindingle · 31/01/2017 19:40

I bet you ds would love his birthday to be stretched out til Monday night after school!! I shared 3x ds with exh and if my nights didn't fall on the right day we just made the celebrations stretch out a few days!! They are teens now and think it was great!! One ds had his on a school trip and I packed a huge cake in his stuff!! Phone home on his day and discuss the plans for Monday when you are home!!

LastYearsUsername · 31/01/2017 19:41

Sorry posted too soon. At 4 he is young enough to not realise if you move the celebrations a bit!

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 19:41

If you're close to your sister, definitely go to the hen.

You can celebrate with your son the next day/weekend. He won't remember in years to come.

Inertia · 31/01/2017 19:42

It's pretty poor of your sister to pick that weekend. I wouldn't miss my 4 year old's birthday, to be honest.

Original poster
smyle · 31/01/2017 19:42

son is 4 and this is actually the second hen do, but for a marriage to a much nicer man, so feels worth celebrating!!!

OP posts:
Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 31/01/2017 19:42

I would not like to leave my young son on his birthday unless it was absolutely essential. I think your sister should be understanding that it's just something you can't do.

Dahlietta · 31/01/2017 19:43

Wow, I can't believe so far everyone would miss their son's 4th birthday for their sister's hen do! No way would I do this (and I would be questioning why my sister would book it for then and ask me to do this!)

BellaGoth · 31/01/2017 19:44

No way would I miss my child's 4th birthday. Did you sister not realise the date?

Oysterbabe · 31/01/2017 19:44

Can you join the hen party Saturday evening after celebrating with your DS?

glenthebattleostrich · 31/01/2017 19:44

I'd not miss my child's birthday, especially as you are away most of the following week. Surely your sister knew that was her nephews birthday so a bit off for her to book her hen do for that weekend.

Crumbs1 · 31/01/2017 19:46

I hate the notion of hen dos and would never go. If I really wanted to go I would move the birthday celebration to another day as he won't know.

Original poster
smyle · 31/01/2017 19:46

Bella - I think it is a genuine oversight and an attempt to meet lots of peoples competing diaries!
Oyster - I could, it s about a 3hour drive but doable. This is definitely a possibility.

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 31/01/2017 19:46

Your sister knew when her DN's birthday was when it was organised. No way I'd miss my DC's birthdays for a hen do.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 19:49

We don't know why OP's sister picked the date she did.

If a sister I was close to wanted me at her hen, I would go and delay DC's celebration. Especially if she has had a bad previous marriage and needs her sister's support.

Chloe84 · 31/01/2017 19:50

xpost

oblada · 31/01/2017 19:53

At that age I don't see the fuss! I wouldn't be bothered and just move DS's birthday celebrations. Why are ppl THAT bothered abt the actual day? I certainly wouldn't care for my birthday and my birthday has often been 'moved' to suit circumstances! What if your child's birthday is a week day do you miss work? After that of course if you were planning a holiday and it's going to be hard to postpone then fair enough.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 31/01/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 31/01/2017 20:00

I wouldn't be able to miss my Dd' so birthday.

She's 4 this year and is already excited about her birthday

No way am I missing that

I would do the hen do Saturday and come home Sunday

cookiefiend · 31/01/2017 20:12

I would not want to miss DDs birthday, particularly if it was a week I would essentially be away for. Yes DS is young and he won't remember etc etc. But I would still want to see him. There will be loads of birthdays where he will want to be off partying with his friends, but at age 4 you are still his world and I wouldn't want to miss that.

JaxingJump · 31/01/2017 20:16

Of course you should go on the hen! Your son can celebrate the week before or after. He's 4 so will have no idea! But you can't miss your sisters hen.

Wigbert · 31/01/2017 20:34

I wouldn't miss my child's birthday and to be honest I would be really pissed off with my sister for booking that weekend. But then my sister and I are close and she adores my DS and she wouldn't book that weekend anyway.

Don't go (or go for Sunday only). If your sister was that close and really wanted you there for the weekend she would have picked a date that would enable it.

Also, whole weekend away hen parties are want.

Newtothis2017 · 31/01/2017 20:37

If you are close to your sister I would go and celebrate with her. Kids have no idea about dates so move the celebrations or let him celebrate with whoever is minding him and then another cake and celebration with you either before you go or when you come back. I would go to the hen do let.

Henriefta007 · 31/01/2017 20:55

No way would I miss one of my kids birthdays, especially when you have to work away the following week. Don't feel bad, your sister is an adult she can handle a bit of disappointment.