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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to miss DS's birthday...

44 replies

smyle · 31/01/2017 19:37

NC for this in case I'm recognised!
My sister is getting married. Hen weekend planned sounds fabulous and really fun, problem is it is a friday - sunday and DS's 4th birthday falls on the Saturday... I really, really don't want to miss my sons birthday, but I also don't want to miss sisters hen do. I am then away with work monday - thursday as well (relatively rare for me). We were actually just looking to book a week away that week with the final day falling on DS's birthday. I hate being away from DH and DC's as it is and if I go, this basically means cancelling our holiday plans and then equates to almost a week away in total, as well as missing DS's birthday. Would I BU to not go (gut instinct is to not go if I'm honest and celebrate with my boy) - but I would really upset my sisters which I don't want to do, I sort of feel like I would be BU but feel very torn over it! WWYD?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2017 20:58

e's 4 so will have no idea!

How many four year-olds do you know?

All my DGC have been beside themselves at their birthdays from 4 0nwards

What's so special about a hen-do? It's the wedding that's important. The hen is a giant piss-up usually.

Butterymuffin · 31/01/2017 21:01

My child's birthday would come first. Don't really care whether they would 'not even notice' or not. (TBH at 4 I think they probably would.) As has been said, your sister is an adult. The suggestion of going on Saturday evening is very good and I'd do that.

bakeofffan · 31/01/2017 21:03

It's not so much missing the birthday but the fact you'll be away for several days after as well. I have much older DC but couldn't be away for an entire week mainly because house would be chaos by time I returned so I would never do a weekend away the same time as a work trip.

AlmaMartyr · 31/01/2017 21:05

I would really struggle to miss one of my DCs birthdays, especially if I was working away after that.

I would probably try and go on the Saturday evening - do they have plans on the Sunday that you could then join in with?

Believeitornot · 31/01/2017 21:07

I wouldn't miss my 4 year olds birthday

Do those who are saying they would have a 4 year old or have they forgotten?

SheldonCRules · 31/01/2017 21:10

No, I'd not miss a child's birthday unless an emergency.

I hate whole weekend hen dos as they take up so much time and money just to please the bride. Even more so for a second wedding as it's not even applicable really as the person has already been married.

JaxingJump · 31/01/2017 21:14

Nanny, my son turned 4 last week, lol! But if I'd told him his birthday was the next Saturday he'd have had no idea! As it happens his birthday was a Tuesday but the party was much bigger to him so I'd just set his birthday for the following Saturday and go and celebrate my sisters hen.

Original poster

smyle · 31/01/2017 21:16

I do think my older son would know, and most probably tell him.
I'll find a way around it, I thought I was being way over the top but seeing that lots of others would the feel the same way has made me think its ok - I'll try a half and half thing and go on the Saturday night. Also trying to shift working away from monday to the tuesday so at least I'm at home monday as well.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 31/01/2017 21:23

I'm about to miss my (young primary age) DCs birthday- well, I'll be there for an hour before school but away after.

But - it's a school day, I'm back by the weekend & party is happening at a different time. DC is fine with it. Sometimes work stuff is unavoidable. I also had to work on this DC's first birthday, which I felt terrible about.

But as you're away with work & then straight into the weekend I don't think I could go. And I would be a bit irritated at my DSis for forgetting. And, actually, would expect her to understand I couldn't come. And I am my DSis's biggest fan.

BarbarianMum · 31/01/2017 21:28

I wouldn't miss my dc' s birthday for a hen do, even my own sister's.

badg3r · 31/01/2017 21:43

I wouldn't miss DS's birthday, if you are close she will have realised it was DS's birthday and also understand that that takes priority. In her position I would completely understand your not going.

HostaFireAndIce · 31/01/2017 22:22

For all those saying a 4 year old won't notice, I actually think his 4th birthday was the first one that my DS really has noticed and been excited about, even though we didn't do anything particularly exciting as it was a school day.

Catlady1976 · 31/01/2017 23:06

I remember when Dd2 was 6 approx dh took his parents and Dd1 to a football match. He was gone most of the day. SIL even offered to babysit so I could go too.
I thought it was off but I was pretty much told just have a nice day with Dd etc etc and that his actions were fine.
Very different to the replies so far on this thread.
Incidentally I missed Dd2 4th birthday but I was at my brothers funeral. She really wasn't bothered.

JaxingJump · 31/01/2017 23:19

Yes, 4 yr olds are excited about birthdays. But they can't read a calendar unless you teach them to specifically. So all I'm saying is do the birthday on another day! They will enjoy it equally as much as long as you don't say get them all excited about the day you won't be there.

emmyrose2000 · 31/01/2017 23:28

Hen dos taking up an entire weekend are ridiculous anyway. I wouldn't even be attending one that took up that amount of time in the first place, let alone missing my child's birthday for it.

MidniteScribbler · 31/01/2017 23:35

I grew up with parents that ran a business several nights per week, and it was just accepted that birthdays were celebrated on the nearest evening that was free. I personally don't think that a birthday on the same day is that big of a deal.

That said, I do think a three day hen do is unreasonable. I'd probably go Friday/Saturday then come home Saturday night, celebrate birthday on Sunday.

kittymamma · 31/01/2017 23:41

I wouldn't go. I don't drink though and feel uncomfortable in large groups of adults so a hen party isn't my thing anyway. Your children's birthdays though, they are pretty special, for you and them.

walkingtheplank · 31/01/2017 23:44

I wouldn't miss my son's 4th birthday. He'll only have one 4th birthday.

Hulababy · 01/02/2017 16:30

I think if you weren't going to be away the week after without him it would feel a bit different, but tbh I wouldn't want to be away for the weekend when I was going away for work for a few days right after anyway, regardless of the birthday. But I can't imagine my sister ever choosing her niece's birthday tbh.

When DD was 4y she DID understand about her birthday and when it was. I'd have had to start planning a fair bit in advance regards changing the date as she liked to count down and new what 'number' her birthday was on.

Could you do Friday evening to Saturday - and come back for the birthday in the afternoon? Or Saturday afternoon to Sunday? Though coming back Sunday may make it a bit hectic regards being ready to go away on Monday for work.

It does also mean everyone else's holiday plans need to be shelved. Do you have flexibility over the holiday?

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