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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why it's OK - even considered a positive thing- to give girls names that are traditionally considered boy's names but....

486 replies

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2017 13:01

.......not the other way round?

OP posts:
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reuset · 04/02/2017 20:13

Maybe, but I'm not looking at 'a sample from dd's nursery' as one of 'em Grin

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 04/02/2017 20:16

Surely, noone can think a plain white babygro is anything other than gender neutral

You are missing the point. It's the mindset that thinks if you then add trucks to it it's for boys and if you add flowers to it , it's for girls that needs addressing.

To extend your argument as children grow up you would either have to stick to a boring limited range of colours and patterns or you could stop thinking "boys can't wear/ girls can't wear^


splendide · 04/02/2017 20:17

But you said gender neutral meant boy's. Are white babygrows boy's clothes?

RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 20:28

I don't think some parents realise that they are part of the divide.
Mum: x who rule the world?
X:girls!!
Mum: what do boys do?
X: boys smell!

Mum: no y,you can't do that when playing with z. Girls are delicate,they are like flowers. You need to be gentle.
Y: But she's the baddie and i have to catch her to save the world!
Mum: just be gentle darling,save the rough play for the boys. She's not like "Alex", she's a girl.

And then they get all pissy and outraged when "battles" over whether girls or boys are best start at school and sometimes end badly.

splendide · 04/02/2017 20:34

I have an interesting situation with my mum.

DS loves watching workmen and playing with his little cars (I assume most kids do? I've only got him) and my mum was delighted and said "oh he's a real boy isn't it, despite your best efforts!"

She was sooooort of joking in that it wasn't meant to hurt me (and it didn't). It is odd though, I'm not disappointed or worried or something. I think it's because I used to put him in flowery stuff as a baby (because I like florals) and he's got a doll's pram and a kitchen and some pink cutlery and so on that I was hoping he'd be more feminine (whatever that means).

splendide · 04/02/2017 20:41

Sorry didn't really finish my point.

My point is that my mum doesn't "buy" the idea of gender neutral either - she thinks I'm trying to make him a girl.

Sunnymeg · 04/02/2017 20:52
BertrandRussell · 04/02/2017 21:26

"But you said gender neutral meant boy's. Are white babygrows boy's clothes?"

No, you're right about that. And I dressed mine in all white when they were tiny. But unless you dress them in white until they are 18.........

OP posts:
splendide · 04/02/2017 21:31

I think we're on the same side (so to speak) so I don't want to sound like I'm trying to start a fight but what about an orange t shirt or a red coat?

I completely agree that it's more common/ easier/ acceptable to dress a girl from the boys section than the other way round. I believe this is because being a boy is a promotion from being a girl and being a girl is a demotion from being a boy.

What I don't see is that there is no such thing as gender neutral clothing for children.

splendide · 04/02/2017 21:33

Sorry I can be quite monomaniacal - ignore me. I don't get it sorry.

sherazade · 04/02/2017 21:39

Funny but in my Arab background ,names that are traditionally girls are also used for boys . Noor and Zain are two popular girls names that are also used for boys but are predominantly girls names .
It's like dress code - there are dresses that men wear . It's not seen as insulting for a man to be wearing a gown like dress or a scarf on his head . I like how these things intermingle in my culture .

Headofthehive55 · 04/02/2017 21:39

Our primary school top and cardi is non gender specific. Uv suits are pretty unisex (they have been in my house! )

splendide · 04/02/2017 21:41

Not sure about cardies - saw someone on here getting a kicking for wanting to buy her 5 year old a cardigan for school.

BertrandRussell · 04/02/2017 21:53

Do boys wear school uniform cardigans? They don't in any school I've heard about, but I am prepared to be proved wrong!

The issue with red or orange t shirts being unisex is interesting. Yes, of course they are. But the point is that you can choose anything from the boys section, put it on a girl and it becomes unisex. You couldn't do the same from the girls section........

OP posts:
splendide · 04/02/2017 22:01

Oh yes I agree with that completely. I used to buy lots for DS from the girl's section because I liked lots of it. He had cords with bunnies, leggings with cat faces on the knees, stuff with spots, glittery things. Nobody thought they were unisex - they just thought he was a girl. I also had loads from the boy's section. Genuinely I think I'd have dressed a girl baby very similarly. I just bought stuff I liked.

He's 2 and a bit now and I hardly buy anything from the girl's sections. Odd bits and bobs. I buy stuff labelled unisex and boy's mostly. I'm sure if I had a girl I'd still be buying boy's section clothes. So I agree basically.

I'm depressed to admit that I am would these days be quite bothered about him constantly being mistaken for a girl (I didn't care when he was an infant). I think it would upset him now and I'm not brave or strong enough or something. :(

slightlyglitterbrained · 04/02/2017 22:04

Yes. It's considered a "statement" to put your son in a pink, frilly, glittery top with a kitten on the front. Whereas a navy top with a digger or dino on the front - neutral innit?

LumelaMme · 04/02/2017 22:14

Oh look at me putting all my children in gender neutral clothes,not all that stupid girly stuff.
Bertrand is correct - gender neutral means boys ' clothes.
I think Lumela and her daughters are completely missing the point.

No, Lass, I think you're completely missing my point. Possibly I was too concise, but I did say 'a lot of' not 'entirely' boys' clothes. There is a spectrum of children's clothes, from the stuff with tanks and helicopters on it to the pink frills. I tried to select my DDs' clothes from the middle of that spectrum: I wanted clothes that were practical, didn't show the dirt and gave the children a choice: I didn't want my daughters shoved down the 'to be female is to be frilly and ornamental' route. My DC were muck magnets, and generally the boys' version was usually in a darker colour.

I can see what you're driving at re Grayson Perry and Boy George and anyone wearing what they like. But en route to that (if we ever get there), as a culture we'll probably go through some sort of a halfway house, where there are a lot more children's clothes available that would do (in the current mindset) for either sex, with (say) babygros with leaves and hedgehogs on them which would have anyone peering into the pram having no clue of the sex of the baby within. That, I think, is what DD was talking about. After all, if 'gender neutral' in her terms meant 'boys' clothes', all she has to do is trot into the local shops.

RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 22:21

What would you say this top is? Girls/boys/neutral?

To wonder why it's OK - even considered a positive thing- to give girls names that are traditionally considered boy's names but....
splendide · 04/02/2017 22:23

I'd happily put DS in it but I'd expect to find it in the girl's section as it looks dark pink?

RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 22:27

It's red sorry bad light

RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 22:29

Comes with a pair of shorts that are white with lots of fish(same fish as on the top)

To wonder why it's OK - even considered a positive thing- to give girls names that are traditionally considered boy's names but....
splendide · 04/02/2017 22:29

In that case I'm not sure but I'm leaning more towards boy's section (or neutral) because it's quite "graphic" style.

splendide · 04/02/2017 22:30

Oh crosspost. I'm switching back to girls maybe now I know about the shorts. I tend to see white things in the girl's sections.

RebelRogue · 04/02/2017 22:34

Pattern on shorts. They're a pyjama set.

Do so many posts count as drip feeding? I hate that there's no edit button,because i keep forgetting to add stuff.

To wonder why it's OK - even considered a positive thing- to give girls names that are traditionally considered boy's names but....
Headofthehive55 · 04/02/2017 23:53

Yes my DS wears a cardi, as do lots of other boys in his school.

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