AIBU about my mums dog in my house

[Snifftest]

I’ll start off by saying I’m not anti dog. I like them, had them growing up and intend to get one again in the future when we have more time.
But, my mum has gone and bought a puppy. She’s recently retired so has time etc, so great for her, it’ll keep her company, get her exercise etc etc. And it is adorable. However, she does childcare for us one day a week and now ‘needs’ to bring the puppy with her. I understand, the puppy can’t be left alone all day but AIBU to not want it in my house?

• We are trying to sell the house so want it clean and smell free.
• We have 2 cats, who haven’t been around dogs so naturally don’t like them. They are male cats and when stressed one does spray, even though he’s been neutered.
• I don’t want DS (13months) around the dog. My sister was bitten by our very friendly, good tempered dog when she was about 4, so you just never know and I feel a playful puppy is an accident waiting to happen.

Mum asked to do the childcare – she lives about an hour from us so never even hoped that’d we’d get family support, we are very grateful. We don’t pay her, we offered but she has asked that we save what we would have been spending on that day’s child care and put it towards something big at the end of the year. So I don’t really feel I can say no, but I want to.

I'm also a bit peeved that she chose to buy a dog, rather than adopt one from a rescue, but that's my issue.

AIBU? I've said I'm not happy but she can bring it this week as there's no other option and it can live in the kitchen and garden for the day - I'm not a monster, I'll give it a water bowl and an old blanket as a bed.

I can only see 2 options here:

1 Tell dm she can bring the puppy as long as it is never left loose with either your ds or the cats. So that means in a dog crate. This could work, if your dm is prepared to go out in all weathers for days out with your ds and the puppy (buggy walks, trips to the park, etc).

2 Tell her sorry, it's not going to work and you will have to put ds in nursery or find a childminder.

Dogs definitely smell MUCH more than cats btw.

I have a friend with two male cats (who go to the toilet outside) and her flat STINKS. My mum has 5 dogs, and although it definitely doesn't smell fresh, it doesn't smell anywhere near as much as that flat!

P.S. it's a bit extreme to say that no dogs can be trusted with children. My family have never been without at least 2 dogs and we never had any issues

Navy and Eliza the OP has said her mum wants to do regular childcare and the OP would actually find it easier to use full time Nursery. If the childcare arrangement stops it will be the grandma who is upset, not the OP.

OP I agree that I wouldn't want a puppy regularly around my toddler all day with only one person supervising. Too much potential for an incident - is your mum genuinely going to never leave them alone together and always very closely supervise? If she needs to pop to the loo, get a glass of water, doorbell rings, wipe up a spill? Given that she has bought this dog on impulse and not discussed how it will affect her childcare time, I don't think she has thought through these issues, and may not consider them necessary.

Obviously when the child is older, the dog is trained, there are more people around to help supervise, shorter visits, then contact between the child and dog will be possible and beneficial.

You'll just have to explain to your mum that she can't bring her puppy when she is looking after your child. It's up to her what she decides to do. Probably you'll end up needing full time Nursery now (do they have a place?)

Good that many dog owners never have trouble with dog kid.

Most drunk drivers don't crash. Doesn't mean it is a sensible thing to do.

It was wrong of her to assume it would be ok to bring the dog.
But there's not really a lot you can do now. If nursery is easier then it will have to be the answer.

Dogs smell far worse than cats do.

If grandma is going to be upset at the childcare arrangement stopping then she really should have discussed the dog issue with the OP first.

There are several options:

Grandma brings puppy - OP does not want that.

OP takes child to grandmother's house (is that an option?)

OP finds alternative childcare

Grandmother leaves puppy at home/elsewhere

I think you've made a mistake saying she can bring puppy on one occasion though. She will say if it's ok once, it's ok all the time.

So odd! I've never noticed the smell of cats in any cat owner's house.

Some people have keener sense of smell though. Just because you don't notice doesn't mean it doesnt smell!

You don't have to accept someone else's dog into your home. If GP misses out on time with GS then it's her doing. I don't think the op should necessarily make up for it at weekends, unless she wants to and it fits in with what they are doing.

Good that many dog owners never have trouble with dog kid.

Most drunk drivers don't crash. Doesn't mean it is a sensible thing to do.

This is an outrageous comparison. I think you must be a troll?

FWIW, all the posts I've read from dog owners have agreed that dogs and young children should not be left alone together (for the sake of both dog and child). It doesn't then follow that they should never be together full stop.

They shouldn't be together if the parent is not happy. It's not the GP child to make the decision!

It was her who wanted to do the childcare, and if she wanted that to continue, it should have been a factor in her decision to get the puppy. She should have at least asked rather than presumed it would be ok to bring the puppy to your house.

If you are not happy with the puppy in the house, then she will either have to make other arrangements (as it is her that wanted to do the childcare, not you that wanted her to do it) or your DS will have to attend nursery.

So odd! I've never noticed the smell of cats in any cat owner's house.

It does depend on the cat to some extent, just as with dogs. Older cats in particular often smell because they're not grooming themselves as effectively. Tom cats can smell, even if they're not spraying.

Dogs with oily coats, such as labradors, smell more than those without.

There's also an element of owner responsibility - whether they are washing beds, grooming, keeping ontop of hygiene etc.

Picture of the puppy. It is cute!

Aww very cute. Blimey though is it a collie? For some reason when you explained how she'd got the pup on a whim, I was imagining a lap dog!

Yes a collie. We had collie's and Labradors growing up, so not a complete bolt out the blue!

Oh it is very cute puppy and baby can mix however collies as you know are nippy what are you going to say to your mum.

They do chew a lot and need a lot if exercise. If it's poor weather is your child is ill, the dog will still need walking.

Very cute. BUT (and I know I'm going to get flamed for this) both dogs I have known over my lifetime that have bitten have been collies.

My gran had a collie when we were growing up and it was awful.

Not saying ALL collies are like that before anyone spontaneously combusts. Just another consideration for having a dog around the baby thats all

I'm going to ask nursery if they have space for DS on the day she does and then talk to her about it when she comes this week.

I'm not totally against the dog, I just worry about the safety and my cats and my house - if the dog ends up chewing things, who is going to replace it? If it causes stress to my cats it's me who has to clean up the pee and get the smell out.

But ultimately her choices are (long term) - come to mine and leave the dog in the garden (which is safe and secure and I'll even buy a kennel), put the dog in daycare (paid for at least partially by me), leave the dog at home/ with someone else or don't do the childcare.

I do trust her keep to my 'rules'.

Difficult to replace part of the kitchen.
My neighbours collie has wrecked part of her lovely kitchen. It also has nipped her child. Although well supervised.

If you or your DM live in London, I would happily dogsit for free one day a week for such a lovely collie! Maybe there are others like me around...

YY I guess you could try Borrow My Doggy to see if anyone near you would dogsit on the days your mum is looking after your son.

Is your mum expecting something equal to the cost of one day per week childcare over the course of a year? That's a couple of thousands pounds at least.

If she's expecting payment then she's not doing you a favour.

YANBU for finding a nursery.

I spoke to DH who really doesn't want the dog in the house. He's going to take the day off work this week.

I've spoken to my mum and she admitted to not really having thought about if we'd have an issue with the dog at ours or about our cats. I explained our concerns and we've decided to find alternative child care, at least for now. Mum was upset but can understand where we are coming from. She said that some weeks she could have someone look after the dog but as I explained to her, we don't get to just pick and chose when DS goes to nursery.

She's a bit annoyed with us I think but more annoyed with herself for not really thinking it all through or discussing it with us first. She also said she hoped we'd have the dog when she goes away, which I've said we can't do unless we know the dog is OK being left alone whilst we are at work and is OK with cats and kids.

Unfortunately a lot of people jump into having a dog, then actually realise it impacts on their lifestyle. It's the right thing to talk it through with her. In some people's head they gloss over potential problems and think oh sniff likes dogs I'm sure she will have it... Becomes oh sniff will have dog when needed, forgetting to ask you first!