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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about my mums dog in my house

117 replies

Snifftest · 30/01/2017 11:45

I’ll start off by saying I’m not anti dog. I like them, had them growing up and intend to get one again in the future when we have more time.
But, my mum has gone and bought a puppy. She’s recently retired so has time etc, so great for her, it’ll keep her company, get her exercise etc etc. And it is adorable. However, she does childcare for us one day a week and now ‘needs’ to bring the puppy with her. I understand, the puppy can’t be left alone all day but AIBU to not want it in my house?

We are trying to sell the house so want it clean and smell free.
We have 2 cats, who haven’t been around dogs so naturally don’t like them. They are male cats and when stressed one does spray, even though he’s been neutered.
I don’t want DS (13months) around the dog. My sister was bitten by our very friendly, good tempered dog when she was about 4, so you just never know and I feel a playful puppy is an accident waiting to happen.

Mum asked to do the childcare – she lives about an hour from us so never even hoped that’d we’d get family support, we are very grateful. We don’t pay her, we offered but she has asked that we save what we would have been spending on that day’s child care and put it towards something big at the end of the year. So I don’t really feel I can say no, but I want to.

I'm also a bit peeved that she chose to buy a dog, rather than adopt one from a rescue, but that's my issue.

AIBU? I've said I'm not happy but she can bring it this week as there's no other option and it can live in the kitchen and garden for the day - I'm not a monster, I'll give it a water bowl and an old blanket as a bed.

OP posts:

OverTheGardenGate · 30/01/2017 12:25

And no, YANBU. I wouldn't have a puppy in my house, let alone all day with an infant. There are too many possibilities of something going wrong.

Goodasgoldilox · 30/01/2017 12:26

Cats do have quite a strong smell - to people who don't have them in the house.

(It is a perfectly natural for cats to regularly scent-mark the places they stay in.)

This is true even in clean houses +ones that use air-fresheners.

Fortunately the scent is something cat-owners get used to and they aren't offended - or even aware of the scent.

OverTheGardenGate · 30/01/2017 12:28

Fortunately the scent is something cat-owners get used to and they aren't offended - or even aware of the scent
Not necessarily true right across the board. I don't have cats but I've never smelt them in the houses of people who do.

jemmstar1980 · 30/01/2017 12:30

You're not being unreasonable but the alternatives are that she doesn't childcare or she does and the puppy has to go to a sitter.

the only thing you don't consider is that by making this rule you are taking time away from her spending with the grand kids? She will no doubt miss not having time with them so I think you should be ready to address that. E.g. Whilst the puppy is little and can't be left we will bring the kids over if you keep him shut in the kitchen.

user1471549018 · 30/01/2017 12:30

My parents will soon be looking after DS (similar age) and have just got a puppy too! Oh and we also have cats! I think it will be nice for DS to grow up alongside the puppy. I'm also pretty cautious around dogs, and hope it helps him to feel more confident. I can imagine they'll be out most of the day at the park etc anyway with a puppy and toddler to exercise! I'd say if you just say to keep the dog in the kitchen/garden when they're home it will be fine. Why not see how it goes for a couple of weeks then decide

specialsubject · 30/01/2017 12:31

cats dont smell. Cat excreta does so OP is not unreasonable not to want this encouraged.

dogs smell. And dogs bite and NO dog can be trusted around children.

OP's mum can't leave the puppy alone (bark, bark, chew, destroy, excrete) so she either brings it or it goes to daycare. The latter costs.

MardAsSnails · 30/01/2017 12:31

I have multiple dogs (more dogs than I have hands). I never ask/assume/consider that they may be allowed in someone else's house. I find that really weird.

Inertia · 30/01/2017 12:34

Could you offer to pay the cost of doggy daycare if everyone is happy for the childcare she provides to continue?

YANBU to not want the dog in your home, especially as you are trying to sell.

Bunnyfuller · 30/01/2017 12:36

Change your childcare - she's doing you a favour for heavens sake!

DistanceCall · 30/01/2017 12:39

Tell her the truth - that you are extremely grateful for her kind offer, and would love for her to take care of your child, but that you are placing your home for sale and worry about your child's safety around a puppy, so you can't really accept her offer.

Katy07 · 30/01/2017 12:39

I wouldn't want the puppy to be roaming my house because of the cats getting stressed - though you might find that they'd put it in its place quickly in a way that they wouldn't with an older dog. I'd have thought though that socialising your DS with a puppy (assuming proper supervision obviously) was a good thing because puppies are more likely to handle (and enjoy) a bit of rough play and it would get used to young children better than if it was only exposed to them later when it could get narked at it. Could the puppy stay in your kitchen? That way it won't annoy the cats & won't smell the house out (though I'd have thought less of an issue if it's only one day a week).

PovertyPain · 30/01/2017 12:39

I was just about to suggest doggy daycare. 😄 You could explain that the pup is stressing your cats and making them spray, but follow it up with the suggestion of doggy daycare, emphasising how beneficial it would be for the pup to socialise early, as it would reach the pup manners around other dogs and would also be great fun for it. It would help if you said you'd pay for it as you don't want your mum to be financially affect whilst looking after your child.

QueenofallIsee · 30/01/2017 12:41

Your Mum has a dog now, fair enough - that additional commitment that she has taken on is preventing her from doing childcare for the very valid reasons you state. You would only be unreasonable if you refused to make other arrangements or tried to insist she got rid of the dog. She would only be unreasonable if she insisted that she must have the baby and brough the dog regardless.

Just say no thanks OP

QueenofallIsee · 30/01/2017 12:43

So the OP should pay for the dog to be cared for to avoid paying child care? that makes no sense!

Original poster

Snifftest · 30/01/2017 12:45

Bunnyfuller DS was booked in to nursery full time but after the first week my mum asked that she do a day so she gets to spend time with DS. Whilst we are grateful and I do feel they both benefit, she isn't 'doing me a favour'- it's actually much easier for him to go to nursery full time as I don't need to have the house clean and tidy midweek, I don't have to provide DS and mum food and I don't have to navigate issues such as this. I don't want to upset my mum by saying she can no longer do childcare, but I'm happy for him to go to nursery full time.

Unfortunately the only doggy day care nearby (mum lives in a very rural area) is more expensive than DS's nursery.

OP posts:

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/01/2017 12:45

In what world do cats smell worse than dogs?!

Exactly. When DM had a dog her house always smelt doggy but now she's only got a cat I never smell him.

YANBU, I wouldn't want a dog in my house. Oh and would judge my DM if she bought a pet rather than rescuing!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/01/2017 12:53

The puppy won't cope with staying in the kitchen if it has free reign in your mums house. As it is small (I assume), it won't be much bother yet - sleep, poo, wee, play. Give it a few weeks though..... I agree pay for doggy day care or full time nursery. Personally I wouldn't want a puppy around a small child whilst I wasn't there. Puppies nip to play. My young dog is relatively chilled and he nips ankles/clothes. Dd was bitten just above the eye by brother/Sils dog totally unprovoked and I didn't see any warnings - dog totally relaxed etc - when dd was 15 months. I'm very wary.

NameChange30 · 30/01/2017 12:59

I can't believe the doggy day care is more expensive than nursery, that's crazy!

Sounds as if full time nursery is the best solution, but maybe you could schedule in other time for her to see DS, to soften the blow. e.g. one day each weekend, or every other weekend, you could take it in turns to visit each other (provided she can leave the dog if she comes to yours) or meet halfway and walk the dog together.

HollywoodStunt · 30/01/2017 13:00

I'm also a bit peeved that she chose to buy a dog, rather than adopt one from a rescue, but that's my issue

I get it that that's not the main point of your post, and I agree with you to a large extent. But having rescued an older rottie with multiple health problems (which the rescue shelter didn't tell me about) I also understand why many people won't do it

thenewaveragebear1983 · 30/01/2017 13:00

Ah I could have written your post! My dm has just got a puppy, they live an hour away too. I don't work but thy visit once a week and every time it's just a day of chaos. She brings her crate now and the pup will sleep in there for a while but also wants to be out and exploring. My old cats just go for her and it's all very stressful. No solutions I'm afraid. I think When the dog is older then I'll ask my parents to leave her at home when they visit but for now I think if I want to see them, they come as a group of 3.

Perhaps ask your mum to just visit and not offer childcare for now?

Nemosnemsis · 30/01/2017 13:00

cats dont smell. Cat excreta does so OP is not unreasonable not to want this encouraged.

dogs smell. And dogs bite and NO dog can be trusted around children.

Cat do smell, some cats more than others, just like some dogs smell more than others. In general, young puppies dont smell much at all. An adult cat has the potential to cause much more serious injury (bite or scratch) than a puppy. The only serious bite I ever had was from a cat - ended up in hospital on a drip.

OP. You have every right to refuse anyone entry to your house, human or animal and the reasons you gave are sensible. But consider this - your mum could have this dog for the next 14 years. Are you saying you don't want your ds to have any contact with the puppy at all? Yours and your ds's relationship with your mum is bound to suffer.

Also, why would you be peeved about her buying a dog rather than rescuing? Seems a bit unfair.

Servicesupportforall · 30/01/2017 13:00

Neither my cats dog or house smell because I clean it.

Op you sound very sensible and I would go ahead with full time nursery. You could tell your mum any street like the nursery heeded more hours from you or they would cut hours etc if you didn't want to tell her it's the dog issue.

She might find the 70 mile weekly drive is getting too much anyway so she might be grateful.

Good luck

LizzieMacQueen · 30/01/2017 13:04

I don't think the puppy will like the long car journey - maybe say that to your mum.

stonecircle · 30/01/2017 13:08

Serious dog lover here. The smell really wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't want to put a baby/toddler with a puppy. Not worth the risk.

I was just speculating yesterday on whether or not ds1 and his long term gf might have children before too long. My next thought was that, if I offered to do any child-minding I would do it at their place rather than have a small child here with our dogs. Fortunately DH could be with the dogs so they wouldn't be on their own.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/01/2017 13:11

It wouldn't bother me, except for the cats - mostly my cats would have kept a puppy in line, but the one we have left is old now and couldn't anymore (he now actually lives with my Mum - long story).

Can you not put a gate up so the puppy can stay in the kitchen? Or can she not crate train it?

Your Mum could put DS is the buggy & they can take the puppy for walks.

I think it's lovely for a kid to grow up with a dog, this way you get the benefit but very little of the hassle & expense.

Or, is there a Pet Mindung Service near you, that's a couple of hours less sitting per time?

Or a neighbour either at your Mum's or yours that would enjoy the companynfor the day? I'd do that willingly.

There are lots of options really, try to find one that keeps everyone happy.

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