AIBU about my mums dog in my house

[Snifftest]

I’ll start off by saying I’m not anti dog. I like them, had them growing up and intend to get one again in the future when we have more time.
But, my mum has gone and bought a puppy. She’s recently retired so has time etc, so great for her, it’ll keep her company, get her exercise etc etc. And it is adorable. However, she does childcare for us one day a week and now ‘needs’ to bring the puppy with her. I understand, the puppy can’t be left alone all day but AIBU to not want it in my house?

• We are trying to sell the house so want it clean and smell free.
• We have 2 cats, who haven’t been around dogs so naturally don’t like them. They are male cats and when stressed one does spray, even though he’s been neutered.
• I don’t want DS (13months) around the dog. My sister was bitten by our very friendly, good tempered dog when she was about 4, so you just never know and I feel a playful puppy is an accident waiting to happen.

Mum asked to do the childcare – she lives about an hour from us so never even hoped that’d we’d get family support, we are very grateful. We don’t pay her, we offered but she has asked that we save what we would have been spending on that day’s child care and put it towards something big at the end of the year. So I don’t really feel I can say no, but I want to.

I'm also a bit peeved that she chose to buy a dog, rather than adopt one from a rescue, but that's my issue.

AIBU? I've said I'm not happy but she can bring it this week as there's no other option and it can live in the kitchen and garden for the day - I'm not a monster, I'll give it a water bowl and an old blanket as a bed.

Oh and would judge my DM if she bought a pet rather than rescuing!

Have you taken on many rescue dogs? It's not as simple as you seem to imagine - much more complicated than rescuing a cat for example.

No one should feel bad for buying a puppy instead of rescuing if they feel it's not for them. As long as they buy from a reputable breeder and give the dog a good home for life. Do you judge people for having their own children instead of adopting too?

Nemosnemsis of course DS will spend time with the dog, I think it'll be good for both of them. I just think it's hard enough to watch DS all the time, let alone a dog as well, and I know how persistent/ forceful DS can be with things. I just don't want to put my mum, DS or the poor dog in a position where something may happen that it totally preventable.

Unfortunately, if she stops doing child care she won't see DS anywhere near as frequently. Both DH and I work full time and due to the travel time, visits to my mum are all day jobs. We also live a distance from DHs family and my dad as well as having the usual household things to do and house hunting, weekends fill up quickly so certainly couldn't commit to a regular grandma slot.

I'll have a chat with mum about it, but I think full time nursery is going to be the way to go, I just know mum will be sad about it.

I think I'm most annoyed about it as it seems she hasn't really thought it through. Not just my child care, she holiday's frequently abroad and it was really spur of the moment. It is very cute though, so I can see why she was drawn in!

Fair enough OP, when you said you didn't want ds around the dog I thought you might mean 'ever'. It's a tough one. Perhaps once pup is older she could get a dog walker in? Cheaper than doggy daycare. Although you'd still have to sort something else out for the interim.

Agree with Nemo - we have a 10 year old dog we bought at 8 weeks. She's a sweetheart - so gentle and well-behaved. We also have 2 rescues we got when they were about 6-7 months. I wouldn't trust either with a small child!

Regarding a puppy and a child together.

You train a puppy or don't have one and iron rule never ever leave any animal alone with a child until that child demonstrates sensible behaviour around a dog.

I help mind my grandson and have a puppy. It's fine you just heed rules.

No I don't think she thought it through unless she wanted to use the excuse of stopping minding your child. If she upset it's her own doing. Totally unreasonable to expect you to have a dog in your house. Imagine if it chews the Door, kitchen when you've accepted an offer on the house. Not fair for potential buyers.

My pIL minded a dog for someone for six months whilst they went on a long holiday. We made the rule that they didn't bring the dog when they visited ( they always stay over). Their choice to look after a dog. My choice not to have dog in my house.

navyandwhite I think annoyed is the wrong word, more concerned. And I think rightly so. We saw her on Saturday and she made no mention of getting a dog, and yet on Sunday she gets a dog. Only a couple of weeks ago she was saying how much easier life is now the cat has passed away (died in September) and when the last of our dogs died a few years ago she said she wouldn't want to be tied down by a dog again, so getting this puppy does seem a little out of the blue and contrary to what she has said. I worry she'll regret it.

My sister bought a puppy she didnt think through my parents dogsit all the time

Different arrangements for childcare required.

I wouldn't want a dog in my house either for the same reasons as op.

Cats definitely don't smell as much as dogs unless they spray which is rare. They are well known for being clean animals, unlike dogs who love being dirty.

Dont have cats or dogs but I have to be honest I notice a dog smell in a house far sooner than a cat smell. Dogs are much more pungent than cats, sorry

She hasn't thought it through OP. She has just assumed that you will be okay with the puppy around your child and in your house. I'm not sure how to square that with snippy comments about the world not revolving around you. Your mum seems comfortable with it all being about her.

Dog issues aside, it sounds like your mum really wants to spend time with your Dc. You said you live 70+m away & don't see her often. And you can't drop Dc to her as its an hour away, if you put Dc in nursery full time, will you make more of an effort for Dgm & Dc to see each other on weekends instead? You could be there then to supervise the dog & make sure it stays in the kitchen. She will probably be really sad to miss out on grandchild time, as well as your Dc missing out.

It's her own bloody fault she's missing out on one day with her grandchild, it's the consequence of her decision to get a dog!

However I agree it would be good to plan time for them to see each other at weekends, maybe when you've found a house you'll have a bit more free time (no more househunting) although moving is time consuming too.

She hasn't thought it through OP. She has just assumed that you will be okay with the puppy around your child and in your house. I'm not sure how to square that with snippy comments about the world not revolving around you. Your mum seems comfortable with it all being about her.

The OP hasn't even told her mum that she can't bring the dog yet, so for all we know she might be fine with the alternative childcare arrangements. She has been doing the OP a huge favour by offering childcare in the first place, especially as she lives so far away. Exactly how do you think she is making it 'all about her'?!

She shouldn't have to put the whole rest of her life on hold so she can look after or spend time with her grandchild.

That's quite a selfish opinion imo.

It's her own bloody fault she's missing out on one day with her grandchild, it's the consequence of her decision to get a dog!

No, it's a consequence of both her decision, and the OPs objection to having the dog in the house. And could potentially be compensated for at weekends. Effort to spend time with family shouldn't be so one-sided.

The only thing I can see that mum did 'wrong' here was to give OP such little notice.