To report sister to social services

[ricecrispies16]

My sister has been removed from an "abusive relationship" and her two children were due to be put under a care order UNLESS she stayed away from her partner.

She has some issues and has lied about her partner abusing her (although he is abusive to the children, particularly one of them who is now living with my mum, her choice). She is still in regular contact with her partner, taking one of the children to stay there every weekend without fail. She has been told that if she sees him or takes the children there that the children will be placed under an order.

Mum has said she will take on her son legally if she wants her to, she said no because then she will lose money (benefits). She's pushing for all kinds of diagnoses for him, ADHD, Autism etc in the hope she will be able to claim carers allowance for him.

The whole scenario makes me feel sick. The case with social services was meant to go to a conference last week but because she's "stayed away" they didn't do it.

She has said that when social services backs off she will take the child back from my mum, go back to him and both herself and her partner have said they will blame him everyday for being disloyal and speaking out about what was happening at home. She calls him idiot, c**t etc and I can't bare to think that she will be allowed to take him whenever she wants and subject him to abuse.

What can I do?

If I ring social services I can't prove that she's been going to him, or that she verbally abuses him or that she only wants him for the money.

I really can't see him go back there but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

Speeak confidentially to the school and tell the police your fears and of the emotional abuse your mother is receiving.

Let the socia worker know too.

I have no relationship with her, so I wouldn't feel bad at all. She speaks disgustingly of myself and my children, has massive jealousy issues and can't accept my mum has more grandchildren than hers. She says some awful things, she is generally a vile person.

I will report what she is doing, I couldn't bare to hear she's taken her son back and gone to live with him. The change in my nephew since he's been with my mum is astonishing. The other nephew appears stronger but knows far too much and is under so much pressure. But he's a protect my mum type and so she feeds off his reactions.

Both. Write the letter. Make the call ASAP. The call should be logged, the letter can't be ignored.

I'm guessing there was already a section 47 which took no further action. She hasn't kept the children safe and is still causing them emotional harm. Getting a diagnosis is a very long process. School, home are looked at closely.

The sad thing is you don't require a diagnosis to make a DLA claim, she can put that the child is going through the diagnostic process. All the appointments and letters will back this up. Some parents will do anything for money, even have a child medicated on a false pretence.

When you make the call ask for the persons name. Also make it clear from the onset that you don't want your details disclosed as you fearful of the backlash. Also, if the child is at your mothers, your sister should be paying towards the up keep.

I would also (as already suggested) contact the school and express your concerns.

What would I say to the police?

Keep any texts, and record her being nasty & also saying she will take the kids to live with her ex. She sounds awful. I don't think you can stand by and do nothing. It's not as if you have a relationship with her anyway, so it won't really make any difference. But at least you can do something for the kids. Is there any way you can take some pics as evidence of her visiting her ex with the other child?
I am shocked that she is trying to get the kids labelled with all sorts so she can claim carers allowance.

Definitely report. Best of luck, it sounds awful :/

I'm another one for agreeing with recording. Please call them, if someone called them on my parents I, perhaps, would have had a better childhood

SS will involve the police if necessary.
I don't think you need to call them tbh.
A direct report to SS should get all the relevant agencies involved.

Id report her in a heartbeat she sounds vile

You tell them everything you have told us, perhaps print this out to help you?

Your actions will save them a lifetime of abuse op so don't let vile bullies get in the way of that.

Ring them now, they wil probably give you an incident number which means anytime anyone takes the call they can refer back to what you have told them.

Once you have an incident or case number you can let your mum know it and the school and the social worker so their response can be joined up.

Good luck and be brave op, you won't regret it. x

I am a SW. I would say you have to call and speak to the allocated worker. Tell them what you know and any specific dates/places/times your sister was with her ex. Also explain you would rather they didn’t say it was you who informed them. Then you let them take whatever action is needed. Keep what you have to say professional and succinct. Good luck.

The police IMOH would only pass back to SS?

OP,

You and your Mum are already doing a great job, under horrible circumstances, to prioritise those children's welfare. Many others would pass the buck.

Your conscience will always remain clear, if you know you've done (and continue to do) the utmost to keep them safe.

PPs have given wise advice as to how best protect them, and the both of you, from such vile behaviour. I'm just sending you strength and best wishes x

The reason I suggested a letter is because its much easier to get all the information you feel is relevant included. It is very easy when talking to someone to forget things because you can become focused on one point. You can call as well but a letter gives you the best opportunity of getting all your concerns across especially about the emotional abuse with regards to asd etc.

You can report it anonymously to social services - there are often vague reports that come in from "a neighbour" for example. They're taking just as seriously as one that comes from a named source.

Good luck and well done for doing the right thing x

please report asap

i dont want to imagine the life that poor boy will have if he goes back there

of course she's trying for pip/dla,she wont have to work and will get generous benefits for it,ive seen it happen myself,disgusting behaviour on her part

so glad you and your mum (especially you) can be this lads voice

Please report it - others have given good advice so I won't repeat it, but please put yourself into the minds of those poor children - terrified every day of their abusive parents, deeply sad and depressed, and on the way to becoming deeply sad and depressed adults, too.

This is very hard for you, but you know in your heart what must be done.

And your sister's determination to have her child statement will affect his whole life. The chances of him ever fulfilling his potential and having a rewarding and happy life will be nil.

It is mothers like her who get the mother of every genuinely needy child vilified. This money from the gov't, is to help children to achieve the best they are capable of, not to fund parents who deliberately hold their child back so that they can claim the cash - she is shameful!

You and your mum are the only hope these children have got.

great post happy

Report her. Now.

Thanks everyone for your excellent advice. I'm torn between reporting today or waiting until the weekend when I can be around them and record some evidence of verbal abuse etc I will ask my mum what texts she has.

Do it at once.

If the children are on a CP plan call the police when you know the child and mother and partner are together. You can remain anonymous

Please don't wait, do it today. Those children need protecting now.