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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report sister to social services

138 replies

ricecrispies16 · 30/01/2017 07:32

My sister has been removed from an "abusive relationship" and her two children were due to be put under a care order UNLESS she stayed away from her partner.

She has some issues and has lied about her partner abusing her (although he is abusive to the children, particularly one of them who is now living with my mum, her choice). She is still in regular contact with her partner, taking one of the children to stay there every weekend without fail. She has been told that if she sees him or takes the children there that the children will be placed under an order.

Mum has said she will take on her son legally if she wants her to, she said no because then she will lose money (benefits). She's pushing for all kinds of diagnoses for him, ADHD, Autism etc in the hope she will be able to claim carers allowance for him.

The whole scenario makes me feel sick. The case with social services was meant to go to a conference last week but because she's "stayed away" they didn't do it.

She has said that when social services backs off she will take the child back from my mum, go back to him and both herself and her partner have said they will blame him everyday for being disloyal and speaking out about what was happening at home. She calls him idiot, c**t etc and I can't bare to think that she will be allowed to take him whenever she wants and subject him to abuse.

What can I do?

If I ring social services I can't prove that she's been going to him, or that she verbally abuses him or that she only wants him for the money.

I really can't see him go back there but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
DailyMailFuckRightOff · 30/01/2017 08:14

Definitely report. Give them all the info you can about daily patterns, when she takes the boy to him etc. Let them worry about finding evidence.
This is the most loving thing you can do for your nephew. He is at risk and you have the power to stop that.
Please, do it today. This is urgent.

redexpat · 30/01/2017 08:19

The only question you need to ask yourself is: Is it in the children's best interests to report? Hell yes in this case.

Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 30/01/2017 08:21

I will report it, I'm just trying to find out if she goes there in the week so I can give an idea of when she will be there.

My poor mum will receive the backlash of this

OP posts:
OddBoots · 30/01/2017 08:24

If you have any doubt about what to do then please do call the NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000), they are brilliant at knowing the right way to do things to get the children safe.

GizmoFrisby · 30/01/2017 08:26

I have been in this situation but my sisters was a lot worse. There was dv, drugs,house smashed up, leaving children alone while she went out it's been horrendous for 11 years. I was on speaking terms with her social worker and she abandoned her daughter for 8 days with no contact. I thought this was the last straw but they keep giving her chance after chance. The 11 year old now is truly damaged. She won't talk to men at all. My point being yes report her but please don't expect them to do anything. One of her kids lives with her dad due to swallowing drugs. And we have had the eldest between us for the past 11 years. But when she wants her back threatens to have us done for kidnap Hmm the most recent time when she went for 8 days with the abusive partner to a drugs den she took the baby with her and left the 11 year old. I rang police and ss and they told me to keep her safe at mine, which I did. Then on the 9th day the ss made me give her back even though the 11 yr old was hysterical on the phone to social worker telling her there was drugs/abuse going on daily. For me I don't have any faith in the system what so ever.

oleoleoleole · 30/01/2017 08:27

YANBU. Please protect her children and ring them.

DeadZed · 30/01/2017 08:39

You don't mention whether the children are school age or not but if they are then school will have there own child protection policies and will also be watching the situation. If you are worried about calling SS directly you could talk about your concerns with the school. They have a duty to report to SS.

Strongmummy · 30/01/2017 08:46

Yes, report. What an awful situation for everyone

Miserylovescompany2 · 30/01/2017 09:03

You can ask them not to disclose your name as you fear repercussions. The need(s) of the children should always take presidence over all else.

I'm surprised SS didn't go to conference though. Hopefully, with new information they will initiate a section 47 enquiry.

By the sounds of things your sister is putting her needs in front of the childrens. She also sounds very self centred and manipulative.

Personally, I would put all your concerns in writing.

Chickoletta · 30/01/2017 09:04

DeadZed's advice is good. Make a disclosure to the children's school and they will act.

I'm sorry this is so awful for you but you've got to be brave and do something to protect those poor kids.

CripsSandwiches · 30/01/2017 09:06

It definitely has to be reported. I would report and take the slack from my sister if need be to protect my mum. The first priority has to be the kids though. Thank god they have you and your mum to take care of them.

JeffJarrett · 30/01/2017 09:06

This is sickening. Please do listen to PP and report her as soon as possible. I'd be concerned about her deliberately making her DS ill if she can't get him diagnosed with SN/MH condition.

I'm sure your Mum already gets abuse from your sister with her having one of the DC's, she's an adult and can call the police if your sister or her partner threaten her and I'm sure she would want you to do this too.

The children can't do anything to help themselves in this, you have to do the right thing and keep on at SS until they're safe. You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if anything happened to them, and it sounds like it could.

Your sister and her partner sound like a pair of horrible cunts.

NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenfolder · 30/01/2017 09:08

you have to. my dd had a fellow pupil who was not allowed unsupervised contact with her mother. my dd knew for a fact that this was being flouted and then I had proof with my own eyes. I reported to the school.

RedHelenB · 30/01/2017 09:10

Its not just the partner that's abusive is it? Sf course you need to let SS know.

SmellTheGlove · 30/01/2017 09:10

Try and get any evidence you can. keep texts etc. I work in a safeguarding role and social workers often ask for screenshots of facebook pages, texts, emails etc as there is a lot of 'he said'/'she said' at meetings and often very little concrete evidence. If there was going to be a case conference then there must have been an assessment already, so another referral from you or school would escalate that.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/01/2017 09:12

do it, report her. what a piece is shit she is hey.

I hope you Mum can keep her son, and she is barred

I would also record her and document stuff

so sorry for your family OP

Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 30/01/2017 09:13

Do you think it would be better to write a letter than to call?

She is full of lies, tells anyone that will listen that her son has mental health issues, these issues have miraculously disappeared since living with my mum.

He asked me the other day if he has autism, bloody awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 30/01/2017 09:14

I know who they're social worker is and the council she's based at. Should I ask for her directly?

OP posts:
Original poster
ricecrispies16 · 30/01/2017 09:14

Their**

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 30/01/2017 09:15

If you text and she text back can the police work out the location when the text was sent? Or have I been watching too many spy documentaries?

Mooey89 · 30/01/2017 09:18

You poor thing and those poor children.
I would email, point by point with each concern, how you know, what the evidence is.

You can ask that they keep your identity confidential.

I am a social worker (adults) and have a similar situation with my step daughter so see from both sides.

An email means they can't misunderstand what you are telling them and no room for the post going missing.

NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobGoblin23 · 30/01/2017 09:24

Please do this. Fwiw I have been in a similar position. I reported my sibling to existing social worker. My nephew had been under a protection plan since birth and by 10 yrs old they reached the stage where they were removing the plan and support. I knew there were still issues, and told them what I knew.

My sibling doesn't speak to me anymore. My nephew is still under a plan 2 years later and has now started a special school for boys with behaviour problems. I doubt very much he would have got this if social services had backed off. I have a clear conscience and love both of them very dearly. You know what the right thing to do is. Flowers the fall out will be hard on you, be brave.

TheFirstMrsDV · 30/01/2017 09:25

You can ask for the SW directly but if she is not in you can talk to duty.
You can explain that you must remain anonymous but make sure you let them know that you are in close contact and not a neighbour or random concerned person.

There will be backlash but there will always be a backlash with people like your sister involved. Its how they control things. I expect you get backlash for stuff that is nothing to do with you.

Has your mum been in contact with family rights group
They are a good source of information for carers of family member's children. Their website has a lot of good legal information.

Mooey is right. An email tends to be better because its proof. I have found SS much more likely to action emails.

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