To report sister to social services

[ricecrispies16]

My sister has been removed from an "abusive relationship" and her two children were due to be put under a care order UNLESS she stayed away from her partner.

She has some issues and has lied about her partner abusing her (although he is abusive to the children, particularly one of them who is now living with my mum, her choice). She is still in regular contact with her partner, taking one of the children to stay there every weekend without fail. She has been told that if she sees him or takes the children there that the children will be placed under an order.

Mum has said she will take on her son legally if she wants her to, she said no because then she will lose money (benefits). She's pushing for all kinds of diagnoses for him, ADHD, Autism etc in the hope she will be able to claim carers allowance for him.

The whole scenario makes me feel sick. The case with social services was meant to go to a conference last week but because she's "stayed away" they didn't do it.

She has said that when social services backs off she will take the child back from my mum, go back to him and both herself and her partner have said they will blame him everyday for being disloyal and speaking out about what was happening at home. She calls him idiot, c**t etc and I can't bare to think that she will be allowed to take him whenever she wants and subject him to abuse.

What can I do?

If I ring social services I can't prove that she's been going to him, or that she verbally abuses him or that she only wants him for the money.

I really can't see him go back there but I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

Do it today, and tell the SW you will try and get more evidence and pass it on when you have it.

[TheFirstMrsDV]

You should do it sooner rather than later.
Its not up to you to investigate. That is the job of SS and the police if needs be.
Its always better to report during the week. SS is not fully staffed at the weekend and it can take longer for things to be seen too. More urgent cases will get bumped ahead of yours.

I know its horrible to have to do this. No one enjoys it. Someone has to do it though.

[fruitbrewhaha]

please report this today

[alltouchedout]

Report it today. If you have further information to report later on, you can do that. Protect your nephew. You sound like a good person who cares and who knows your sister's behaviour is terrible.

[GizmoFrisby]

Gosh op your sister sounds just like mine.

[justilou]

My mother was violent and neglectful and was extremely manipulative, so I never asked for help for myself. I wonder why nobody thought to call Social Services for me, and often wish that they had.

[Slimmingsnake]

Yes you must report this

[FruitCider]

I remember being in a similar situation with my cousin. I knew if I reported her actions it would tear the family apart, but I did it anyway. 5 years down the line and everyone agrees that I did the right thing. Children cannot defend themselves against abuse, as adults we must put their needs first regardless of how heart breaking it is.

[Beth2511]

i have just left an incredibly violent relationship with my two children. even 10 days later i can see now how badly they have been effectes by what they have seen. if i were to go back i think i would want someone to report it as if shes gone back she clearly doesn't realise how hurt her children will be and it would be the best thing for them.

the children need protecting

[ricecrispies16]

I guess it's just daunting. She will go mental when she finds out, I just hope she doesn't take it out on my mum or guess it was me.

It's such a horrible feeling but needs doing

[CaraAspen]

Think of the children. Just do it.

[OddBoots]

The NSPCC helpline will help talk you through the when and how, you don't even need to give them names, they are informed and understanding experts that will support you in doing the best for your sister's children. It's a free phone call 0808 800 5000

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Please do this today-ask to speak to allocated SW... And tell them times and dates so they can do unannounced visits..

How grim.

Good luck OP!

[QueenyLaverne]

Yes tell them. Now. Tell them everything.
Fight for your goddamn life to make sure the kids get removed from her care. Permanantly.

[MrsArthurShappey]

Good luck OP, you know you'll be doing the right thing.

[OlennasWimple]

Do it now. Don't wait until the weekend.

Good luck

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I'm not going to tell you what you should do because previous posters have done that already, and it does sound as though you know anyway.

On the matter of reprisals though - call the Police if your sister or her partner become aggressive with either you or your mum. Either one (or both) of you can apply for a restraining order if necessary.

for you & your mum OP. These children are relying on you to help them, it's scary for you I'm sure, but so worthwhile in the long run.

[CompanyOfCats]

yes, ring now.

[DorcasthePuffin]

This must be so hard for you and your mum, OP. But you should contact the allocated worker, now.

I think that your mum is going to have to put distance between herself and your sister, anyway. If she has one or both children, your sister and her partner will probably keep giving grief in some way, and your mum will have to protect them all from that. So you may need to talk to social services now about how the whole family (you, your mum, the dc) can be kept safe.

[MLGs]

Yes, please do ring them straight away.

[TitaniasCloset]

What an awful situation. I was on a similar situation to your sister I was with a violent man and he would not leave me alone although social services has told me no contact. Unlike your sister I was terrified of him and kept trying to get away from him. I think your sister is in major denial at how this is affecting her children and actually its probably the child that keeps defending his mother that needs help the most. You must report this. Something terrible could happen and you will never forgive yourself. Good luck and God bless.

[GladAllOver]

How can you not ring SS?
Those children need protection from the toxic parenting, and you must help it to happen.
Forget what your sister may say. This is about those children who need proper care.
If something really bad happens, and you have not made that phone call, how are you going to feel then?
Do it NOW!

[CoraPirbright]

Good luck wth it all OP - you are doing the right thing in reporting.