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Original poster

What is the ideal number of children? What was your main deciding factor in having a third?!

135 replies

EyesOfBlue · 29/01/2017 12:30

AIBU to ask this?

Totally unscientific of course! I just wondered what people perceive to be as the ideal number of children to have!

I've one of each, boy and girl, but keep thinking I'd love just one more!

Does the desire to experience pregnancy and newborn stage again fade over time. My children are aged 2 and 4!

Sensible part of me says that two children is lefty especially as they get older and more activities, school etc to contend with. can't bear to part with my buggy

Sorry for the ramble!

OP posts:
lovemakespeace · 30/01/2017 06:42

I have 3. Pretty much as soon as I had nos 1 and 2 my mind was wondering if another would come along. Just felt like someone was missing. As soon as I had number 3 I am at peace.

I'm very grateful that there were no financial / support network / housing issues to having my DD2 though. She feels like my bonus baby as I don't think we would have had her if our circumstances were not so good.

We all absolutely adore her (10 months now) and I often pinch myself she is here. Even if she did wake me at 5.15 this morning Angry

I do sometimes wonder what it will be like to support 3 through to adulthood. And wanting to have the resources to do that as well as I can would prevent me having more. I don't have as big a capacity as some mums I know.

HelenaJustina · 30/01/2017 06:55

We have 4. It's busy but I wouldn't describe it as chaotic (I don't handle complete chaos well, v organised person) I love the range of relationships available, the support/love each DC gets from the others, the challenges of parenting them fairly but differently according to need/age.

If my heart made the decision, I'd have kept going - I think it gets easier over the hump of 3. Luckily for our bank balance my/DH head intervened and DH had a vasectomy last year.

Figgygal · 30/01/2017 06:57

We have 2 (5 and 3months) on the wrong side of 35 so won't have anymore. I never wanted more than 2 but there's something about new babies making me fancy another dh has been told to get his vasectomy sorted out ASAP so all thoughts can be dismissed.

It's not practical for us (house,cars, work) I do worry the hormones can make it hard to stop wanting more but you can't just keep collecting them can you

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 30/01/2017 09:34

I have four DS's aged 4-13, and would possibly gone for number five has my cancer diagnosis when ds4 was 13mths put paid to that. I've always wanted a big family, and still think about what it would be like to have a fifth. (Although realise how lucky I am with my boys)

justgivemethepinot · 30/01/2017 09:57

I have 2 and happily sticking with that. There was a brief time when I considered a third but then I hit my personal 'cut off point' age of 35 and that was that.

Threelittlerobins · 30/01/2017 10:56

I'm pregnant with our third. Three or four was always the plan but three is our limit financially and I'm fine with that.

After we had a boy and girl we had lots of comments about how we now had the perfect family and didn't need any more Hmm I almost managed to convince myself they were right but it felt like someone was missing and I would have been sad if DC3 didn't happen. I didn't feel done at all.

We have recently moved so have a big enough house, big enough car and I'm a stay at home mum already so I don't think it will take a lot of adjustment.

I have spoken to lots of people with 3 children and most have said the jump from 0-1 or 1-2 children is much harder than going from 2-3. That's what I'm hoping but I'm sure we'll manage just fine.

Craigie · 30/01/2017 11:58

3 is the perfect number. You can fit them in a "normal" size car.

thesockgap · 30/01/2017 20:22

My main deciding factor was that I wanted a third baby!!

I already had 2 boys and didn't necessarily want a girl, I just wanted a 3rd child!!

(Number 3 was also a boy, btw)

Stopandlook · 30/01/2017 20:25

We both were one of three, it just seemed that a third would make our family feel complete. It did - definitely don't want a 4th!

Finance and logistics didn't come into it. It's a struggle with older ones activities + nursery fees but will get better soon.

ragdoll700 · 30/01/2017 21:07

We have 2 DD's we have just made the decision to try again for a third having had a miscarriage last year, ideally Id love 2 more but I'm 38 so this one will prob be our last. (and no I dont mind the gender of the baby would love a son but would not mind another daughter the 2 I have are fab :) )

heedee · 30/01/2017 21:11

I have 2 daughters. Most of the time I think it is perfect but sometimes - just sometimes - my family doesn't feel quite complete because I wanted 3. Sticking with 2 though for so many reasons!

Funnyfarmer · 30/01/2017 21:17

I have 2 dd's with 10 year age gap and always wanted two with a close age gap. I had a close age gap with my dbs and have lots great memories of our antics together and wanted that for my dc's my youngest is 6 now so again I've left it to late for a close age gap. I'm only 33 but I've been a mother for 16 years now so do feel like I'm abit to old now. Would love to adopt one who's a closer age to my already existing dc's

Givemestrengthorwine · 30/01/2017 21:36

My ds was 10 and dd was 8 when i had dd2. The age gap was great. The older two always fought but would/will do anything for the little one. My dh had said one of each was enough, and we couldnt have anything different!!!! (lol - whoops!) DD2 is just a real combination of the other two, in looks, personality and ways.
I would say if you want one, have one! Dont live with regrets. Xx

PutDownThatLaptop · 30/01/2017 21:49

I had 2 DS and they were 9 and 13. I remarried and had a little girl.

Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo · 30/01/2017 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

123bananas · 30/01/2017 21:57

I was 11 weeks pregnant when I found out, I was still breastfeeding dd2 and hadn't had a period.

Interestingly dd1 told me I had a baby in my tummy and it was a boy when I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I of course dismissed this as the ramblings of a 3 year old until I found out. When ds was born dd1 was 4.5, dd2 22 months.

kippersandcurtains · 30/01/2017 22:12

We always had three in mind. Had two DSs within 17 months of each other - tough first year with them both but then they became great mates & life got pretty easy with two lovely lads both out of nappies, into the same things etc. We decided to go for number 3 when ds2 turned 3yrs and we now have our beautiful baby girl. Complete. No more thank you.

3luckystars · 30/01/2017 22:12

I think the more you have, the more you want.

ToastOfLondon · 30/01/2017 22:38

I think the more you have, the more you want

😂 You're kidding, right? Wink

3luckystars · 30/01/2017 22:40

Yes Grin

ToastOfLondon · 30/01/2017 22:44
Grin
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 30/01/2017 23:13

I think I'd agree with the more you have the more you want.

Grilledaubergines · 30/01/2017 23:20

For me 1 child is ideal, 2 at a big push.

angiebabes2k · 31/01/2017 01:29

The jump from 2 to 3 is huge. I have 3. Not just the cost or the workload. It's the extra room, at home and we're limited to caravan, camping or villa holidays unless you wasn't to fork out for that extra hotel room. I've had to say goodbye to all inclusive holidays Sad I wouldn't be without them but I'd say if space and money aren't an issue then go for it

LoupGarou · 31/01/2017 01:53

We have just one, and it took a lot to get him - multiple stillbirths, late miscarriages and more. Both DH and I only ever wanted one child, and neither of us have ever felt any differently. DS is three now, and for us life with one is perfect Smile

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