Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

What is the ideal number of children? What was your main deciding factor in having a third?!

135 replies

EyesOfBlue · 29/01/2017 12:30

AIBU to ask this?

Totally unscientific of course! I just wondered what people perceive to be as the ideal number of children to have!

I've one of each, boy and girl, but keep thinking I'd love just one more!

Does the desire to experience pregnancy and newborn stage again fade over time. My children are aged 2 and 4!

Sensible part of me says that two children is lefty especially as they get older and more activities, school etc to contend with. can't bear to part with my buggy

Sorry for the ramble!

OP posts:

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 29/01/2017 18:38

I have Ds an Dd. I haven't had that feeling yet that my family is complete. Dh also says we are too young to say a definite no to more DC. I think I would regret it if I didn't have more.

LegoLady95 · 29/01/2017 18:40

I also agree that 0-1 was by far the hardest! 1-2 was OK because the eldest was only 1 himself so no school runs, clubs etc. I even got them napping at the same time and it didn't matter if we were still in pj's at 11am (until I went back to work of course!). 2-3 was hard because of school, pre school etc.

EmeraldIsland · 29/01/2017 18:44

Before dc, we decided we'd like four.

We had ds1 and ds2 and decided we were done when ds2 was a baby and never changed our minds.

Now we're expecting ds3 in May when ds's will be 9 and 7. Totally unplanned and one hell of a shock (happened even though i'm on the pill AND we use condoms AND it was a random time of the month that was nowhere near when I should have been fertile ). Initially I was upset and it took weeks to get used to it. Now, as time has gone on, we're all excited about it and i'm getting the broody/can't wait for baby feelings I never thought i'd have this time!

Anyway, after this one dh is going for the snip so 3 will be it. I'm slightly sad for dh as he always wanted a girl and had an image of him walking his daughter down the aisle which won't happen now. But 3 is enough for anyone and I don't want to risk getting suddenly broody in my early 40's and having a 20+ year age gap between the oldest and youngest!

Daisypopslop · 29/01/2017 18:50

We had 2 DS 2 years apart. The amount of comments I got about needing to have a DD was unreal very rude and upsetting. Even strangers in the street. If you have 1 of each you are seen as done, if not the pressure is on you. I come from a boy girl family and know my mother was rather smug about her one of each then done set up!

Luckily we had always planned to have 3 so we had a third. Family complete and very happy. 3 is more expensive and difficult though! But nobody ever suggests having a third now as 3 is seen as far too many and greedy. Honestly you can't win!

KC225 · 29/01/2017 18:54

I had IVF twins one week before my 43rd birthday. Whilst pregnant I couldn't imagine wanting more but once I had them I desperately wanted another. My DH said 'are you nuts?' Had I have been five years younger I would have fought harder for it. I gave myself till 45 as a natural cut off but it didn't happen. But I have two amazing and wonderful children, a third would have been nice but not necessary for our little family

Grittyshunts · 29/01/2017 19:03

We have 3 and definitely aren't having anymore. We thought we were done with one of each, 2.5 years between them then oops, had a third! It's been lovely and the older two are so good with the LO. Mine are DS (14), DD (11) and little DD (3). DH's face was a picture when I told him we were expecting number 3 and we are all happy, it's lovely having all of them. (NO MORE for us)

Mol1628 · 29/01/2017 19:04

I always said I wanted three.

Had our first and we said no more. But I did change my mind, not broody as such just knew it was the right thing for us

I'm so glad we have our youngest, he's perfect and had been a delightfully easy baby, but I'm not going for number 3.

The stress of having children has taken its toll on our relationship and I would like the time to rebuild it, it's just starting to get better now youngest is almost two. Still bloody hard though.

Grittyshunts · 29/01/2017 19:14

for mol

smilingsarahb · 29/01/2017 19:17

I think 4 is the best number but I only have 2 due to health and finances. More health. 3 always looks like 2 v 1

iMatter · 29/01/2017 19:19

We had 2 ridiculously close together.

I found tiny babies hard work. If I'd found it easier I would have had at least 4.

Familyof3or4 · 29/01/2017 19:23

I'm currently pregnant with our third.
We though about it and decided that we would never regret having another, but might regret not.
I will cherish every baby moment and breastfeed with this one as the last

Babyroobs · 29/01/2017 19:25

We have 4 and it's too many . Obviously I love them all but it's exhausting especially as the last was born when I was 38. The sheer amounts of washing/ ironing / trying to help with homework/ ferrying them around to after school events is enormous not to mention the amount of hours we both need to work to afford to give them what they need.

WyfOfBathe · 29/01/2017 19:40

I have a stepdaughter and a biological daughter. There's a five year age gap between them so we've never had two in nappies, or a double buggy. I would like another two but practically probably just one more. I'm not sure what age gap I would aim for between DD2 and any future DC - but definitely not yet as she's only 6 weeks old.

Justalittlelemondrizzle · 29/01/2017 20:35

We have two dd's. They were born very close together in my early 20s so we had the luxury of time to have more. But we decided two was plenty for us. Financially and as a family. We were never bothered about having one of each and it never crossed our minds to try for a boy. I've always said that I can only hold two little people's hands at once. And I always thought 3 kids would he messy with regards to choosing cars, planning holidays and silly little things like usually only getting 4 ice creams in a box.
I think there are lots of different factors in deciding how many children to have in different families, money, time, jobs, childcare. What is right for one family might not be for another. It's a personal decision but no one should have more children than they can comfortably afford.

TheTartOfAsgard · 29/01/2017 20:53

I have two, dd13 and ds11.5. Always said it was enough but ds2 is due in June.

Oly5 · 29/01/2017 21:01

I want three! Have one of each.
All children are bad for the environment so I think that's a rubbish argument - don't have any if you feel so strongly about it.
I am definitely not done

wigglesrock · 29/01/2017 21:03

I've 3 - I'm the eldest of two and I always wanted to have more than two kids if I had children. It was just my own family dynamic I think - the two of us were quite close in age, I always felt that having another sibling would have diluted the - intensity is probably the wrong word but it felt a bit claustrophobic growing up with just one sibling. My husband is one of three (the awkward middle one ) and he wanted three too.

Racheyg · 29/01/2017 21:09

I have 2 ds. 3 1/2 and 21 month old.

It's very changeling, and oh has said no more. I wouldn't mind a third, but I think my oh sanity is worth more.

We're getting married next year, I have said maybe after the wedding we could have a talk but I do know what his answer will be

Thirtyrock39 · 29/01/2017 21:15

I have three but think two is easier all round- childcare is a fortune with three , it's too many often for friends and family to have all three at once, in the pre school phase another baby doesn't seem too hard but our third is way younger than our friends children and still now is the difficult, demanding one at social events (we always have to leave first) and I often feel a bit jealous of friends with two who have loads of one on one time with each and can afford to do more with their kids. Kids also gang up 2 against 1 a lot

chanie44 · 29/01/2017 21:18

I always wanted two and we have two. People have have said that we don't have to have any more, as we have one of each, but I never wanted more than two anyway.

I'm late 30s and OH is mid 40s, so age is a factor. Our youngest is 4 and just in school and we feel like things are getting a bit easier - no more private nursery fees, sleepless nights etc.

Cosmicglitterpug · 29/01/2017 21:19

We want three. 3.4 and 23 month old at the moment. So just kind of waiting for the 'right time'. Initially I thought 4, but I think it might just be too much emotionally. I'll see how I feel after 3...

Aoibhe · 29/01/2017 21:27

We have 3. 99% sure we're done but dither every now and then. I'm approaching 35 so I think that might be what's making me think about another, in case time is running out.
4 just wouldn't be practical at all; emotionally, financially, or fair on the others.
I found the first 6-12 months with 3 very hard but it all fell into place then.

elQuintoConyo · 29/01/2017 21:30

We have one by choice. It was the right choice for us. He is now 5yo and has the energy and presence of a tree full of monkeys

I have zero wish to go through pregnancy, birth and the newborn stage again. It was all beyond frightening.

We have a dog.

felinewonderful · 29/01/2017 21:32

I just knew that I wasn't done after 2 and that I wanted a third. I have days that are hard but I actually found 1 to 2 harder than 2 to 3. My eldest is 10 though so quite a gap which for me makes it easier. I know that I am definitely finished at 3, no more!

2rebecca · 29/01/2017 21:35

I am one of 3 and although we get on now as kids we fought constantly and no one wanted to sit in the middle on car trips. I vowed never to have more than 2 kids. I have 4 with step kids now adult but just 2 kids each and our exes haven't had more kids with new partners either as their new partners had 2 kids each as well

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread