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Original poster

What is the ideal number of children? What was your main deciding factor in having a third?!

135 replies

EyesOfBlue · 29/01/2017 12:30

AIBU to ask this?

Totally unscientific of course! I just wondered what people perceive to be as the ideal number of children to have!

I've one of each, boy and girl, but keep thinking I'd love just one more!

Does the desire to experience pregnancy and newborn stage again fade over time. My children are aged 2 and 4!

Sensible part of me says that two children is lefty especially as they get older and more activities, school etc to contend with. can't bear to part with my buggy

Sorry for the ramble!

OP posts:
mumtomaxwell · 29/01/2017 21:39

We had twins first (they're 8 now) and just as things got 'easier' I got pregnant again! We always said we'd like 2 or possibly 3... and our family is definitely complete at 3 DCs!!

WhooooAmI24601 · 29/01/2017 21:41

We have 2 boys age 11 and 6. I'd have liked another but was unwell last year and can't have more. So two is perfect for us. Now that DS2 is 6 I can't imagine going back to the baby years; it seems such a distant memory.

Lots of people judge and say "are you trying for more" or "surely your family is complete". It's nobody's business but your own. You do what's right for your family, that's all anyone can do.

Strubo · 29/01/2017 21:48

We were done with 2. Have a DD (11) & DS (7) and am now 7 months pregnant with a very unexpected no. 3!

It's taking DH a while to get to grips with the idea of going back to the baby days again as things were obviously a lot easier in some respects, I'm excited now I have my head round it and as I've got such a big gap between DD and what will be DS2 I'm hoping she will be a good help to me!

Strubo · 29/01/2017 21:49

This is definitely the last one though! One of us will be getting sorted after this one arrives!

Sabsy1 · 29/01/2017 21:50

I have just 1, even though I always thought I would have more than 1, I wouldn't dream of having anymore. I hated being so huge (full of water) during the pregnancy, I had a complicated birth and now I have a tornado of a toddler! No more for me!

Sabsy1 · 29/01/2017 21:50

I have just 1, even though I always thought I would have more than 1, I wouldn't dream of having anymore. I hated being so huge (full of water) during the pregnancy, I had a complicated birth and now I have a tornado of a toddler! No more for me!

Suzietwo · 29/01/2017 21:53

I have 4 aged 6 months, 2, 5 and 7. I found one baby amazing. Totally portable and easy. 1-2 was a shock and tricky. They were 22 months apart so we waited a bit longer and there are 2.5 years between 2 and 3. Number 3 was a hard baby and circumstances in our family were difficult when he was born. Then we just cracked on with 4th. There's the same age gap between 3 and 4 as there was between 1 and 2 and which I found so hard at the time. I don't find it difficult now.

My observations on having babies is (1) you're not making it more painful - just prolonging the pain for longer (2) you never get the specialness of number 1 again and (3) pregnancy is always shit

2ducks2ducklings · 29/01/2017 21:55

We have two, one of each. They're nearly 12 and nearly 9 and were trying for number three. I'm kicking myself for leaving it so long.
My reasoning is that neither me or my husband feel that were finished. We want a big family around us. I know we'd never regret having another, but we could potentially regret not having another if we didn't at least try.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/01/2017 22:03

I wanted four, and had four. b/g/b/g. No one could understand us have dc3 when we already had a boy and a girl... so I would assume from that that one of each is the 'ideal', though it made no difference for my need for the last two.

Suzietwo · 29/01/2017 22:04

And why....?
I'm one of 5 and he's one of three so both used to the concept. We made big changes to our life (moved out of London and changed the way we worked) so might as well make those changes worthwhile. I like chaos. Hormones etc. I knew I wanted a large family and was gutted by the section I had with first baby. Really fucked with my head. I remember talking to the midwife and she reassured me you could have lots of sections these days. Just as well as I needed 4

splendidglenda · 29/01/2017 22:10

Three DS's here. Large age gaps. Hard work but nothing is forever. Just knew our family wasn't complete. DS3 kind of knits us together. Definitely positive to go with your gut feeling. If you know, then you just know!

inlectorecumbit · 29/01/2017 22:13

I never really gave it much thought until l was told that l probably should stop at 2 for health reasons. We had DD1 and DS then l had multiple miscarriages and a diagnosed autoimmune disease. It became almost a mission that l was going to have another DC. So after a very rocky pregnancy DD2 was born and subsequently l had a dreadful 1st year. In hindsight I probably had been very selfish in my quest for DD2 as l put my own life at risk and gave no thought as to my other DC's.
However we are all just fine and l did stop at 3 Grin

Isadora2007 · 29/01/2017 22:17

I originally wanted 8 (as a teen) then once I had one I wanted four. But exH decided after one he was done. I was gutted. I begged and pleaded for number two and negotiated her so we were done with one of each. I came to accept that and once dd was out of the babystage it was fine and I was happy with two. When I remarried we decided to ttc and succeeded. So I now have my four children that I believe were meant for me. Age 4, 7, 16 and 19. Youngest and eldest are boys.

FourToTheFloor · 29/01/2017 22:41

Do people really believe that tripe 'I'd never regret a dc' Confused Because I know a few people who've regretted dc2 and (quite a few) dc3. Of course you'd never be without one of your dc but you most definitely can regret having more.

I live in London and I'd say 2 is the ideal to ensure you can a) afford them and b) house them.

A pp said you never get the special time with dc1 again and she's right but I have almost 5 years between my 2 and it meant I almost got it back which was good enough for me Smile

dimdommilpot · 29/01/2017 22:52

We have 2 DDs. I always thought i wanted 3 but now I dont. I am more than happy with my 2.

Ohyesiam · 29/01/2017 23:04

It depends on how many you can afford to put through uni.....

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 29/01/2017 23:06

I've one of each. Totally decided no more, hubby agreed.

They are now grown up, I wish I could have given my daughter a sister.

Although being sensible, if I'd gone on to have more kids there'd be no guarantees of another girl and another boy (if he'd been like my 1st and a non sleeper like my dd would have killed me).

The combination of having an extremely busy 1st followed by a dd who didn't sleep a full week until the age of 7 (yes, really!) completely put me off having more.

Iwannasnack · 29/01/2017 23:07

This is so interesting. I always wanted 2 and now have 2. One of each. But I absolutely hate that dc2 is growing up and not a tiny baby any more. The reality is I know we're done but as a pp said that squidgy newborn feeling is addictive...

Keeptrudging · 29/01/2017 23:14

I had 2, and had resigned myself to never having any more/being single forever. Then I met my lovely DH and he brought 2 wonderful SC into my life. I know I didn't give birth to them and will never be their mother, but I love them dearly and my 'family' feels complete with 4.

ModreB · 29/01/2017 23:17

I have 3, the same sex but I would have had at least 5 if circumstances had been different. Not because I was looking for another gender, but each one is so individual and brilliant in their own right.

JellyWitch · 29/01/2017 23:39

DH and I are both one of three. Sticking at two ourselves though for financial and sanity reasons and because, much as I would love another newborn, the toddler years and the continued lack of sleep would break me and put the final nail in the career coffin.

Plus we already have a child with some mild medical issues and I wouldn't want to tempt fate and end up with a worse situation.

SansComic · 30/01/2017 04:54

We have 2. The major consideration was money. We're comfortable with 1.25 salaries saved per month, 2 at public school and that kind of thing. It would be very different with three children though.

I also agree with logistics and getting two children where they need to be is manageable for 2 adults but much harder with three. Also things like most cars work well with up to 4 people / adults, family tickets are for 2+2 etc.

Aebj · 30/01/2017 05:08

Before children we wanted 3.
I now have 2 ds.
Ds2 was born with heart problems ( all ok now but spent 6 mths in hospital). We have check ups regularly and his pacemaker will have to be changed within a year or 2. He's also austic.
He put the end to wanting anymore children !!!

doggle · 30/01/2017 05:27

We have 3. Like aebj, we had a permanent contraceptive baby. Dc3 was brain damaged at birth due to hypoxia and has cerebral palsy. With three under 4 including one with my brain damage, dh couldn't get himself in for the snip fast enough - there was just no time, or emotional capacity to fit in another child, plus at the time the consultants were still hedging their bets about the cause. The vasectomy was done and dusted within three months of her birth. Without the whole brain damage thing, we probably would have had a few more. That said, people do go on to have more kids after having children with disabilities (I did briefly look into vasectomy reversal when dd2 was about 6 or 7 but dh point blank refused Grin) but with three and not being 100% certain about the cause, we felt the vasectomy was sensible.
It's a pain in the arse for holidays (accommodation is always 2 plus 2 kids), but other than that it works well enough. It's pretty busy. There's not much of me leftover at the end of the week.

swimmerforlife · 30/01/2017 06:28

We have two DS, one is nearly 4 and the other is 16 months. DH wants a third (he's one of 3), I want to stick at 2 for population, financial and career reasons. I feel done, I have no desire to have a third (or a dd).

Never say never, if I was to have a third (and thats a very big if), I would wait until DS2 starts school. But I'm an only and already struggle dealing with what fair, I'm dreading the sibling rivalry / arguments as they get older.

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