To worry about having a baby as an older mum?

[sealswithwhiskers]

I am 36 today.

Realistically if I ever have a baby I'll be at least 37.

My mum had me at 35. I've never thought of any age to be "too old" to have a child, as it's none of my business but for me I'm wondering.

My mum used to tell me about her childhood in the 50s and her adolescence in the 60s and it just all felt completely remote, like another era. She struggled to understand or identify with any of my concerns or worries - everything was dismissed as I was lucky to have what she didn't. She was so old fashioned. Although I was born in 1981 I had a childhood more akin to a child born in 1971. School photos show me with my hair in plaits wearing a fussy dress. Sixties music played in the car.

I don't know what I'm saying here but I suppose I'm worried that my experiences of a little girl in the 80s and a 90s teenager and young adult in the 00s might seem as remote to my child as my mum was to me. I didn't have a great relationship with her though so it's probably more that. Can anyone put my mind at rest?

if I could just shrug and smile brightly and move on from my youth, I would. I really would.

I don't think that anyone with a grain of empathy would expect you to
But you can get help with understanding your experiences and how they affect you, therefore lessening the impact on how you parent in the future, or how you feel about parenting.

You cannot go back and change the past, but you can affect your future.

Thank you @stubbornstaines

Age really is only a number. Yes being an older mum/parents you run the risk of not being alive when your chiid is older

But I'm also a member of way. Widowed and young. Many members on there who partners died and therefore children grow up without a parent

As I'm older then I like and df 49 sadly bubs will only have one gp. My mum and both df parents dead but that's life sadly

Don't let your childhood put you off having kids

Maybe you aren't sure you want kids as if you did then age wouldn't matter to you

Happy Birthday Seals 🎂🍾

I had my first at 41 and second at 44 - not planned just turned out that way. I tell them about my childhood in the 60s - the first time we had a phone in the house instead of on the street corner, the TV stuck together with Sellotape and the TV remote being well er me actually. They roll their eyes and tell me I'm old but we have a good laugh about it. I like to think that the fact I have had a lot of life experience makes me wise and less judgmental. They share their fashion, interests and music with me and that grows my bubble. Mainly though, being in your children's corner and loving them does not depend on your age.

Willowkins, nice to read that. I'm 40 & feel that I may have left it too late... My mum had me at 22, we're very close. She's vocal with her concerns about me having a baby at my age. I'll keep trying but if nothing happens, I won't pursue fertility treatment. If I was a younger woman, I would. So yes, age is a factor for me.

Oh, mine call me 'ooooold' too all time!

I think a year or 2 ago DS2(then 11) did the maths and realised that I was 10-15 years older than many of his friends' mums.
So I told him that yes, this was true, but the alternative to having him would have been to not have him.... since then it's been a bit of a running joke in this house and his friends like me

Having said that, mum openly admits that she didn't have a clue when bringing us up. Reckons she was far too young! So it all depends on the parent, I guess...

My mum had me later in life - early 40s. I'm mid-40s now and she died in 1999. We got on very well, she said I kept her young, but she had old fashioned views as well and I felt the affect of having older parents
. I know my they tried for years to conceive as they got married over 10 years before I was born. I didn't want to have kids late and I was lucky to have 2 in my early 30s, but whose to say what I would've done if we also struggled to have a baby or if I hadn't met dh in my 20s.

Family of older mums here - both my grandmothers had their children in late 30s, early 40s (war got in the way....). They were farmer's wife's, running the farms on their own for years and consequently old and not healthy anymore. There was not a great connection to the kids.
My mother had me in her mid thirties, we have a great connection. In her 70s now she looks like 50, is super active and very modern.
I had my first son at 35, now due second baby any moment at 39. So far no problems :)
It depends on the generation (the war generation was old at 50 - this is not the case anymore), and the person (my aunt had her older daughter in her early 20s -there is no connection between them. She had her son much late in her mid 30s, and they have a great connection).