Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at sister and mother?

125 replies

DebussyHead · 27/01/2017 20:47

I'm abroad on long weekend with DH for a special occasion. Asked DM to have kids whilst we were away which she agreed to do as long as my sister helped out. Kids are 6 and 4. We left Wednesday night back Sunday. Kids have in school thurs and fri.
Find out that DSis invited a new man she met on tinder to dinner at my house on thurs night. They met 14 days ago and she really likes him. She never mentioned that he was coming or would be meeting my kids.

Just found out he stayed overnight too with my kids and mum in the house. DH is furious. He has told DM over Skype and there has been a big fall out. DM and DSis think they have done nothing wrong and we are overreacting. I don't know this man from Adam. AIBU?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 28/01/2017 08:21

How stressful for you. I think you were brave to go abroad and leave your children. not to mention lucky as dh and I have no one who would ever do this for us You made an error of judgement trusting these people. Your children are safe. Lesson learnt.

monkeymamma · 28/01/2017 08:23

If they have form for this sort of thing why on earth did you leave them with them??

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 28/01/2017 08:26

Ok I can see you are furious and your sister was very inappropriate. However I can't go away for five nights with my husband because we have no one who could look after the children. So whilst I can see you are furious your mum didn't sound overly enthusiastic about having your children for five days and weekends away are not a right when you have a child you managed to go because your family said they would help.

NormaSmuff · 28/01/2017 08:28

yabu and precious
your sister is a grown up,
why shouldnt they have him to stay?

are you worried about your dc's?
if you are going to be concerned about them you need to be concerned about All of them.

gazingatthestars · 28/01/2017 09:16

Mega - she put her kids and home in that situation by leaving them with her irresponsible sister!! Yes the sister (and mother) was wrong but I'm pretty sure this wasn't completely out of character for them. If you go away leave them with someone you KNOW you can trust. In this instance the op says her dad.

diddl · 28/01/2017 09:21

"why shouldnt they have him to stay?"

I would agree with that if it was their house that the kids were staying in.

Tbh though if the person I asked to look after my kids couldn't cope without help then I wouldn't be going away for a long weekend.

KarmaNoMore · 28/01/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 28/01/2017 09:43

Can we just remind ourselves of the OP...
She asked her mother, who in turn roped in the dsis.

The dsis was only in on this for the jolly, or worse she knew she was going to invite bloke back to op house when the kids were there and it was all pre-planned.

Would dsis have had this bloke to stay at the parents house?

I'd never allow either DM or sis to care for the kids again. I'd also never allow either of them to use my home again.

They have absolutely obliterated the boundaries here.

NormaSmuff · 28/01/2017 09:46

so she invited him to stay for dinner?
do you mind that?
do you mind that he stayed over? perhaps they all wanted a drink, perhaps the roads were too icy to drive on.
your DM and your DS made a decision to let him stay.
do you know where he slept? do you mind?

KinkyAfro · 28/01/2017 09:54

I love it that people are now blaming the OP for going away. Fuck off

gazingatthestars · 28/01/2017 10:18

Ah thé sweary messages from the uncouth and those that think others shouldn't have different opinions to them... [slow clap] great contribution to the thread kinky...
Not for going away -for being so entitled that they think they are entitled to go away without arranging trustworthy, willing and reliable supervision for their kids. Her mum didn't want to look after them in the first place and said so but the op went anyway!

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 28/01/2017 10:33

your dsis was totally out of order doing this

I cant imagine going to care for my nieces while DB and SIL were away, and then having a random man I had met two weeks previously over for a fuck. Its just so disrespectful and distasteful, is she so desperate she cant wait a few days.

MIL and SIL were not forced to look after the op's dc, they agreed to do it and have behaved appallingly, they would not be trusted again

Original poster
DebussyHead · 28/01/2017 12:09

"Not for going away -for being so entitled that they think they are entitled to go away without arranging trustworthy, willing and reliable supervision for their kids."

Gazing how am I being entitled? DM has looked after my kids many times often with my DSis in tow to keep her company. Never had a problem before. They both adore the kids and always say wish could see more of them. Allowing us a 4 day weekend away for my DH 40th birthday is hardly a crazy entitled idea! I said they had form for being victims and never saying sorry not that they had form for being unreliable. That's what makes DM judgement so shocking. In fact my in laws offered to have kids but DM said no she wanted to look after them! She just likes my sis to come for the company and cos sis is unemployed and bored at parents house otherwise. Kids love their aunt so I thought why not two pair of hands better than one. Had no idea about tinder man or I would have found alternative.

Anyway thanks all for your views it's really good to get other's perspectives.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 28/01/2017 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FearTheLiving · 28/01/2017 12:21

I'd be mildly irritated that they hadn't told me but other than that I wouldn't really be that bothered.

SeaCabbage · 28/01/2017 12:29

YANBU - that would really worry me too.

Why would your sister think that inviting a new man round to spend the evening with her mother and nephews/nieces would be a good idea? Confused. That is a bonkers date!

If she was that desperate, couldn't your mother have coped for one night on her own?

Weird all round.

ems137 · 28/01/2017 12:44

I would be furious! A stranger in YOUR home overnight without your kids there is bad enough but she's taking the absolute biscuit here! I would never have them at my house again and it would take me quite a while to calm down tbh.

After my mum died there was just my DSis and 15 year old DB in the house for a short period of time. My DB called me one night quite distressed as he felt very uncomfortable that there was a stranger in the house. He knew it was DSis boyfriend but he was still a stranger. Once I moved I I told her her bf (or any friends) couldn't stay over after 9pm because I didn't feel comfortable strangers being in the house whilst we, and my children slept.

KinkyAfro · 28/01/2017 12:58

I'm not uncouth gazing just fed up of victim blaming, now take your superior attitude with you when you fuck off

gazingatthestars · 28/01/2017 13:29

Kinky she's not a victim! She's just buggered off on holiday leaving her family to care for her kids when they didn't want to!

scardeyy · 28/01/2017 13:31

She is so unreasonable.

Lives at home at 30 says it all.

YouHadMeAtCake · 28/01/2017 13:36

It seems that gazing is either reading different posts or is in fact just being goady.

QueenArseClangers · 28/01/2017 13:45

Did they shag in your bed as well?

Don't want the seaman leaving semen on your sheets!

gazingatthestars · 28/01/2017 13:51

You had me - not goady - I genuinely would never ever impose on my family expecting them to look after my kids for 5 days whilst I jetted on holiday!!

gazingatthestars · 28/01/2017 13:53

Just a different opinion - isn't that what mn is for or are we all expected to say the same thing?

scottishdiem · 28/01/2017 14:06

isn't that what mn is for

Yes but on the topic at hand. You've gone all judgemental based on your own narrow minded view on something that wasn't the issue. Unless your actual argument is that that OP should not worry about random people staying with her kids and family members romping in her house solely because she isn't there and meeting your standards?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.