To be upset at sister and mother?

[DebussyHead]

I'm abroad on long weekend with DH for a special occasion. Asked DM to have kids whilst we were away which she agreed to do as long as my sister helped out. Kids are 6 and 4. We left Wednesday night back Sunday. Kids have in school thurs and fri.
Find out that DSis invited a new man she met on tinder to dinner at my house on thurs night. They met 14 days ago and she really likes him. She never mentioned that he was coming or would be meeting my kids.

Just found out he stayed overnight too with my kids and mum in the house. DH is furious. He has told DM over Skype and there has been a big fall out. DM and DSis think they have done nothing wrong and we are overreacting. I don't know this man from Adam. AIBU?

I'd be fucking livid!

YANBU

Glad your Dad has come and taken over, I would seriously reconsider allowing your Sister or Mother to watch your children alone again. Ever. Totally irresponsible.

Gazing, if you agree to look after two small children, would you seriously expect that your needs must come above theirs? No-one forced OP's mother to agree, but having done so it's surely reasonable to expect her to prioritise their safety above her daughter's wish for a shag?

This is truly awful. How stupid can you get!

I agree with OP, bloody outrageous.

My DB did similar to me some years back, though at least I was in the house. He was staying with us while he looked for work in the area, DD was 2 and I was 8 months pg. DBro went out on the lash one night, got blitzed and decided to sneak in the random woman he had hooked up with in town at 2am. To his bedroom right next to my DD. Woke the whole house up stumbling up the stairs.

I came out of my room and gave them both barrels. He had never met her before that evening, she could have been a burglar or child trafficker for all he knew.

DB flounced off next day and I didn't try to talk him out of it.

I'd be livid too.

Just think it sounds like the op badgered the sister into watching them when she wasn't that keen. Yes the sister was irresponsible but they weren't her kids - op remains responsible but was larking around in another country. Stay at home or take them with you next time op - you can't expect other people to raise your kids the way you would- look after them yourself

Greenfingeredfun. But if you had a brother whose new girlfriend stayed over...? Would that be okay?

No because not all child abusers are men. Not all thieves are men. Not all raving lunatics are men. After 14 you just dont know enough about someone to invite them to sleep over at someone else's house with their kids. Not to mention the example its setting the kids around casual relationships.

If they needed to have sex that badly they should have paid for a room

Just think it sounds like the op badgered the sister into watching them when she wasn't that keen.

If she's old enough to be having casual sex with strangers she's old enough to say no DSis, I can't prioritise anything over my orgasm )althp not hopeful if he can't even deice a screen).

Yes the sister was irresponsible but they weren't her kids - op remains responsible but was larking around in another country

DM and DSis were responsible for them whilst they were under their care. That's like saying of you get a babysitter for the night and she gets high on pot and sells the family puppy it's your own fault. Or if they're in nursery and the nursery nurse smacks them its your fault. Or they're in school and they trip down the stairs its your fault for not home schooling them.
It was one night of probably mediocre sex vs respecting her sisters house and potentially the welfare of everyone in the house.

Stay at home or take them with you next time op - you can't expect other people to raise your kids the way you would- look after them yourself
Having them for 5 days isnt raising them. Bringing strange men back for sex to your sisters house is disrespectful, not something only parents should know.

be dangerous,or mentally ill,

OP I completely agree with you but seriously wtf?

Mental illness and being dangerous are completely different things.

I'm mentally ill considering I work with the vulnerable I don't think anyone classes me as dangerous

Well I hope not anyway.

He is in navy and stays in shared barracks. Apparently his windscreen was frosted up so my mum said he should just stay over.

No. He has told your DSis he is 'in the navy' - could be true but equally may be utter BS. On account of him being a randomer she met on an app a fortnight ago.

I would be livid OP so not surprised you are. And whoever the PP is with a bit between their teeth about this being fine and if you don't like it then it's somehow your 'fault' for having the temerity to leave your DC in the safe care of your DM, frankly they need to give their head a wobble and their fingers a rest

I'm so sorry they have let you down so badly, please try and enjoy the rest of your break now you know this stranger is out of your house (not a sentence I'd ever have imagined writing.... Truly frickin outrageous )

Yes it seems if you're mentally ill you could be a danger to kids
Yanbu, it's the cheek of her bringing him back to your own house!

Yeah, that's not on.

Surprised at the posters that think it's no big deal, or somehow your fault.

Wonder if that poster is the sis on a sex rest?

Well, totally against the grain here. Your sister had someone overnight, your kids were also there. So what. The kids won't put two and two together, just another person in their lives. Sorry but yabu in my mind.

chit who could have cased the joint, stole the jewellery or worse. This wasn't her great love, it was a randomer off Tinder. Even without the kids I'd be peeved

Definitely agree with everyone else...YANBU! My sister brought round someone she met online (We live with my parents) to meet my parents and I kept my kids away from him. You get protective over your kids and have every right to be. X

To those PP offended about the mentality ill part, put it like this "all thumbs are fingers but not all fingers are thumbs". No not all people with mental health problems are dangerous/violent, but some with mental health problems are due to their illness. I suffer with depression and know exactly what OP meant. No matter how low the possibility that he could have been dangerous is, does not mean there is no chance.

Momma gee - no im just a normal mum who would go away for 5 days expecting someone else to look after her kids and then complain they hadn't done it to the same standard that I would do.
This wouldn't have happened if she hadn't have left them - yes you are responsible for who you leave them with. You most know your sister and know she has a tendency to be irresponsible but you didn't care and wanted your holiday anyway. If you know your dad is sensible then a better option would have been to leave them staying at his house. If that doesn't work - then don't go away!!!

Wouldn't not would obviously - sorry my kids are jumping on me. I haven't left them to go on holiday then moaned the unpaid babysitter was doing it wrong.

I see where everyone's coming from,but I agree with stopfuckingshouting that the fact people think it so dangerous reflects an idea about how dangerous people are generally. It's not as if one in four random strangers are traffickers or child abusers. The discomfort is high but the actual risk is really low. And with the criminals -- most murders and rapes and abuse of children is done by people the victims knew for years. Knowing someone for more than 14 days may not make them safer in a situation like this, but just gives us the feeling it safer.

Gazing, do you seriously not understand the difference between failing to look after a child to the same standards, and putting that child and indeed someone else's home at risk?

Cordelia, I normally think people on MN are far too risk averse, but even I think bringing a stranger into someone else's house and into overnight proximity to their children purely because you want a shag is a bridge too far.

To be honest I would be furious if my dB was house sitting without my dds being there and brought someone back to my house without telling me, even if it was one of his friends I know.

Even if I had on of ds friends for a sleep over, I'd not have my boyf of 6m over, because I'm in a position of responsibility with someone else's child

It's not that I don't trust boyf, far from it, but I'm looking after someone else's child, it's not my place to make those kinds of decisions when the parent has entrusted ME with their child

I would go ffing ballistic!!! Your sister has invited a bloke she doesn't know to your house, that's unacceptable even without the kids being there, it wasn't part of the deal at all.

And yes, this was planned. Utterly planned.

Add in the fact that it was your house, no permission AND your kids there?

Go nuclear! Fuck what your m and did say, they have putbyou at risk, and your children exposed to a total stranger in their own home. Anything could have happened.

It's recklessly irresponsible.