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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish people were more positive about my baby's name? <kind of serious>

591 replies

Truntscump · 27/01/2017 17:12

DH & I loved the name Luca for a girl throughout my pregnancy. I know it's generally used as a boy's name especially in Italy but her middle name is Rose and I love that it means 'light'.

Anyway, my dear mum very sadly died last summer of Leukaemia and my (usually lovely) Granny (aged 96 and grieving) first said that Luca reminds her of the phrase 'dirty Luca' then a week later she asked if it was too late to change the name beaches it reminds her of Leukaemia.

I was so upset, my baby (3 weeks old) really suits her name and I love that it's a bit different but now I can't stop thinking about the link to Leukaemia :(

OP posts:
reuset · 29/01/2017 11:58

Ok, where are you getting your stats from, booboo? Deborah seems to have dropped an awful lot since last year and the 2016 stats haven't been released yet.

reuset · 29/01/2017 12:03

If it's bounty or somewhere then forget it. Not accurate!

Grin
theothercatpurred · 29/01/2017 12:04

Truntscump I wonder if we know the same Zebedee, btw :)

You couldn't meet a nicer person, he's done really well and his name suits him down to the ground.

I think you need to talk this over with your gran. You're both grieving and you've got a newborn, you must both be emotionally drained.

It's not fair of her to ask you to change the name IMO. There is no real link between Luca and Leukemia. Has she met Luca? Does she know Luca means light? Can you remind her that light is a symbol of positivity, and life force, and when you think of the name it means positive things to you?

I think maybe your gran needs help to get over this way of thinking (which is irrational). Hard to do when you're emotionally drained too, but if you do change the name now, you may be setting yourself up for a lifetime of regret.

BertrandRussell · 29/01/2017 12:13

11 out of 350,000 not unusual????

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 12:14

It was on several sources,i didn't dare use stats from 2015 as I knew you'd get picky at that too Hmm.

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 12:19

There are far more unusual bert Several people on this thread alone know a girl named Luca. One even knows of 3 and this is a very small section of the population obviously.

reuset · 29/01/2017 12:23

It was on several sources,i didn't dare use stats from 2015 as I knew you'd get picky at that too hmm

What sources Grin ONS haven't released the 2016 stats yet, booboo. Not until later this year, and not before the summer. How have you got your hands on the data? You haven't is the answer.
'So far' suggests you've been poking around bounty or some such website. Not accurate at all, only the ONS (unreleased, did I say that?) are. This is comedy gold Grin

AragornsManlyStubble · 29/01/2017 12:29

OP, I think it's a gorgeous name, and I know of lots of Luca boys ( frankly am bored of them! I'd rather see some more unusual choices, but each to their own) but I see no obvious problem with a girl having this name. I find it refreshing!

TBH, I find it more ridiculous that idea of adding one 'i' to make it Lucia and thus 'more feminine' is being encouraged. Really one 'i'?? That's all it would take to stop people raising eyebrows? Where I live it would blend in beautifully with all the Luna/Leah/Lexi's and no one would care. I hope you are somewhere similar.

On the subject of your GM, obviously avoiding upsetting her is a priority, but this is your daughter and as such you should name her whatever you wish. I'm glad you've decided to keep her lovely name that means so much to you. I find it sad that your GM can't see the beauty and meaning behind it.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 12:35

One even knows of 3 and this is a very small section of the population obviously

She absolutely does not. Have you heard that sometimes people don't tell the truth on the internet? Shocking, huh?

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 12:42

Also, just because you do not want something to be true does not mean it isn't!

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 12:48

pluto and the other are you in fact lying about knowing females named Luca as narky is accusing?

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 12:48

reuset you do not have to read it if you don't feel it's worth it Smile

reuset · 29/01/2017 12:54

Sorry I think you were going to tell me your stat sources, booboo? Grin I'm cringing for you.

LonelyImSoLonely · 29/01/2017 13:04

Reuset well done for reporting me for telling you to leave the thread with the work fuck in the sentence.

Yes I have read the entire thread. I have read every post from the beginning. Sorry if I mispelt the word "grieving". Sometimes autocorrect doesn't keep up with my spinal injury damaged hands, so mature to laugh at someone for their spelling. I'm sure you would pick out and laugh at someone who was dyslexic or English was not their first language also.

To re-state what I said in my contentious deleted post (which was so horrendous MNHQ didn't even bother to message me to tell me off)...... without the use of the word "fuck"

the OP lost her mother whilst pregnant, she is grieving. (Did I spell that right?). She is also a brand new sleep deprived mum to a 3week old baby. She chose a name her and her DH loved to represent new light coming into the world. You May not have specifically called her out in person, but you cannot see that you are going no and on at someone's in a vulnerable place.

You have an issue that it is a boys name, but many posters ave pointed out it is used for girls in this country and many countries where it is a girls name, so just drop it. I also said that in this country my name is positively female, but abroad it gets mistaken for male, until they meet me or an email clarifies my title, it's no big deal.

Why do you seem so hell bent on telling this mother she is wrong when she has stated she is keeping the name.

OP again sorry about your mother, congratulations on you bundle of loveliness Luca, and I like the meaning.

Booboo66 · 29/01/2017 13:04

Please, do not be embarrassed on my behalf, it is you who is being thoroughly unpleasant and should feel so. youve already stated you are groaning at the idea of another response that isn't worth reading which is why I haven't given you one. Have a lovely day Grin

BertrandRussell · 29/01/2017 13:22

Just in case anyone is interested, of the 6.5 million girls in the U.K. between the ages of I and 18. U.K. since 1997, 178 were called Luca. The number remains pretty constant at about 10 a year. That being the case, I would be utterly amazed if any mumsnetter had met 3. But extraordinary coincidences do happen.

The really depressing point in this whole thread is the deeply callous attitude to the bereaved mother. Her needs and sensibilities are being completely ignored by most, and activively derided by some. Hideous.

reuset · 29/01/2017 13:24

Lonely. Your post was not deleted for usng the word 'fuck' as we're allowed to swear on Mumsnet. I waste my time reporting a swear word, being an adult.
It was all the other things you said to me, and some quite irrational indeed, that I see you've also omitted second time... Please don't mislead people.
Your post was rightly deleted, if you have an issue with that you need to complain to mumsnet and not me.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 13:26

many countries where it is a girls name, so just drop it

There aren't any countries where its a girls name. Can we stop using "alt-facts" to suit ourselves?

reuset · 29/01/2017 13:32

You haven't given me a response, boo, because you got your stats from bounty, like I said Grin There are no 2016 sources yet Grin

LonelyImSoLonely · 29/01/2017 13:40

Reuset I think as others have quoted me, all i left out was i wrote you sounded unstable and lacking in compassion for someone grieving and sleep deprived to continue to go on about her name choice for her daughter and tell her she is wrong. Yes it was not just you but others, but you stood out for me as harassing the OP.

My post was all about support for the OP, how I thought people continuing to bash her when she has stated she has chosen a name, registered the name, loves the name is getting to grips with motherhood and losing her own mum was just mean.
Who cares how unusual the name is, my name is unusual and I love it. Luca is now girls name, whatever statistics you look at is has been used. I bet those people who have unusual names being the only ones in the country are fine with it.

Oh I think I also included in my post how names like Pamela and Imogen were once made up names and are now mainstream, or boys/girls names have swapped genders.

I think that is all I posted, so don't make out that I posted other defamatory things.

This post was the OPs to get support, not cruelty.

kimann · 29/01/2017 13:41

Luca reminds me of that Suzanne Vega song 'Luka' - I think is a cool name, my cousin was almost named Luka after that song as my uncle was a huge fan.... until my cousin came out a girl, she was named Laura.

kimann · 29/01/2017 13:45

^^ FYI - I think Luca can be either a girls name or a boys name, like 'hilary' and 'Jocelyn'.

LonelyImSoLonely · 29/01/2017 13:50

Reuset I thought it would help for everyone to see my irrational postings and apologising if I was coming across as irrational in the bits you say I left out. Yes I was angry at the people forgetting what the OP is going through, and messaged her my support and wanted to defend her, a complete stranger on here and hoped other people would see that. I deeply apologising to everyone in support of the OP for helping to derail the thread. Luca is a lovely name.

.Reusit, I publically apologise for telling you.........

LonelyImSoLonely · 29/01/2017 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

reuset · 29/01/2017 13:51

You know that isn't all you posted, lonely. Irrational and a long disturbing rant. I don't even know who you are and frankly don't much care. Aagain, ask mumsnet if you need clarification rather than bothering me. Ghastly behaviour, though, and pretending you didn't say anything. How unsettling.

You sound utterly humourless, too, lots of the banter has been quite tongue in cheek and very little aimed at the OP. Have a word with those directing negative comments at the mother and grandmother if you have an axe to grind, but stop boring me with your nonsense.