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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask free childcare not to let DD nap on sofa

41 replies

amy85 · 27/01/2017 12:29

Aibu to ask someone (will call her B) who is providing me free childcare (usually one day a week completely their choice) to not cuddle DD to sleep/let DD nap on the sofa when she had a travel cot where she used to put her to nap?

B usually only has DD 1 day a week but this week she had her 1 day and 2 mornings so that's 4 naps where she has been cuddled/put on the sofa...DD is now refusing to nap in the cot.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't ask as she is giving me free childcare but I am now 30 mintues and counting into trying to get DD to nap in her cot 😔

OP posts:

SilverdaleGlen · 27/01/2017 12:31

Maybe she put her on the sofa because she couldn't get her in the cot either?

How old is she?

LIZS · 27/01/2017 12:32

How old is dd? I don't think the occasional variation would cause the issue with travel cot though. Maybe she is simply outgrowing naps or your babysitter has already had the same problem and compromised on the sofa.

BeachyKeen · 27/01/2017 12:33

Is there an issue with letting her nap on the couch, if she comfy there? Personally I'd be happy not to have to lug a cot around any more!

sirfredfredgeorge · 27/01/2017 12:35

So put her on the sofa...

YAB completely ludicrous.

Original poster

amy85 · 27/01/2017 12:35

She didn't even try...B was quite honest she says she couldn't be bothered to put her in the travel cot upstairs...She's always occasionally let her nap on the sofa which once in a blue moon doesn't overly bother me but the once in a blue moon is becoming more and more regular.

DD is nearly 15 months old

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 27/01/2017 12:38

Is she hard work to get to settle in the cot?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2017 12:39

What's the issue with naps on the sofa?? At 15 months she'll soon only have one nap a day anyway?

Original poster

amy85 · 27/01/2017 12:40

How is wanting DD to nap in a cot completely ludicrous???

I don't want DD napping on the sofa regularly as she has 2 big brothers so naps on the sofa aren't possible when they are around.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 27/01/2017 12:40

Just say it's your mil. That way you'll get the replies you want!

LovelyBranches · 27/01/2017 12:41

My DS has never napped on the sofa because he is the fussiest sleeper ever and wouldn't be able to. I have free childcare from my DM one day a week and although I don't like him having late afternoon naps the location is pretty much up to her because she has to get him to sleep.

I'd mention it but don't make a big thing out of it

Original poster

amy85 · 27/01/2017 12:41

Nope she isn't usually hard work to settle in her cot I usually just pop her in give her her dummy and leave her too it

OP posts:

itsallbollocks · 27/01/2017 12:41

I think that with free childcare, you need to be slightly flexible. I provide free childcare for a family member, and I try my best and respect her wishes. I only feed her the food provided, because she was worried about her dd being fed crap at other people's houses. But, her dd doesn't really nap at our house. If she did, then it would be on the sofa. She's even fallen asleep on the floor before now. We don't have a cot here for her though. I feed her, I change her, I keep her safe and entertained to the best of my ability. But, if the family member wants a higher quality child care to her standards, then sorry but she's going to have to go to a professional and pay for it. We are saving her a fortune by doing it for free, and would she fuck do the same for us.

Any way, I'm basically saying that if you want your specific childcare needs met, then you probably need to pay a professional.

TataEs · 27/01/2017 12:42

you can explain to B that you are having issues, and ask them to try and use the cot.

i'm not on the mn bus of all bow down to the will of those that provide free childcare. i think when it's your child and you childcare, free or not, is causing an issue that is making your life difficult, it's absolutely ok to discuss it with all the adults involved in that child's care.

that said, you cannot make them. and i imagine they're doing it cos they were struggling too. lots of babies go thru a bit of a cot refusal phase. how old is the child in question? and you can't really ask unqualified/free childcare to do something they're uncomfortable with.

but for example, my mum would always cuddle a baby to sleep. however if it caused us issues, she would stop and try something else, she wouldn't want to cause issues with getting the baby bed. but my mil would nod and smile in all the right places, tell u she would do what u asked, then do what she liked anyway. so the outcome is not guaranteed

Original poster

amy85 · 27/01/2017 12:42

Lol not the MIL

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 27/01/2017 12:44

If she's hard work to settle in cot YABU. If not YANBU

Quintessing · 27/01/2017 12:45

With free childcare, you need to make it easy for THEM, not you, as otherwise you may lose your childcare if they feel that they are not good enough, or that you take the piss with their generosity.

FizzBombBathTime · 27/01/2017 12:46

If you want to make sure it happens, you might have to find someone else

Sorry op 😕

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/01/2017 12:54

With free childcare, you need to make it easy for THEM, not you, as otherwise you may lose your childcare if they feel that they are not good enough, or that you take the piss with their generosity

Agree with this 100%

pudcat · 27/01/2017 13:00

If you want perfect childcare you will have to pay for it. When I looked after my grandchildren they napped in pram or on settee. I made sure that I push the cushions from the armchair on the floor beside settee in case they rolled over.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 13:00

I've got a 15 month old too.

Sometimes he'll go to sleep in his cot and sometimes I cuddle him to sleep. I try to be flexible because he's still little and sometimes he does need that additional comfort in order to settle down.

I could try putting him in the cot to sleep but if it doesn't want to then it's just not going to happen.

I think you are being unreasonable. He might not have been able to settle for her in his cot either. So she settled him on the sofa in order that he get some rest. Otherwise he would have been overtired when you got back.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/01/2017 13:01

Sorry she not he

SparkleShinyGlitter · 27/01/2017 13:04

I think if someone was giving me free childcare which is a huge commitment and my child was happy I don't think I'd kicking up a fuss over a nap in a cot.

Have you asked politely in general conversation why your dd naps on the soafa? Maybe the child prefers it to the cot, maybe she won't settle in the cot for your free childcare provider

CheshireChat · 27/01/2017 13:07

I'd actually tell her the truth that your DD is starting to refuse the cot and is completely messing up your normal routine. I agree with the view that if you don't pay for childcare you have no say what goes on with your kid, but a lot of people on MN do.

CheshireChat · 27/01/2017 13:07

I don't agree obviously.

MummyToThree479 · 27/01/2017 13:08

That's the thing with free childcare isn't it, you can't really get precious about these things. They are probably saving you a small fortune and giving up there time and mak Making a large commitment to care for your child regularly.
If you want to dictate how they do things maybe it's time to look at paid childcare?

I know many children when I had babysat and they parents say oh x settles so easily in her pram/cot well they might for parents but don't always for me, which could be the case here

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