To be so irritated by people that do things so sllloooooowwwwllllyyyy

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

Inspired by the faffing thread.

AIBU?? Unless you have a medical reason obviously.

Today my dh got the toddler ready. It usually takes me 30 mins and in that time I can easily:

Make him breakfast
Make my own breakfast and eat it
Dress him
Empty dishwasher
Pack bag for nursery
Put load in washing machine
Brush his teeth
Put his shoes and coat on

In an hour my dh didn't even manage half of that. He wasn't even faffing. He just does things so slowly. Does my head in.

Ha, i was playing in a fun tennis tournament last night. Everyone plays to the whistle adding up their points over the night so evey second counts to get another point. One lady who's new to it all was just slowly sauntering round the court taking her own sweet time. Had to stop myself yelling at her to get a bloody move on - ffs, didn't she know there was a box of chocolates at stake!

Slowpokes steal other people's lifetime. At work, others have to do their job. Slowpoke rummaging for the bus ticket for 3 minutes don't waste 3 minutes. They waste 3 minutes of 50 people on the bus, so 150 minutes. Same at the shop queue.

One slowpoke out in the wild can cause untold damage.

I was arriving at the barriers at Coventry Railway Station when a man laden with luggage got there first.

He put down his Waitrose bottle bag, took off his rucksack and started going through numerous pockets for his tickets.

I had my ticket in my hand so I 'nipped' in front and got through the barrier as he was still looking.

I don't feel guilty.

In the wild, the lesser spotted slowpoke creates havoc with their leisurely pace and bovine manner. Whilst their partners are often driven to distraction and thoughts of punching the slowpoke in the left kidney to get them to hurry the fuck up.

@mynestisfullofempty I said come ON Tina!

Loving the use of the work 'slowpoke', it's a new one to me, I'm familiar with 'slowcoach'.

Ethelb that's really interesting about slowness and OCD. Never heard of that before. It makes sense though. Making sure everything is just so.

I think there are definitely older members in my family who have OCD or other spectrum traits. Obviously not diagnosed though because when they were younger they would just be thought to be a bit quirky or eccentric.

My 6 year old easily spends half an hour in the toilet. Usually singing, clapping, generally being away with the fairies. Their dad is a nightmare making their lunch, does each child separately then leaves everything out of fridge. And refuses to peel things like kiwis/potatoes as he "doesn't know how". Where did these people put their gumption?!

It drives me mad are cashpoints.

They saunter slowly to them, and you can't push in front because it's rude.

Then they spend ages looking for their purse/wallet

Then their glasses

Then they slowly type in their PIN number and stare at the screen for a moment

Then it's print off the mini statement and stare at that.

Finally the get the money and carefully put it in their purse or wallet..

THEN they get out card number 2 and repeat the whole process!!!

When they have finished, instead of moving to the side to put their purse back in the bag, then then stand there and do it

By now I'm seething

My DH does two things in particular that really annoy me because they are so sloooooow (and in the case of the first one, totally ineffective!).
Firstly, if something is spilled on the carpet he gets a cloth, lays it over the spill and lightly taps the cloth with the ball of one foot. It's like a little dance at a hoe down. After a good number of foot taps he'll remove the cloth and declare the spill all cleaned up. Except it isn't because the toe tapping does nothing. I end up going back with another cloth, applying decent pressure and absorbing the spill properly. So slow and annoying!
The second thing is when he is selecting food using tongs. I kid you not, he picks up one piece of food at a time. Eg if it's a bowl of salad, he'll choose one slice of tomato, one slice of cucumber, one leaf of lettuce, another slice of tomato, hmmmm maybe another leaf of lettuce, oh look there's some avocado I'll have one chunk, maybe just another chunk. It takes ages and the rest of us have to sit there and wait patiently until he's done. Soooooooo slooooowww!!!

The cash point comment reminded me.
A few months ago I was walking towards a cash point - card in my hand ready.
Another woman was walking towards it from a different direction. I was going to get there first. Then she saw me and sprinted the last few yards to reach the machine a split second ahead of me.
I then had to wait while she put down a big bunch of flowers and several shopping bags, hunted in her bag for her purse, got the card out of her purse and so on.

I don't think I'm a faffer as such, I am on time for appointments etc., but I do like to be thorough, especially when working. I used to have an annoying colleague who, when we were
working on joint assignments would just swoop in and finish everyone's work because she was so impatient. More than once she messed up causing us even more work and delay. We couldn't say anything as she was boss's favourite (who would always praise her for being 'so quick')

The thing that makes me want to scream, which is really unfair because people are trying to help, is that at one end of my kitchen is the sink, the dishwasher, and the cupboard under the sink with all the bins in it. anyone standing near any of the above blocks the whole thing. When my dear family come over and we have a big lunch, afterwards, someone always bumbles over there and starts doing one tiny inconsequential thing when I just want to get the plates scraped and in the dishwasher so we can put it on and get out for a walk. I know they are helping but AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

My OH does everything slowly....even thinks slowly, where as im the polar opposite, hes always late, never does anything quickly, if i ask him to pass me something when im cooking for example, he dawdles and im like "omfg man hurry up!!" And he looks at me with a blank expression before it registers

This is the feed for me. Love it. Supermarkets. People staring at the apples. WHY WHY are you staring at the apples. It's the same brands there every single week. Just grab em and chuck em in the trolley. Decide before you go what type you fancy. Just don't get in my way. And bambambini I get you with the tennis. Match due to start at say 2pm. Women saunter at 2 in flip-flops to the court. Then faff putting on socks and shoes slower than u could ever imagine was possible. Then we start at 215. No start time of 2 means be stood on court at 2 ready to play with rackets balls and shoes. Grrrr

My DP is so slow and faffs around so much that at times I actually wonder if there is something mentally wrong with him. Is that awful of me? It does my absolute nut as he is well and it still takes him 5 times longer to do one thing eg get out the door, than i would when I am seriously disabled and have a DC to look after. Is there any way to speed these slowcoaches up, at least to normal speed? I've been known to secretly give him tea with extra caffeine thinking he might move a bit faster but it doesn't seem to work. God knows how they deal with him at work...

Reading this makes me realise it's not slowness that pisses me off it's thoughtlessness or/and selfishness of their slowness that gets me. Do what you want in your own space/time, if it affects no one, your business. But when you expect the world too slow down to your pace, wait for you to find your shit when everybody else is ready, or do half the work your colleagues do for the same wages or anything else where you expect others to deal with the consequences of your slowness then you are a selfish cunt. Not that they are aware of that because their brains are focusing on one simple task, opposed to people having a bad time often apologizing to those they are affecting.
I still remember a customer 25 years ago, busy saturday, long queue, waits until I had rung her huge basket though the till before discussing with her DM how useless her bag was with so many pockets it took her ages to find her purse, DM said yes I hated it that's why I gave it to you, she then started to look for her money. And YY to the Alpha male buying round but asking each person after you start serving them, dragging it out, trying to make themselves look good, instead they look like a dick, whilst the bar goes from 5 deep to 10 deep.

This is a really nasty thread.

People who aren't as fast as the perfect people on here are being called all sorts of unpleasant things - selfish cunts, bovine, selfish, thoughtless, inefficient, arseholes, useless etc etc.

You don't have to be so vicious.

I did acknowledge in my post that I'm impatient - and of course I'd never be abusive or viscous to anyone for holding up 30 people while they faff and dither. Doesn't stop me thinking bad thoughts in my head though.

Oh there's always one isn't there

This is a really nasty thread.

No it isn't. Some people just faff and waste other people's time for no reason.

So I could call someone a selfish cunt and I wouldn't be being nasty to them? Okay.

I think I will hide this thread so that all of you who think that your time is soooo much more valuable than anyone else's, and that gives you the right to be so unpleasant, can carry merrily on.

Just remember - one day you may be the slow person, and I am sure you would hate to be called a selfish cunt for daring to exist in a world of faster people.

I agree with you SDTG. There are a number of hidden reasons why people can be slow.

Some of you need a sense of humour check.

I actually have a hidden disability which can sometimes make me slow. The fact remains most people who are fannying about do not have hidden disabilities, they are merely faffers.

None of the slow people I know personally have hidden disabilities. Unless you count being a twat as a disability.

I don't think the thread is nasty or vicious. No one here has actually punched anyone, which shows incredible restraint.

None of the slow people I know personally have hidden disabilities.

Two I know personally do.

I realise this was meant to be a lighthearted thread though so will leave you to it.