To be so irritated by people that do things so sllloooooowwwwllllyyyy

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

Inspired by the faffing thread.

AIBU?? Unless you have a medical reason obviously.

Today my dh got the toddler ready. It usually takes me 30 mins and in that time I can easily:

Make him breakfast
Make my own breakfast and eat it
Dress him
Empty dishwasher
Pack bag for nursery
Put load in washing machine
Brush his teeth
Put his shoes and coat on

In an hour my dh didn't even manage half of that. He wasn't even faffing. He just does things so slowly. Does my head in.

It takes my husband ages to drink a cup of tea, and quite often he'll make one half an hour before going out and sits there sipping at it, until it's too cold and I'm getting antsy because it's almost time to go out and then he pootles off to warm it up in the bastard microwave.

Jesus, you have no idea how slow people irritate me. I'll give you some examples:

I shower in 5 mins (not including washing my hair as I treat myself to blow dries at the salon, whops)
I take a bath in approx 20 mins- and that's only because I scrub my hands, legs, I put a mask on my face
I eat in 10 mins tops
I poo in max 2 mins (what do people do in 30 mins in a toilet?!??!? Other than being on their smartphones in a very uncomfortable position)
I do my make-up in 5 min tops (ok i m also a make up artist, cheating here, but was doing that before training as a make-up artist as well)
And examples can go on...

No Imperial they don't go to school/nursery... Maybe when I have a time constraint I will have to find ways to make it quicker!

Throwing your food down your neck in under 10 minutes is not good for your digestion, @sofiainwonderland.

And (TMI - sorry) I would love to be able to poo in under 2 minutes, but IBS prevents me - whether I have diarrhoea or constipation, both take ages - and are bloody uncomfortable, hence not being able to hurry.

Unless the slow person is obstructing your access to the loo/bath/make up mirror/shower - does it matter if some people are slower than you?

I have to stop reading this thread because I can feel my blood pressure going through the fucking ROOF

BIL is a faffer and a slow poke. I might kill
him when we see them in a few weeks.

I always seem to get stuck behind the very slow people at checkouts. Do you really need to ask so many questions about everything you're buying? Yes, you do need to pay so it might be a good idea to know where your purse is. Does it need to take quite so long to put your PIN in? Stop breaking off to chat! Yes, now you need to get shopping out of the way. Why didn't you bag it up as it came through? Yes I'm getting impatient here! Just get on with it!

Oh, and my 6 year old takes as long to put his shoes on as it takes me to get shoes, coat, hat and gloves on the toddler, get the toddler in the buggy and do my own coat and shoes. At this point I usually hear "Mummmmyyyyyyy..... My shoe wont go on!" Yes dear, that's because the velcro is still done up.

Oh, and my 6 year old takes as long to put his shoes on as it takes me to get shoes, coat, hat and gloves on the toddler, get the toddler in the buggy and do my own coat and shoes. At this point I usually hear "Mummmmyyyyyyy..... My shoe wont go on!" Yes dear, that's because the velcro is still done up.

Oh God the sloooooooowwwwww people. I can't bear faffing of any type. We have some friends that love quite far away that I can't have staying anymore because they are the worlds worst faffers.

They take two hours to lead the house every single time we go out. I'm the type to say 'shall we have a walk then?' Put my four children's coats, gloves, hats and shoes on, put my own on, and go out. Five minutes, tops.

The last time these friends were here, they decided to put a wash load on before we nipped out for a morning coffee and then had to wait to it to finish. Then they asked if they could put it in the tumble dryer. I told them we could leave the dryer on while we went for a walk. Turns out they'd put all their fucking coats in it so we had to wait until it had finished.. They're not coming again.

m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=bY73vFGhSVk

You are my soul mates, thank Christ my DH is a brisk type, like me. I would never marry a faffer or slowpoke. Thinking about it, we both have enragingly slow faffy mums & have obviously rebelled by our utter efficiency at every day tasks. Sadly we have to exist alongside other human beings who are really really annoying.

I work in a pub at the weekends, and people drive me INSANE. The worst offenders:

People who act surprised when you ask for payment, get your money ready!

People who call me over to serve them and then do this " Ooooh what shall I have? I had wine last night, maybe I'll have a cocktail, no, Ooh I wonder what Janet is having (Turn to friend) JANET, JANET, WHAT YA HAVING TO DRINK?" I tend to now walk away and ask them to tell me when they have made a decision.

People who forget their order between leaving their table and arriving at the bar.

And non work ones:

People who spend 5 hours choosing a loaf of fricking bread at the supermarket.

Drivers who go too slowly (Whole other thread there!)

People who aren't ready to pay in a shop.

And the having 50 things to do before they can leave the house people. Like my granddad, who has to check the cat is in the kitchen and all the doors are locked about 500 times before nipping out for a pint of milk.

I hate faff but I love people doing things slowly. It makes me feel relaxed and calm where nothing else ever really does. The jeweller on my high street does everything incredibly slowly and deliberately, it's intoxicating! I go in whenever I can get away with it just to watch him sslllloooooowwllyy showing people engagement rings. It's not faff, he just puts an enormous amount of thought and care into each word and movement.

Oh come on for the love of Bert, it shouldn't take you 45 minutes to turn left into a perfectly clear road in your car, just turn!
Move out of my way at the bananas, they are fucking bananas, you don't need to stand and look at them for 10 minutes so no one else can get to them.
Why drive at 20mph on a 40mph road? Why? Do they not see the huge queue of traffic behind them because of them?

The only slow people I like in this world are slow elderly people, don't mind them at all, not one bit.

Oh my dd is an epic faffer. To be fair she's only just 4.

Me: "Dd go in you bedroom and take your pj bottoms and pull ups off."

Me: Dd come out now and take ur pjs and pull ups off."
< Dd prances round bedroom wiggling her bum while I repeat myself and get increasingly irate.>
Me: "Right, put your knickers on."
Dd: "Which way round to they go?"
Me: "The way I gave you them!"
This is repeated with every single item of clothing. I loose my cool every morning and only just stop myself screaming get dressed ffs!

Blimey, you'd all hate spending time with me.

I love spending a couple of hours getting a meal ready, which we eat slowly and appreciatively in a laid back leisurely way; I love a long shower or bath. When out shopping, I compare produce and think about what I'd like to cook. When out walking, I look at scenery and take photographs. I sip my coffee / tea.

Of course I CAN prepare a meal, eat it, clean myself, get from A to B quickly if I need to. I'm never late or hold people up, but I'd so much rather take my time over things and enjoy them.

@janice that is beyond slowness and faffing though isn't it. It is actually behaving in quite a destructive manner to prevent them having to actually leave the house.

My ILs do this and it is a kind of unconscious (I hope) sabotage behaviour that means they don't have to move outside of their agoraphobic comfort zone.

Compulsive slowness is also a (rare) symptom of OCD, with a higher rate of presentation in men. I think it is interesting that we are quite quick to see male mental illness presentation as inevitable or just 'how he is', so a lot of these people (particularly men) avoid being challenged.

Oh, you'd love having dinner cooked by my DP. He will:

1. Prepare a baking tray with the food to be cooked, e.g. chicken pie;
2. Prepare another with the oven chips to go with it;
3. Put the oven on to heat up.

Eugh I hate faffers. But then I am incredibly impatient, it's my biggest flaw.

Overthinkers also drive me mad. I have a mum friend - our babies are the same age. A few weeks ago she texted me saying "oh I know you give BibbleBaby ready brek, how do you make it?"

"Er you just add it to warm milk?"

"So how many ml of milk do you use?"

"Er I've never measure, I just mix it til it's the right consistency"

"What's the right consistency?"

"Um not too runny and not too firm?!?!"

"How long do you let it cool for?"

"Til it's cool????"

I was tearing my hair out. If she gets in this much of a state over a bowl of ready brek I don't know how she manages to go about her day at all!!!

Fetchez that is my husband to a tee.

The thing is, remembering to turn the oven on first, or filling and boiling a kettle first isn't even multi tasking. Its just remembering ffs.

My DH is exactly the same, it's like he's wading through treacle trying to get out of the house. He was late to our first date, and it was at his house! He'd just popped out to do something apparently.

DH is careful and thorough. Which is great for many things but he hasnt clocked that you cannot be careful and thorough (and therefore bloody slow) about every tedious mundane everyday job. So it takes him about 1.5 hours to make dinner. Takes me about 20 minutes as I do it everyday and its dull. So at the weekends when he does it I have to bite my tongue (and sometimes fail). If he were doing it day in day out he would change his tune I am sure or he would spend his whole sodding life cooking.

I'm not a busy person, just when I do something, I just do it. Slow people and faffers drive me nuts.

One wonderful lovely friend is sooooo slow though, she'll start talking with her hand on the on the cupboard door for the cups, after a minute or so she take a cup out and hold it while she talks listens for another minute or so, then put the cup on the work top, the repeat to get the next cup, tea bag, fill the kettle, spoon, pour kettle, milk. I find myself so distracted I just want to take the fucking cup out her hand and flick the kettle on!

My exMIL can't leave the house. She says she is going to go and then there is a good 20 minutes while you have to stand up, smiling, watching her pick things up and put things down. It drives me nuts. Despite taking so long over it, she always leaves something behind.

Oh god, this is my mum... and I'm fairly sure in 25 years it will be me :(

My DH isn't too bad but has one infuriating habit - if I'm cooking in the kitchen and he's helping out, he'll always STOP WHAT HE IS DOING to talk to me. He is actually incapable of thinking about what he's saying and thinking about what he's doing at the same time.

If i start talking to him while he's e.g. grating a bit of cheese, he forgets to stop- just keeps going until the whole block is grated.

Oh and be prepared to to be half starved by the time she's make lunch/dinner.