To be so irritated by people that do things so sllloooooowwwwllllyyyy

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

Inspired by the faffing thread.

AIBU?? Unless you have a medical reason obviously.

Today my dh got the toddler ready. It usually takes me 30 mins and in that time I can easily:

Make him breakfast
Make my own breakfast and eat it
Dress him
Empty dishwasher
Pack bag for nursery
Put load in washing machine
Brush his teeth
Put his shoes and coat on

In an hour my dh didn't even manage half of that. He wasn't even faffing. He just does things so slowly. Does my head in.

OK then, all you brisk efficient types. I am desperately slow at ironing stuff. Can anyone tell me how to speed up without ironing in wrinkles, leaving unironed patches, burning my fingers, getting tied up in Egyptian cotton duvets, knocking over my ironing board and all the other things that happen when I try to speed up my movements? Believe me I would LOVE to be quicker. And don't tell me it's practice 'cos I've been struggling for about 15-20 years. How does one 'be faster?'

I used to have a colleague that ate her lunch so slowly I was ready to cry, think a chinese with normal sized chicken bits in it, she would cut those bits of chicken in THREE pieces and chew on every bite indefinitely. I stopped going for lunch with her....

My DH is the slowest washer upper in the world, ever. EVER. I can do the washing up, clean the whole kitchen, put a load of laundry on, hoover half the house and start cooking a meal in the time it takes him to wash up. How can it take so long? How?

marylennoxwasanaspie

Yes, the answer is don't iron

876TaylorMade Page One.
2 hours for breakfast? You deserve a medal. an actual medal.

How does that work on the building site, in a nursing home or the shop floor? Does everybody else pick up slowpoke's slack or are they paid 1/2 a salary for 1/2 the work in the 8h?

Eating fast isn't great for your digestion but sometimes there's not much option. At work I need to eat my food in ten mins and we are all pretty good at this now
People that walk slowly give me rage. More when they do so blocking the entire pavement

A long time ago I work in an job were quality and speed were needed to keep everything going in the right direction.

Slow people would either learn very fast how to be efficient, or wouldn't last long.

This one is oddly specific but on a Monday when O2 do the £1 lunch offer in Boots etc ruins me, it's super busy but you still get people standing in front of the fridge taking up all the available space staring at them as if something magical is going to happen, can they seriously not just pick a sandwich and fuck off. a sandwich is not a life or death decision but it makes me murderous.

876 and baggy my DH has never made me breakfast before 11am.

My ILs take 2h every morning to have breakfast. And that will be egg on toast or croissant and . jam. They are THAT BAD.

Dh is a slowpoke.

We have to do the Aldi till separately otherwise we'd end up getting divorced. I do the normal thing of throwing everything in the trolley then packing after payment, or lining up bags in the trolley and grouping meticulously on the conveyer belt for speed of packing. Dh packs as he goes, and he's sodding glacial, it makes me go all hot and slightly ill feeling. It's Aldi, at least feign some kind of semblance of speed, Dh!

He thinks he does a properly thorough job of cleaning the house, he doesn't, it just takes him an eternity. His logic is shit too. And forethought is not his strong point either. Good job I quite like him and he laughs convincingly at my jokes or he'd be for it!

DH has a strange go slow habit - it's when he leaves the car usually if we go shopping. He gets out of the car, ties his shoelaces!!!, puts his jacket on or off, selects his carrier bags from the boot, looks for his mobile, puts his wallet in his pocket/jacket - it goes on and on ...... I've started to leave him to it and walk to the supermarket etc on my own and he can catch up. Drives me to distraction. I can be selecting yogurts via fruit and vegetable section before he finds me.

I do get irritated by the go-slow brigade.

But get equally irritated by the do-everything-at-the-speed-of-light brigade who assume we should all be as fast as they are.

There is a middle way, ie do things at a reasonable speed.

From reading these it seems that inability to multitask is a main issue.

For example when the toddler eats breakfast I am either packing his bag or filling the dishwasher. I'm not just standing about like a fart in a trance waiting for him to finish so i can stray the next task.

DP is terrible at leaving the house. Before I wised up I'd be standing in my coat in the hall while he faffed around for an age. Usually involved a long spell on the loo and many, many trips up and down the stairs. When he finally emerged he'd pat his pockets and realise he couldn't find his phone or wallet or keys, cue another 20 minutes of searching and swearing.

Our local cab firm were not impressed to put in mildly and told stories about his antics to our friends around the village! Before they banned him.

I now get ready and then catch up with some crap TV I've recorded. DP pops in occasionally trying to get me to stand in the hall/better still wait in the car. No chance!

I've never heard the word "slowpoke" before! Has it replaced "slowcoach"?

People who take forever at cashpoints.
Having queued for the cashpoint they wait until it's their turn before rummaging around in their handbag for their purse, finding a card, checking their balance, pondering it for a while, print a mini statement etc etc.
COME THE FUCK ON.

The people who get to the till at the petrol station and then crane their necks having not bothered to look at which pump they were at while filling up. Grrr

DH likes to come and talk to me in the kitchen while I'm cooking. Which is bad enough to start with. Occasionally he'll try and hug me from behind while I'm eg draining a massive pan of boiling hot food and water. I love you but I don't need third degree burns to prove it. FUCK THE FUCK OFF you affectionate bastard.

Sometimes he will wander AROUND the kitchen while talking to me (always about something irrelevant while I'm trying to juggle five cooking tasks at once). He always manages to be exactly where I need to be next. And he walks at a snail's pace, absolutely no sense of urgency at all. ARGGGGGH

The other day he was standing in the way reading a letter from school. I took a deep breath and said "If you're only reading that, would you mind just moving over a bit? I'm rushing around here and I don't want to hit you with anything hot or sharp".

He got all sulky and said I'd shouted at him. I did not! Only inwardly! Inwardly doesn't count!

I can't be in the room when DH unstacks and restacks the dishwasher and puts the rubbish from the kitchen bins out. He somehow manages to take up all the floor space while moving in slow motion. It takes him 15 minutes. It barely takes me 5. I do not have dishwasher superpowers.

If I ask him to do something quickly like grab wipes from the kitchen because I'm desperately holding onto a child/dog to stop them smearing something vile onto the sofa, he wanders towards the kitchen and takes a minute to look for the wipes in their usual place and then saunters back. He gets incredibly offended if you suggest he is being slow.

He can go from asleep in bed to showered, shaved, suited and out the door for work in about 10 minutes

Oh my god, this is my hugest bugbear.
It's not even that I get cross about slowness (although I do), it's the inefficiency that fucks me off.
Waiting in the queue to pay? Make sure your fucking purse is ready instead of wasting time at the tills fumbling around in the bottom of you bag - YOU ARE NOW HOLDING 4 OTHER PEOPLE UP DUE TO YOUR INEFFICIENT WAYS. ARSEHOLE.

Yes, I'm very impatient and avoid real life shopping 99% of the time you will be pleased to know

stonewash it's a word from my childhood, (when I was little I thought it was an animal) but I've just Googled it and apparently it's also a pokemon!

Dh also does the standing in the way while I'm cooking. And for some reason, instead of just keeping the paper/plastic/recycling separate in the first place, puts it all in the same indoor bin, then takes it outside and distributes it to its assigned wheelie bin like some kind of methodical stig of the dump.

Our doctors' surgery is terrible for this. There are always 4 or 5 receptionists standing around chatting or just staring into space while a queue of people wait and the phones ring endlessly. It makes me wonder how they managed to survive into adulthood.

Hesitant drivers who refuse to pull out until there is no traffic for as far as they eye can see in either direction, and then drive ten miles under the speed limit, are also infuriating!

I'm hearing

I've never heard the term slow poke before, it's always been slowcoach.

I used to work with someone who took sooooo long to do the most basic stuff. It had been decided that the work she had to do could be done by one person in three days but she seemed to have the attitude that because she was part time she only had to do a bit of the work. In the four months we worked together she didn't finish one single price of work. Not one! She doubled my workload because I had to finish all her work off or it wouldn't get done. To add insult to injury I was told I needed to 'embrace diversity' because not everyone could work at my pace. I left at that point and the performance of the team plummeted. They ended up having to recruit an extra person to make up for the slowcoach's faffing. I used to watch her and try and work out what she actually did. She was unbelievably slow!

My DH always cooks breakfast at the weekend and cooks everything separately. He'll cook the bacon and put it in the oven to keep warm while he heats the beans. Then they go into the oven too while he cooks the eggs. It takes him almost an hour to cook bacon and eggs. Takes me about 10 minutes as I can cook three things at once and make toast and make coffee. Aargh!!!