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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry for dd

99 replies

FrenchieCurls · 26/01/2017 15:28

Before people attack me this is not a stealth boast! My dd is 8 and is a very pretty child. People comment all the time. Yesterday she came home upset because girls at school are excluding her and telling her shes too pretty. Weve had these issues before what should i do?

OP posts:

Gowgirl · 26/01/2017 15:30

Its going to happen a lot in years to come, all you can do is encourage her to ignore it and play with someone else.

bumsexatthebingo · 26/01/2017 15:34

I don't think that kids that age think of pretty in the same way adults do. My dd thinks people are pretty with multicoloured hair etc. I imagine there is another reason she's being excluded and they are trying to avoid getting into trouble by saying 'pretty' instead. Have you spoken to the teacher about it?

bumsexatthebingo · 26/01/2017 15:35

I'm sure you dd is very pretty btw! I'm just not convinced 8 yo's care enough to use that criteria to select who they play with.

Floggingmolly · 26/01/2017 15:35

There's no way 8 year old's are excluding a child for "being too pretty"

Original poster

FrenchieCurls · 26/01/2017 15:36

I havent yet spoken to the teacher. Apparently one girl said to her youre too perfect to play with us. I cant believe 8 yr olds behave that way.

OP posts:

misblink · 26/01/2017 15:37

Magzmarsh · 26/01/2017 15:38

Sorry op but I find that hard to believe. I work with children and find that looks are pretty much irrelevant at your dd's age group and the older they get, the opposite of what you say happens in that they all flock round very attractive people and want to be associated with them. I would dig a bit more and try and find the real reason for her exclusion.

HerBluebiro · 26/01/2017 15:39

Perfect may not mean pretty.

Is she also a 'good girl'. Teacher's favourite. That sort of thing?

Or too particular. Things have to be near and just so? That can be hard to play with if you are a messy child

bumsexatthebingo · 26/01/2017 15:42

Agree with HerBluebiro. Does she have other friends who do play with her? If she dos I'd just tell her to stay away from the unkind ones and stick with her friends.

youarenotkiddingme · 26/01/2017 15:44

Sounds like the kind of crap excuses 8yos come up with for excluding someone!

They'll be another reason - perfect sounds more plausible but an 8yo probably won't interpret 'perfect' the same way as an adult. It can mean passive or well behaved. It could mean they think your DD is a tell tale who will tell on their mischief!

I'd have a general word with the teacher and ask if she's noticed any friendship issues with regards your DD. Then bring up what your DDs said and ask for her take on it.

Floggingmolly · 26/01/2017 15:47

If they said "perfect"; why would you interpret that as being about looks??
Most people would have taken it the way youarenotkiddingme did...

steppemum · 26/01/2017 15:50

hmmm, dd is 9 and pretty at the moment is shorthand for anyone wearing a huge JoJo bow in their hair. She has no concept of conventional prettiness.

Too perfect on the other hand sounds like she is a goody goody, only does the sensible thing, threatens to tell if they do something 'naughty'

I think I would ask the teacher wht ais going on.

There si a great book called 'The unwritten rules of friendship' which can help you and her find a way of relating to the other kids.

harderandharder2breathe · 26/01/2017 15:52

If they said "perfect" that doesn't mean pretty. It more likely means goody two shoes

Kids exclude others for the silliest of reasons but being pretty is the most ridiculous I've heard! So much that I do think there's more to it but that the girls aren't giving full reasons (because they know they're being mean excluding her).

Speak to the teacher about friendship issues but don't say it's because she's pretty!

amusedbush · 26/01/2017 15:54

If they said "perfect" that doesn't mean pretty. It more likely means goody two shoes.

Yes, that's what I would assume.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 15:57

Too perfect can mean the goodytwo shoes kind of thing at that age. Tells on other kids, doesn't join in or get messy. Kids can exclude based on that.

It wouldn't mean pretty. In fact often some of the prettiest girls can be the most popular. Pretty tends to get singled out by a small few at a much older age, as they are jealous, but again it depends on the confidence of the "pretty "girl.

I'm curious why you would interpret it to be about her looks also? It's not a great message to give her.

Original poster

FrenchieCurls · 26/01/2017 15:57

They also said pretty. Dd did gymnastics and the teacher used to say she was gorgeous and put her at the front so other kids used to be funny with her. I had to ask the teacher to cut it out

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 15:58

Oops cross posted but yes, having a daughter I can say perfect means goody two shoes and not fitting in with the other kids.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 15:59

Dd did gymnastics and the teacher used to say she was gorgeous and put her at the front so other kids used to be funny with her

Original poster

FrenchieCurls · 26/01/2017 16:02

Bluntness i know the teacher she used to say oh frenchie dd is so gorgeous i put her at the front.

OP posts:

Bantanddec · 26/01/2017 16:03

Perfect = goody two shoes

trinketsofgold · 26/01/2017 16:05

This whole thread is a bit

SparklyMagpie · 26/01/2017 16:08

I think you're chatting bollocks if I'm honest

Gowgirl · 26/01/2017 16:09

Shouldn't every really pretty girl have a fat friend? Otherwise who is going to sit on the stairs with her at parties in her teens and tell her he's just not with it

Floggingmolly · 26/01/2017 16:09

The gym thing is a step too far, op... You've over reached yourself
Weirdo.

Magzmarsh · 26/01/2017 16:09

I remember doing an RME lesson with 10 year olds and we were discussing perfect people, they all described someone know-all, pedantic, arrogant and irritating to sum up what they perceived as "perfect". I said "surely if you're perfect you're lovely and kind and good at everything but help others to be the best" but that's not a popular interpretation 😎

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