To worry for dd

[FrenchieCurls]

Before people attack me this is not a stealth boast! My dd is 8 and is a very pretty child. People comment all the time. Yesterday she came home upset because girls at school are excluding her and telling her shes too pretty. Weve had these issues before what should i do?

I also don't think exclusion is always bullying.

If, a child were always trying to get the other children in trouble, for example, exclusion would be self-preservation, not bullying.

Atenco "I also don't think exclusion is always bullying." I agree but exclusion based on physical appearance is bullying, isn't it?

Italian I didn't embellish. I asked the OP if her DD was goody, bossy or tell tale.

I then explain how these children can alienate themselves and that my ds has and does.

I didn't once ever suggest her DD was a certain way or did certain things. I asked.

I also responded to the bit about her being called perfect and not the pretty bit - because I have no experience of the pretty or any advice.

Well being too pretty clearly isn't the actual reason is it? Prettiness doesn't affect what you are like to play with. Either the child is boasting about it or being overly serious/telling on them every 2 mins (hence the 'perfect' remark) or the kids are being mean for an unrelated reason and just saying anything they think of as an explanation for it. The teacher will probably be able to shed more light on what's going on.
I know my dd went through a phase of going around telling everyone she was clever because she heard it so much. I managed to explain to her that other people don't really want to hear it all the time (if at all). My son also sometimes says he doesn't like playing with kids who are 'too sensible' so I can see how these things could come about. But I think it's highly unlikely that an 8yo is rating their classmates in order of conventional attractiveness.

youarenotkiddingme

"Italian I didn't embellish. I asked the OP if her DD was goody, bossy or tell tale.

I then explain how these children can alienate themselves and that my ds has and does."

My apologuies, I must have read it wrongly. Sorry.

bumsexatthebingo "Well being too pretty clearly isn't the actual reason is it? Prettiness doesn't affect what you are like to play with."

Neither does wearing glasses, or being thin, or tall, or black.

Do you not see bullies bully, that is what they do. They may have some arbitrary reason for singling out a child but it is not a logical reason based on some quality that the child could be 'judged on'.

Your failure to accept that the OP is telling the truth and that her child is telling the truth seems to be based on our own inability to grasp that bullies bully, for a wide range of reasons, and not just because of some conventional reason that one can find in a list of 'reasons children might be bullied'.

To understand bullying you need to look at the bully, not the target!

bumsexatthebingo you really do not need to do this but I would be very pleased if you could read this article and tell me what you think

10 Reasons Why Kids Are Bullied

(I will not be bothered if you don't read it so no pressure!)

I will definitely have a read.
I think the difference is that skin colour, physical size or glasses are all things that look very obviously different. So if kids are going to be mean it is something they may latch on to. Attractiveness isn't so clear cut. I am around a lot of kids that age and I get what you are saying about kids maturing faster but I honestly have never heard an 8 yr old comment on attractiveness ever and I am around that age group a lot personally and through work. Cuteness of younger kids - yes but not whether a child meets societies idea of what is attractive. It doesn't start until a good few years later. It's possibly that kids don't bother about attractiveness until they start going through puberty and start to recognise what attraction is and feel competition from others who may be more attractive. 8 would be very young for that.

OK bun have a read, I can't make you believe me and really it is not in my interests to. But my feeling is girls do know who is very pretty. You say it "Attractiveness isn't so clear cut" but actually at that age I think it is more clear cute. I am not certain but if you asked a lot of young girls to draw a pretty girl they might draw this...Elsa so if you look a bit like this, you would be a stereotypical beauty.

As children age then ideas of beauty might be more flexible but I do feel sad that my friend said even her young black child had a picture of a beautiful blonde fairy given to her by someone.

Must keep the focus on the bullies/exclud-ers and their bad behaviour, not on ascribing a reason that makes sense to an adult. I've never in my life bullied/excluded anyone. Let alone for being slim, but my friend was bullied for being slim!

If anyone looked like Elsa I think they'd be more likely to be bullied for having freakishly large eyes!

No worries Italian

bum indeed - bullies really need no reason! I am winking at you with my massive eyes!

My daughter is 8 and can absolutely identify attractiveness it's nonsense to think none of the op's dd's peers will notice. Whether that's a reason for exclusion is different of course.

I was well aware at 8 who was good looking.

In my experience pretty girls at that age are usually able to make more friends, at least at the beginning. It might be possible that the other kids don't like something else about her & using her looks as an excuse.

Mildly interesting thread.

My observations are that jealousy amongst children comes from the attitudes of their parents.

One of my daughter's friends is exceptionally beautiful and a very talented actress. She's already had main roles in TV and film.
Some of the girls are vile to her, and I believe their meanness has come from their parents' negative attitudes. I say parents because ive heard fathers as well as mothers make disparaging remarks about her based solely on her rising fame. I don't think it's the beauty, I think it's the fame. I don't believe the child has brought any of this on herself. She is not boastful, in fact in all the years I've known her, she has never once mentioned her work.
However she has suffered, and will continue to suffer because of some very mean and jealous people.

Dd, 8,is another who would think pretty was sparkly hair slides.
She is, obviously, beautiful, but I have been quite careful not to ever specifically talk to her about her looks. If I do, I just talk about her smile.
I cannot imagine for a second, her or any of her classmates, excluding another because of their aesthetic features; it isn't important to them yet, thank goodness.

Exactly Jerryferry. It could be coming off the parents.

Never read such an odd post if I'm honest. We all think are children are gorgeous.... to us as parents! I'm sure your daughter is special to you but to go and brag about it?!?

Our not are. Sorry typo!!

User this thread is from January!

Make sure she knows that you don't earn the face you get given. Without boasting people tell me I am pretty a lot. (God I sound like a twat!) but I always come back with, "I didn't earn my face and I don't have to look at it!"

Op are you Farrah Abraham? If so your kid is being excluded because of your awful personality.

& yes she's cute but not a patch on my 3 beauties. Despite all having asd they manage to have kids falling over themselves to be friends and adults compleatly sympathy for their emotional meltdowns. Quite sure that's because they are abnormally blessed in the looks department. Especially my younger 2 who are identical twins and have unintentionally garnered a following that would make you especially envious.

As a teacher this never happens. Get over yourself OP

Iheartkingthistle, thanks for pointing that out. I knew it was from January but couldn't resist posting in response to such a ridiculous and self-centred thread started by OP.