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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - husbands weekends away

84 replies

Avamh · 25/01/2017 19:38

So I've never posted here before so I hope this thread doesn't take on a life of its own! I just need to know how other mums would feel and be in this situation.

In a few months time my husband is off on a stag do, no problem at all...he's best man and I'm happy for him to have a few nights away abroad. He was then bought tickets for his bday/best man gift for a sporting event in London 4 weeks before the stag do. Again, I've been excited for him as it's a big boxing event and I'm happy he gets to go and experience this.

Then, the weekend before the boxing a birthday party has come up which I said I didn't want to go to, but him and his mates are, so it's another night away.

Now today his mum has bought him tickets to another sporting event in London which falls in the middle of all of this. This is a belated birthday present for him but when it was discussed weeks ago I did say but you're already away a lot. If it was me in that situation, I'd of said leave it mum as I'm away a lot already...but it's a US event which rarely comes to the UK...so is a 'one time' thing.

A total of 4 weekends out of 6 he will be away. Not his fault that all of these things have fallen so close together, but when the 4th thing came up today, I was annoyed and not very impressed.

We have 1 year old twins so for him to not be around on the weekend means I'm flying solo, which is fine most of the time as we both have social lives and he will look after the babies if I want to go out too.

We've had a big arguement which I feel awful about, but one comment he made was most wives would just be happy for him and he does admit it's all rubbish timing...I think I'm being pretty chilled about the 2 events, but 3 and 4 are starting to frustrate me. I'm going away for the hen weekend but I will make sure the weekends before and after will be focused on being home with the family.

Would other wives be cool with all of this or would you be a bit annoyed too? AIBU?

OP posts:

Doolallylally · 25/01/2017 19:41

That really seems too much to me and I wouldn't be cool in your shoes.

catgirl2 · 25/01/2017 19:42

Would also not be cool with this!

DeathStare · 25/01/2017 19:45

I'd go with him to the thing MIL bought him tickets to and leave your DCs with MIL.

Allthewaves · 25/01/2017 19:45

I'd be irritated but it's not deliberate jut rubbish timing. Why do you go to the birthday party one and then it's only 3 weekends

mynachos · 25/01/2017 19:45

yeh....... a bit excessive, and costly!!!

Elllicam · 25/01/2017 19:45

I wouldn't be happy either.

Gobbelino · 25/01/2017 19:47

I think you're being slightly U - it's four weeks out of 52 so although it is unfortunate that it all falls within a few weeks of each other, it just seems unavoidable rather than selfishness on his part. Although you would do it differently, I think that if I were offered four extraordinary opportunities to do enjoyable tasks that I wouldn't get to do again, I would definitely do them - and appreciate what a wonderful husband I have for giving me space to still enjoy my social life despite family commitments.
It would be different if it was like this throughout the year or he doesn't prioritize family time the rest of the time - is he still engaged with the family? And are you allowed to go out and enjoy things - would he object if the tables were turned and he was at home whilst you went out?

TataEs · 25/01/2017 19:47

would probably be ok if he promised that was it for the year. unfortunately stags and sports stuff can't be moved. but so long as that really was it i'd probably try and arrange other things to do/people to come help etc.

i'd be 'owed' tho, big time!

TeaBelle · 25/01/2017 19:48

If he's generally pretty considerate and it's just crap timing then I would let it go. But I think I have an unusual relationship judging by other threads on here!

Original poster

Avamh · 25/01/2017 19:48

Allthewaves you're right it isn't deliberate and he hasn't actually spent any money on 2 of the weekends as there gifts.

He is so good and encourages me to go out and do my own thing too, it's rubbish timing all being concentrated in such a short time frame.

But I did think we was wrong when he said other wives would be fine, as I know others who wouldn't be ok with one weekend away, let alone 4.

Thanks ladies x

OP posts:

Trollspoopglitter · 25/01/2017 19:50

I bet if you tell him the following 6 weekends, you've booked something special and one off for 4 of them - he will not be cool at all with it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/01/2017 19:50

I'd let it go. It's just unfortunate timing.

TheUpsideDown · 25/01/2017 19:51

It's not ideal, and I understand that it's frustrating and upsetting that he won't be around for 4 weekends out of 6. BUT his birthday and the stag events have just all come about all at once. It's not that he's done it deliberately, it's just awful timing. But it's a one-off so I personally would just ride it out.

Could you not go to the party and the event your MIL has paid for too?

Hellmouth · 25/01/2017 19:52

It doesn't sound like he does this kind of thing all the time. I would only be bothered if it was something DP did every single weekend

Eevee77 · 25/01/2017 19:53

With one year old twins I wouldn't be happy. My OH wouldn't even consider doing this.

dancingqueen345 · 25/01/2017 19:53

I don't think you're being completely unreasonable, but it's not like this is all the time, it's just bad timing.

What if it were the other way round? Would you want to turn something down or would you just think you know what, the next 6 weeks are going to be tough but it's not forever.

Why don't you plan a family weekend away for when he's back?

PotatoWaffleCob · 25/01/2017 19:54

Ehhhh NO I would not be cool with this at all!

DH goes away with his friends a few times a year but would never think 4 times in 6 weeks was fair. Also, your DH's attitude stinks. "Other wives are cooler than you! Waaah!".

Ilovecaindingle · 25/01/2017 19:55

Sounds like you need to come up with 4 events of your own... Fairs fair. .

Craftylittlething · 25/01/2017 20:02

It's not just the going away though is it? It's the four weeks of being alone with one year old twins. I think it's unfair on you to just expect you to "be cool with it" without even discussing it.

Gobbelino · 25/01/2017 20:06

She isn't alone for four weeks though crafty - unless I have misread this. She is alone for four separate nights over a six week period?

OhhBetty · 25/01/2017 20:06

I would have said let him off etc because the timing can't be helped. But him comparing you to other wives is shit of him and imo a nasty thing to say. Get booking some nights away for yourself. You could even book a night in a hotel just for yourself! Bliss!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 25/01/2017 20:09

I think your MIL might have checked... Or did she and DH said ok?

I think I might be a bit pissed off, if it were the other way round I'd feel like I was taking the piss.

CommonFramework · 25/01/2017 20:09

I'd be cool about it now my dc are older. I would NOT be cool with it with 1yo twins!!!

321zerobaby · 25/01/2017 20:10

I wouldn't be impressed. I looked after my friends twins for an evening once, incredibly difficult, one person and 2 babies! Is there any family members who can help, perhaps his mum as she bought him tickets?
How does he cope when left for a whole day with the twins, does he know what it feels like?

TreeTop7 · 25/01/2017 20:10

I'd be fine if I were you as long as it didn't become a habit. Any more "unmissable" weekends away in 2017 wouldn't impress me. Nip it in the bud if he suggests any more.

Sometimes invitations have to be turned down when you're a parent, irrespective of how appealing they are or whether a freebie is involved. It's disappointing but that's life.

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